"A Lesbian Lentil Muffin Coop Open-Mic Poetry Slam": Colbert On Supremes Shortlist

Now that Justice Stevens is retiring — or, as Stephen Colbert prefers to describe it, "pussying out" — it's time to assess the potential candidates on what really matters: who's an "attractive blonde," and who might be a lesbian.

Colbert also hit upon the problem of nominating Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm: Republicans may mistake her for a Fox News anchor.

By the way, if Obama's court shortlist to follow up Justice Sonia Sotomayor looks fairly diverse, it's not your imagination. A recent Brookings Institution report compared Obama and Bush's judicial nominees in their first 14 months. It's not a perfect chart — for example, it appears to indicate that only white people have gender — but it's interesting nonetheless.

Illustration for article titled A Lesbian Lentil Muffin Coop Open-Mic Poetry Slam: Colbert On Supremes Shortlist

Obama's judicial nominees so far have been 30 percent white men, while George W. Bush's were nearly 70 percent white men in the same period. Clearly this confirms that the Bush administration was all about picking the most qualified person for the.... wait.

Judicial Nominations In The First 14 Months Of The Obama And Bush Administrations [Brookings]

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Of COURSE only white people have gender.

Here's how it works...

You can only be in ONE oppressed persons category. For example—you can be a woman OR Black. You can be gay OR handicapped. See how this works? Because otherwise, what with all the affirmative action taking jobs from white, able-bodied, Christian men (truly, the most oppressed group of them all nowadays, am I right?!) we would then have to hire you "double minorities" twice. Case in point: Sotomayor. She was hired as a Judge, but because she was classified as Latina AND a woman, she got to be a SUPREME Judge.

So from now on, just one. K?