Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

A Historical Timeline of People Discovering the Ass

We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Image for article titled A Historical Timeline of People Discovering the Ass

Our history is full of valiant and resolute explorers who ventured out into the vast unknown to better understand this little planet we call home—and also for their own personal gain.

Along the way those brave adventurers made some important discoveries. However, a look back reveals an inescapable pattern of people discovering places, people and things that had already been "discovered," in the sense that people were living their lives in those places with those things before the sudden arrival of a white guy with a flag.


Let us now take some time to trace the history of the repeat discovery of a body part that many women noticed right after they hit puberty, looked down and realized that their lives would be a never-ending quest to find the perfect pair of jeans that don't gap at the waist.

4000 BC: Adam discovers the ass

3050 BC: The Egyptians the ass

2000 BC: The Mayans discover the ass

121: Marcus Aurelius discovers the ass

436: Attila the Hun discovers the ass

1021: The Vikings discover the ass

1492: Christopher Columbus discovers the ass

July 25 1986: 2 Live Crew discovers the ass

February 4 1992: Sir Mix-a-Lot discovers the ass

May 29 2001: College newspapers discover the ass

April 2 2002: Fox News discovers the ass

March 1 2003: The Guardian discovers the ass

July 12, 2010: New York Daily News discovers the ass

June 6 2012: The Daily News discovers the ass

December 13 2013: Elle discovers the ass

January 2 2014: The New York Post discovers the ass

February 13 2014: Sports Illustrated discovers the ass

February 28th 2014: Time Magazine discovers the ass

April 2014: Vanity Fair discovers the ass

September 9 2014: Vogue discovers the ass

September 17 2014: The New York Times discovers the ass

November 11 2014: The Associated Press discovers the ass

This storied history is currently bookended by a woman whose life source is fed by the attention of others. Kim Kardashian's unoriginal and problematic Paper cover is the latest reminder that wowzers, big butts exist. So yes, world, Kim's ass is still there and it's still big. What an important discovery for mankind.


Image by Jim Cooke