Image: via Getty

Whoever dreamed up April Fools’ Day was obviously a sadist, but when the “holiday” blessedly falls on a weekend, you can at least hide under your bed until the world’s cretins stop guffawing over their own stupid fucking jokes. Unfortunately, we weekend bloggers aren’t safe from terrible pranks, and today celebrities played some truly bad ones. Here are a few I hated the most.

1. “Netflix Acquires Seth Rogen”

Folks who loaded Netflix today likely saw the streaming service’s banner announcing they’d “acquired” Seth Rogen, a feat so ludicrous I can only hope it didn’t trick anyone. The banner accompanied a press release claiming Rogen had “entered into a lifetime deal to transfer full ownership of his personal autonomy to Netflix, Inc.,” and a video of Rogen reading the terms of his agreement:

So glad Netflix has found a way to put that October price hike to good use.

2. Lin-Manuel Miranda will turn The Room into a musical.

TheaterMania revealed the following today, which Miranda later confirmed was an April Fools’ Prank:

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This is a bad prank, if just because it’s a good idea. Like, why tease the possibility of a Miranda-penned track titled “WHY LISA WHY?” Can you imagine the choreography that would accompany the party scene? Or watching Mark, Peter, Johnny, and Denny play tuxedo football while SINGING and DANCING? The Internet giveth and the Internet taketh away.

3. Stephen King is running for Governor of Maine

Someone launched the website king4maine2018.com today that claimed, “After years of criticizing Governor Paul LePage, Stephen is considering making a run for Governor in 2018.” It’s a prank, and the campaign video redirects to a rickroll, but c’mon, we only have time for one celeb gubernatorial run this year.

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4. David F. Sandberg releases a trailer for Shazam

Shazam! (not to be confused with the 1996 Shaquille O’Neal film, Kazaam) is indeed an upcoming superhero film, starring Zachary Levi and directed by David F. Sandberg. This is not its trailer:

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Rolling on the floor, truly.

5. Edgar Wright and Tom Holland are remaking Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Again, this would have been a great idea. Stop teasing me, you fucking jerks.

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6. Stephen Sondheim will make a guest appearance on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and write a song for the show.

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I squealed, but it’s not true. Whatever. Sondheim’s too monotone, anyway.

At least we have another year until suffering through this madness once more.