A Caravan Of British Royals Ran Over an 83-Year-Old Woman

Illustration for article titled A Caravan Of British Royals Ran Over an 83-Year-Old Woman
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Kate Middleton and Prince William’s royal convoy struck and “seriously injured” a woman Monday while they traveled from London to Windsor. As the official story goes, a British police officer’s motorcycle collided with “a woman pedestrian.” The Independent Office For Police Conduct, in a statement to The Telegraph, said:

“The woman, in her 80s, suffered serious injuries and was taken to a London hospital where she remains in a serious but stable condition. We are investigating the circumstances surrounding a collision involving a marked police motorcycle attached to the Royalty and Specialist Protection Command and a woman pedestrian on Upper Richmond Road, Richmond, south west London at 12:50 p.m. on Monday 17 June.”


The Sun later reported that a witness at the scene claimed the cop’s motorcycle “hit her and she spun round, off her feet and fell badly on the floor.” They also followed up with statements from her family. Her daughter, speaking from the hospital, announced they were “keeping her stable” as she has “lots of injuries.” By this point, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge had released a statement:

“The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were deeply concerned and saddened to hear about the accident on Monday afternoon,” a spokesperson for Kensington Palace said, BBC and The Telegraph reported. “Their Royal Highnesses have sent their very best wishes to Irene and her family and will stay in touch throughout every stage of her recovery.”

It seems they were en route to the “Order of the Garter,” which I’m informed is one of Windsor’s “oldest royal traditions” and an “annual celebration [...] of the most senior order of knighthood in the U.K.” And while I’ll attempt to respect that a woman has been seriously injured in this next line of questioning: how does the denizens of Windsor reckon with the fact that a “common woman” was injured by the nobility’s passing caravan en route to a gathering of the most prestigious members of the British ruling class? In most other times in history, that’d be a cry for revolution!


Despite what the modern proverbs would have you believe: all bad things end eventually, too! Page Six reports that after a perplexing debut season, Linsday Lohan’s Beach Club has been cancelled and her nightclub (allegedly) closed. According to a source:

“There was a renewal idea that producers hoped would perk it up for a second season. It would be turned into a show about Lindsay and [her mother] Dina and [sister] Ali, [but] that wasn’t going to happen. [...] They wanted ‘breakdowns.’ That’s not where [Lohan] is at with her life anymore. Their personal business doesn’t need to be aired on television; it’s already in the papers anyway.”

The “official story tracks,” but the veil of anonymity does not disguise the fact that this very likely came from Lohan’s camp (if not Lohan herself.) Consider the phrase: “That’s not where Lohan is at with her life anymore.” I hate to break the news, but it absolutely is. Further, representatives for Lindsay Lohan have confirmed the show’s cancellation, so it would make sense that they’d try to wrangle the news in their favor. Needing further confirmation, it seems, Page Six called every known number of the nightclub in Mykonos where the show had filmed.

A phone number listed for the Mykonos club on TripAdvisor wasn’t working when Page Six attempted to call. Another number listed on the club’s website connected to Lohan Nightclub in Athens. A source told us of the apparently defunct Mykonos club: “A friend had reservations this week, and the club just called and said that they will not be opening this season.” Another source vacationing in Greece last month told us that the club wasn’t open then, either.


Imagine the lonely figure of Lindsay Lohan, twirling on the Mykonos shoreline for nobody but herself.

[Page Six]

Self described “ketchup lover” Ed Sheeran has announced he’s reached the pinnacle of his career after working with Heinz on a ketchup commercial. In an Instagram post, he even said:“This is pretty much what I was aiming for in life. Ketchup ad > stadium tour.” (I’m even told he has a Heinz logo tattooed on his left bicep.) I hope you enjoy the visual image of Ed Sheeran pouring ketchup on a plate of lettuce, which I’ve included below!

  • After a season-long engagement plotline and a spinoff about her love life, Porsha Williams “vacations alone amid cheating allegations.” [Us Weekly]
  • James “Hi Sisters!” Charles is back. [ET Online]
  • Are Bella Thorne and Whoopi Goldberg feuding? Will Whoopi ever abandon her hierarchical and outdated beliefs on the actions of women and young people? [Us Weekly]
  • Find out why JLaw is mad at Amy Schumer’s newborn child! [Just Jared]



So ketchup. I am going to approve that. I don’t think that much about ketchup, but whenever I order food that goes with ketchup, like burgers and fries, and there is no ketchup, I would rather not even eat. I will wait for the ketchup. And Heinz is the only good ketchup. I don’t want your homemade ketchup.