A List of Dumb Grievances Republicans Have Used to Vote Against Ketanji Brown Jackson

Today, the Senate Judiciary Committee debated whether to advance the Supreme Court nomination of Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson, who would become the most experienced justice on the court. Jackson has the votes to be confirmed as the first Black woman to serve on the high court, and two-thirds of Americans support her confirmation, but Republicans slowed down the process by deadlocking the evenly split committee and requiring Democrats to take an additional, unnecessary vote. The final confirmation vote could happen this Thursday or Friday.

This petulant fit is in keeping with Republicans’ behavior in the confirmation hearings two weeks ago, where, if you’ve managed to forget, Marsha Blackburn (R-Tennessee) asked her to define what a woman is, Josh Hawley (R-Missouri) tried to smear her as pro-pedophile, and Ted Cruz (R-Texas) asked her if babies were racist.

When Cory Booker (D-NJ), the dad joke king of the committee, was up to speak, he mentioned “the vaunted holiday of Festivus,” a celebration invented by the writers of Seinfeld, that includes an annual airing of grievances. “I think that we’ve had probably the best Festivus celebration here in this hearing over the last week or so, because there’s been a lot of airing of grievances,” Booker said.

Here we present you with a list of grievances Republican Senators aired during the voting process on Jackson, a list likely to be updated throughout the week:

South Carolina’s Lindsey Graham, who previously voted to confirm Jackson to a lifetime appointment on the D.C. Circuit Court, the second most powerful court in the country, proved that he was still mad about the half-assed investigation into allegations that Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted multiple women. Noting that he will not be voting to confirm Jackson this time, Graham said: “I’ve never complained about Kavanaugh or anyone else being asked a hard question, I have complained about their lives being destroyed by coordinated effort of Democrats and the mainstream media, trying to destroy somebody to keep the seat open.” Of course, Kavanaugh’s life was not destroyed—he’s literally sitting on the Supreme Court.

Cruz is also still mad about Justice Beerbong and complained that not a single Senator has asked Jackson about her high school yearbook. He whined about the radical left: “If Judge Jackson is confirmed, I believe she will prove to be the most extreme and the furthest left justice ever to serve on the Supreme Court.” Video of this statement prompted Cruz’s former mentor, retired Judge Michael Luttig, to drag him for the third week in a row. Cruz also said she’d vote to overturn gun rights, abortion restrictions, private funding in elections, and school choice, which, we hope so.

Hawley, who, again, tried to frame Jackson as enabling child pedophiles, was all hopping mad that people called him out on it. “Sex crimes against children are not fiction. They are not a conspiracy,” Hawley said, deliberately missing the point. “I’m a former prosecutor. These are real crimes. I’m a father of three young children.” He added: “I like her, I think she’s a good person, but I cannot support her.” Which is it Josh, that you think she’s a good person or that she’s too soft on pedos? Because if you were being genuine about the latter, you wouldn’t say the former.

Blackburn continued her TERF momma bear routine by claiming that Jackson being unwilling to define, on the spot, the word “woman” showed that she “is beholden to the radical left that is teaching our children that they can chose their own sex.” Blackburn also threw in Jackson’s service on the board of a school that—gasp!—teaches kids about white privilege.

John Cornyn of Texas implied that Obergefell v. Hodges, the 2015 case that established marriage equality, was in the same category as Plessy v. Ferguson, the case that legalized racial segregation. He also said that Obergefell “mandated same-sex marriages,” which is news to every person who is currently not married to a member of the same sex.

Mike Lee of Utah used his time to say that people talking about inclusiveness should remember how the Senate treated Justice Clarence Thomas in 1991—when he was credibly accused of sexual harassment—and that, right now, “people on the left are savagely attacking him.” Didn’t know that calls for an unelected judge and walking conflict of interest to resign or recuse himself because his wife egged on the insurrection was considered a savage attack!

Tom Cotton of Arkansas spun Jackson’s time as a federal public defender—where, notably, she could not choose her clients—as time spent “defending terrorists” and said that as a judge, she “habitually sympathizes with criminals over victims.”

…just some very normal reactions that have nothing at all to do with the midterm elections coming up in November.