Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Accuser Recants His Allegations of Underage Affair with Elmo

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WELL, OKEY DOKEY, THEN. I mean, who knows what's true in this whole shitty puppetfuck, and whether or not any of it was any of our business (if the retraction is legit, then it most definitely wasn't). But the official story, at this point, is that Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash's accuser (who originally claimed the two began an illicit affair when the accuser was just 16) was just totally JKing about the whole thing, and doesn't have anything else to say on the matter, thankyouverymuch. So...just felt like getting the whole world to furiously obsess over Kevin Clash's penis activities for a few days? Because that's something we needed in our brains? Anyhoo, the story:

Andreozzi & Associates, a law firm that said it represented the accuser said in a statement that "he wants it to be known that his sexual relationship with Mr. Clash was an adult consensual relationship." The statement added, "He will have no further comment on the matter."

The accuser's identity has not been disclosed.

...Mr. Clash has achieved a measure of fame outside the show as the star of the 2011 documentary "Being Elmo: A Puppeteer's Journey." The episode led to Mr. Clash coming out as a gay man, something he had not previously said in public. "I have never been ashamed of this or tried to hide it, but felt it was a personal and private matter," he said in the statement.

Well, you know what, I have no idea what happened here. It feels a shade victim-blamey to jump too gleefully on the recantation party train (like, "WOOO! I knew he was lying, the lying liar!")—I have no interest in being a statutory rape apologist just because I happen to have enjoyed Kevin Clash's adorable documentary. But if the recantation is true (and, at this point, we have no reason to think otherwise), and there really was no affair before the accuser turned 18, then this whole spectacle upended Clash's life simply because his particular consensual, adult relationship didn't fit our conventional ideas about what a consensual, adult relationship should look like. And that's despicable. Either way, I kind of don't want to talk about it anymore. If the accuser is happy with his retraction, then so am I. Blergh. [NYT]

Fucking hell, could PETA be a MORE consistently dickish bag of dicks??? In a recent anti-fur ad, PETA depicted a pretty blonde model with a mane of shaggy faux pubic hair cascading out of her underpanties, with the caption, "FUR TRIM: UNATTRACTIVE." Yes. Because anything that grows naturally out of a woman's body must be painfully removed posthaste, or else face rightful penis-shunning on a global scale. Understandably upset, Amanda Palmer wrote a heartfelt response on her blog:

dear PETA,

this ad is really upsetting.

you're implying that pubic hair that shows/grows "outside the pantyline" (which is normal/natural for the vast majority of us gals) is "unattractive"….this is the kind of shit Gillette and Nair would pull to hock product, and the sort of cultural beauty-standard malarkey that is contributing to a generally worrying trend…12 and 13 year old girls demanding full bikini waxes and all the shit that I think we can all basically agree is absurd.

fur, bad. yes. i'm with you.

but this ad is perpetuating really unhealthy attitudes. fear and unhappiness in the body-hair department is becoming more and more prevalent in young girls (and all women), because they feel they have no alternative. most feel like they'll be judged if they don't tow the party line, and an organization like PETA has more cred (you're somewhat cool, right? you're forward-thinking people fighting for a noble cause, right?) than a corporate hair-removal/razor company.

Seconded, Palmer!!! [AmandaPalmer]

Oh, hello, weirdest news item ever. It seems that the gossamer gamines of barbershop elf-tet One Direction have signed on to star in their very own 3D movie—and have teamed up with none other than HAMBURGER ASSASSIN MORGAN SPURLOCK to direct it. Say what:

The filmmaker tweeted about the news, writing, "Big News of the Day: will be making #1D3DMovie with @Harry_Styles @NiallOfficial @zaynmalik @Louis_Tomlinson & @Real_Liam_Payne."

Spurlock and Simon Cowell, who discovered the group back in 2010 on the U.K. version of the "X Factor," will serve as producers on the project. "Morgan is the perfect person to give that access-all-areas, behind-the-scenes look into what it's like to be One Direction today," Cowell said in a statement, posted on Vulture, about working with the director on the project.

Say what. Say whaaaaaaaat. Say what. Say. Say. Whaaaaaaat. Say what. [MTV]

  • OMG OMG OMG Kendall Jenner totally held hands with Jaden Smith during a romantic couples skate (!!!!!), and his face is all, "Say whaaaaaaaat?" because obviously he just read that weird Morgan Spurlock/One Direction story. [E!]
  • Here's Alicia Keys in something called an "Ultra-Femme Editorial," which I guess means that everything is pastel and covered in feelings. [StyleBlazer]
  • Amanda Leigh Dunn from The Real L Word and Kim Stolz from ANTM opened a restaurant together and you can go to it and have TOTALLY LEZBIAN SHORT RIBS! [Grubstreet]
  • Oops, I just reached my limit on updates about the existence of Bill and Giuliana Rancic's human baby. [E!]
  • This Huffington Post headline claims, "Here Is The Dumbest Possible Article About The David Petraeus Scandal," and it is not lying. [HuffPo]
  • TMZ is gross. [TMZ]
  • Don't worry, say the 'bloidz—this hideously ugly and disfigured beast-child grew up to be a beautiful housewife!!! [Bossip]
  • Taryn Manning ordered to perform one day of community service for allegedly kicking her assistant in the neck. [E!]
  • Cher and Donald Trump are mad at each other. [E!]
  • Hey, be more cute, you FUCKS. [E!]