Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

A Pete Davidson Dildo Apparently Exists...And It Has Tattoos

It's unclear who asked for this, but thanks, CamSoda, I hate it.

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While half of me loves that King of Staten Island Pete Davidson has risen from New York City’s worst borough to be an A-list star solely because of the extremely hot women he dates, the other half of me is furious that it’s come to this: There’s now a dildo inspired by him.

Adult entertainment site CamSoda has decided to create an enormous Davidson dildo that features a plethora of colorful tattoos. I’m not including a photo of it, because I hate it, so you can take a look at it here. If you insist on seeing it, we implore you to look closely at the tat choices. One, affixed on the part of the shaft closest to the phallus’ faux ball-sack, disturbingly reads, “Mom.”

Even more disturbing is the marketing of this dildo, which included CamSoda Vice President Daryn Parker telling The New York Post:

“Pete doesn’t have to be locked down with just Kim. We can all share a piece of the ‘SNL’ stud and get to know him more intimately.”

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The phrase “‘SNL stud” made me cringe in ways I cannot possibly explain, but I also feel a bit gleeful in that it was used about Pete and not Colin Jost, who seems like the exact sort of overgrown frat boy who would describe himself as a stud and is likely livid that someone else would be called that first.

Anyway, while we get that some of you want to pretend you’re fucking Pete Davidson, I have a very important question: How much disbelief can you possibly suspend when using a sex toy that looks like a child went to town on it with a pack of temporary tattoos?!

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One look at the thing and I’m suddenly incapable of sexual thought. It does not evoke the so-called BDE that Pete allegedly has. It evokes chaos and perhaps even celibacy.