Advice to the Women of the Real Housewives of Orange County: Forgive Vicki and Drop Kelly

Screenshot via Bravo.
Screenshot via Bravo.

Kelly Dodd is awful! If there’s one thing you should take away from this season of the Real Housewives of Orange County (other than Vicki’s boldfaced desperation to be in a relationship), let it be that.


There are varying degrees of awful allowed in a Real Housewife. Tamra is often awful but at least she moves the storyline along. Ramona is awful but in a fun way. Teresa is awful but makes you feel better about yourself. Kelly is just bad in a dumb way.

On Monday night we watched Vicki celebrate her birthday with a bizarre trip to Palm Springs, listened to Megyn claim that she can feel twin babies in her uterus about a week after being inseminated, and again witnessed Kelly being Kelly.

Vicki decided to celebrate another year on this earth by renting Merv Griffin’s gaudy compound in Palm Springs and cooking her own grilled chicken breasts and salmon filets. She brought along Tamra and Kelly because they’re the only people who want to deal with her. Vicki also schlepped the rest of family out to the desert and surprised her daughter Brianna with a visit from her moody husband.

Rude opinion alert: Vicki’s constant courting of affection from people seems to only push them away further and perhaps her family would act like they liked her if she just took it down a notch.

While we’re on the subject of Vicki, allow me to pull a Carrie Bradshaw on you because I couldn’t help but wonder: Should everyone just forgive Vicki already?

Sure, she’s shown no real remorse for (probably) lying about her boyfriend having Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, but it’s not like she’s going anywhere. I’m of the opinion that they should forgive her if for no other reason than they all know they’re going to have to keep filming with her anyway, so might as well get over it now. The realization that filming with someone you can’t stand is the only way to get those checks to clear is, I have to believe, the greatest motivation for any act of forgiveness from a Real Housewife.


Besides, I got the feeling that Vicki brought her family along for the weekend because they needed to fill the beds somehow. Watching three housewives, two boring dudes and a couple of toddlers in Palm Springs is not what I signed for. Just go on the trip, ladies!

Meanwhile, Shannon and David are still trying to convince us that oversharing about David’s infidelity was a good thing by passing off production-mandated footage as a “home video” of their second honeymoon.


And then we have Kelly. I suppose I can give her props for the DUMB FUCK CUNT dinner party freakout but the problem with Kelly is that the drama she creates is stupid and not as interesting as it could be.


The issue of the week is the forthcoming birthday trip Tamra is hosting for Eddie where, for some reason, everyone’s bringing their children. Heather is rightfully worried Kelly is going to pop off again within earshot of her young son who has definitely never heard an adult swear before.

Kelly insists that she doesn’t act that way around children but, to be fair, Heather has no real way of knowing that. Kelly then cries because a friend told her that tears are a good way to gain sympathy for he audience.


Eventually everyone decides to go on the trip because they want to “move past” things and are contractually obligated to go. Because there is an order to things in the Real Housewives universe, they all insist, “lets just have fun!” Sure, alright. Good luck with that.


Kara Brown

“You don’t act like you are a hierarchy from me.” - Kelly Dodd