I challenge you, Jezebel readers, to dream up a greater artistic triumph than this iPhone video of a stone-faced Melania Trump watching two ballerinas dance to Tchaikovsky’s Waltz of the Flowers during her “Christmas walk through.” On the heels of a Vanity Fair report that quoted a longtime friend saying our visibly reluctant First Lady “didn’t want this come hell or high water,” here Melania is, proving once and for all that she is, as her spokeswoman insists, “honored by her role.”

Hands clasped, face immobile, America’s very own Sugar Plum Fairy from hell is apparently unmoved by the power of dance; her mind is elsewhere, on a bottle of Chardonnay in her office, perhaps, or on the exact pressure one must exert with one’s fingers to pop a man’s head like a shiny silver balloon on New Year’s Eve. This is not the Nutcracker ballet that I personally am familiar with. This is, as my colleague Julianne put it, “some Stanley Kubrick shit.”

Happy holidays!