A Lot of People Just Got Married, But Not Miley Cyrus

Images via Getty/Instagram.
Images via Getty/Instagram.

Though the surprise weddings of unapproachable hot cool kids Alison Brie/Dave Franco and approachable hot cool kids Ilana Glazer/I Don’t Know Him may have convinced you that everyone is, in fact, married, it’s not true! Some people are still just engaged, despite the weird stuff their parents post on Instagram.


In a truly grating interview with Entertainment Tonight, 17-year-old Noah Cyrus (Miley’s little sister) revealed that approachable hot weirdos Miley Cyrus/Liam Hemsworth are NOT married, even though Billy Ray Cyrus posted a cryptic photo of Miley in a whiteish dress.

“She’s not married,” Noah said, adding that her dad was “probably just doing something fun.”

So there you have it, everyone’s married but Miley and Liam. You heard it from Noah first.

[Entertainment Tonight]

When asked if his ex-wife Angelina Jolie should stop getting tattoos inspired by (and sometimes naming) her lovers, Billy Bob Thornton said she should keep at it. “You can always cover ‘em up,” he wisely told a TMZ reporter while walking to his car in this hugely uncomfortable video.

In case you don’t remember, Angie had Billy Bob’s name tattooed on her arm while they were together, then had it covered up with coordinates leading to...her house? Dry land? The vault where she keeps all those unsold Blu-rays of By the Sea?



Speaking of the Hemsworths (two blurbs ago), here’s a video of Liam’s brother Chris working out and making noises. It’s a lot.


  • “I was more comfortable naked because the costume was the most potent objectification of a woman, with the boobs pushed right up, the tiny waist. It’s an invitation for sex.” - Thandie Newton on her Westworld costume [Celebitchy]
  • Prince William had a boys-only “ski holiday” and I can’t imagine something less fun. [Celebitchy]
  • The guy who’s suing T.J. Miller for assault reportedly has a history of making this stuff up. [THR]
  • One Tree Hill’s Chad Michael Murray had another baby, and now he’s a Two Kid Dad. [R29]
  • Hillary Clinton sent Amber Tamblyn’s newborn baby a letter. [The Cut]

Staff Writer, Jezebel | Man



Liam Hemsworth has always struck me as that nice-but-dull guy from work - who everyone likes because he’s reliable and kind - who you presume spends his weekends working on his lawn and helping his kids with their craft projects.

And then you go for dinner at his house one evening, everyone’s naked, there’s a bowl for keys, and he’s got a 10 pound barbell pierced through his dick.