A Guide to Reese Witherspoon's Goop-y New Lifestyle Company

Reese Witherspoon is a talented, highly paid actress with a seemingly chipper disposition. But more importantly, she is a woman with elegance, blonde hair and good breeding who comes from down South, which means she is the perfect candidate for a lifestyle company that’s gonna drop centuries of classed-up regional knowledge on the world like a duck on a junebug, or faster than you can git you a sody-pop, or quicker than you can set down a spell and play possum. Or something.

Regardless, it’s happening — Witherspoon has already snagged someone to head up her company, WWD reported:

REESE’S NEW HIRE: C. Wonder president Andrea Hyde has been hired by Reese Witherspoon to be chief executive officer of her as-yet-unnamed lifestyle company. The omnichannel venture, which will emphasize Witherspoon’s Southern roots and personal style, will launch in 2015.

And somebody‘s been taking cooking classes in Napa Valley, y’all!

Just last week, the star was taking cooking classes at a Culinary Institute in Napa Valley with Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz—two gals who have also recently released lifestyle books.

Reese’s new company is set to launch in 2015, but there is another blond star who will probably debut a similar project before then. Blake Lively confirmed to Vogue UK last fall that she has been working on a Goop-like site.

Hubbub hubbub-hubbub Goop-like hubbub hubbub. You know what I always say: HOLY SHIT SOUTHERN GOOP IS COMING. Ahem. There can never be too many Goop-like sites in the works, amirite? I crave guidance like anyone, preferably from people just like me. Clearly, hometown girl Witherspoon, who was born in New Orleans but raised in Nashville, has a few advantages over these other blonde, nice women with good hair and earnest suggestions about your colon. She’s from a region where learning how be correctly female and alive is practically part of the curriculum, the closest thing to finishing school you can find in those parts. Also, she’s way more down to earth.

Barring the occasional outburst (AKA moxie! color! spunk!) this means that Witherspoon generally “knows how to act” and can be seen typically demonstrating something called “class.” Since all Goop-like sites involve beauty tips and eating tips and travel tips and advice for how to conduct oneself at all times, and since I am a former Southerner, I feel officially qualified to speculate on the kinds of down-home advice Witherspoon will offer to help women navigate the unique complexities of eating, drinking and being merry while hailing from a complicated, mysterious region. (I also polled my still–Southern friends for accuracy’s sake. Thx y’all!)

BEAUTY

Grits Facial Scrub

Collard Greens Body Wrap

Fresh Dirt Mask

Clarified Butter Tanning

Okra Nails

Biscuit Dough Facial

Perfect Church Lips

Bleaching With Lemon Juice

Mudbug Bath

Big Hair: A Lost Art

Side-Eye: Softened by Neutrals

HEALTH

Sweet Tea Enema

Hot Chicken Cleanse

Turnip Greens Smoothie

Dirt-Dobber Venom Therapy

Jet-Ski Exercises

Moonshine Cleanse

Frying for Forgiveness

Why We Never Exercise in August

FASHION

Uggs: Just for Looks (and Not for Brunch)

Overalls: Never

Derby Hats: Always

Wearing White Well

Casual Denim for the Upper Crust

Top Ten Lilly Pulitzer Prints

Espadrilles: Yes

FOOD

Grinding Your Own Grits

Classing Up Cornbread

Bacon for Beginners

Pie for Perfectionists

Biscuits for Blessing Their Hearts

When Forced to Bring a Casserole

Every Cracker Barrel Ever, Reviewed

Country Ham, Not Chia Seeds

Low-Cal Mint Juleps

FEELINGS

Now, You Are Just as Pretty As Those East Coast Girls

Belle of the Ball, Bitch of the House

It’s Not the Heat, It’s the Mediocrity

Bundt This

ENTERTAINING

I Do Declare This a Party

When Mason Jars Simply Won’t Do

Lake Games

Anatomy of a Front Porch

Embracing Visitors from Rogue States

Plantation Style (Without the Plantation!)

Evites That Feel Like Handwritten Invitations

If You Must Discuss the Past…

Artisan Rocking Chairs

Great Friends, Great Meat

Feel free to offer more suggestions. Let’s make Southern Goop to-be a big-ass hit!