All Dogs Don't Go To Heaven, So Make Plans For Post-Rapture Pet Care

While preparing for The Rapture, which will be held this Saturday, rain or shine, some people have been worrying about what will become of their pets after they rise up to heaven. The company Eternal Earth-Bound Pets has stepped in to match pets with new atheist owners for a small investment of $135 for the first pet and $20 for each additional pet. The company’s website says, “You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes, what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind?”

Not everyone’s happy about this solution. Todd Strandberg, founder of a biblical prophecy website, tells BusinessWeeek,

“Pets don’t have souls, so they’ll remain on Earth. I don’t see how they can be taken with you … A lot of persons are concerned about their pets, but I don’t know if they should necessarily trust atheists to take care of them.”

Yeah, everybody knows you can’t trust atheists to do anything. They don’t go to church, and that’s the only place you can learn good morals, like how you should keep feeding your neighbor’s abandoned cat, even if that neighbor drove you nuts with all her ranting about the apocalypse. If you want the job done right, don’t leave it to an atheist — just hang back on Saturday and do it yourself.