7-Year-Old Girl Writes To Scientists Asking Them To Make Her A Dragon

Illustration for article titled 7-Year-Old Girl Writes To Scientists Asking Them To Make Her A Dragon

Australia's got its very own pint-sized Khaleesi in 7-year-old Sophie Lester of Queensland, who over Christmas wrote a letter to the national science agency CSIRO asking for a dragon of her own. Both the letter and the agency's response are so cute you're going to feel like passing out.


Here's Sophie's letter. For added adorability, read it to yourself in the voice of a little girl with an Australian accent, but, you know, not in public because people will think you're weird.

Illustration for article titled 7-Year-Old Girl Writes To Scientists Asking Them To Make Her A Dragon

Hello Lovely Scientist

My name is Sophie and I am 7 years old. My dad told me about the scientists at the CSIRO. Would it be possible if you can make a dragon for me. I would like it if you could but if you can't thats fine.

I would call it toothless if it was a girl and if it is a boy I would name it Stuart.

I would keep it in my special green grass area where there are lots of space. I would feed it raw fish and I would put a collar on it. If it got hurt I would bandage it if it hurt himself. I would play with it every weekend when there is no school.

Love from Sophie

Those dark marks bleeding through the paper that contains her letter are actually from the drawing she made on the back, which. Gah. So cute.

Illustration for article titled 7-Year-Old Girl Writes To Scientists Asking Them To Make Her A Dragon

CSIRO responded to Sophie's letter and drawing on their website, writing, in part,

We've been doing science since 1926 and we're quite proud of what we have achieved. We've put polymer banknotes in your wallet, insect repellent on your limbs and Wi-Fi in your devices. But we've missed something.

There are no dragons.

Over the past 87 odd years we have not been able to create a dragon or dragon eggs. We have sighted an eastern bearded dragon at one of our telescopes, observed dragonflies and even measured body temperatures of the mallee dragon. But our work has never ventured into dragons of the mythical, fire breathing variety.

And for this Australia, we are sorry.

The organization's letter also recommended Sophie get into Game of Thrones because there are totally IRL dragons on that show, which is a sort of cute suggestion until you realize that show is like 90% boobs and stabbing. Not till you're older, Sophie.


Ari Schwartz: Dark Lord of the Snark

Sophie stood at the foot of what was once the Parliament House as smoke rose from its hulking remains. She opened her lungs to the smell of charred wood, asphalt, and flesh and grinned.

"This is what triumph smells like," she thought to her self. Her massive steed, the wyrm that is now known as "Izanami" for laying waste to half of Eastern Honshu, lowered its head in deference to its master. The dragon dwarfed the young girl, but it knew who was in command. Sophie absentmindedly patted her beloved monster on the snout as she pondered her next battle.

"It doesn't matter, does it, pet?" she said as she picked up a discarded 9mm pistol as a war souvenir, placing it in a shoulder holster slung over her yellow sundress. "But I suppose I never did like Ipswich much..." she said while climbing back on to her beast of war.

Ipswich would fall in hours to the beast. And once the first clutch of eggs was laid (it was later found that dragons could reproduce asexually in periods of population scarcity, leading to a viable population in months), Sophie would begin her initial effort on the rest of the Pacific. Japan would fall in months. China within a year. Eventually the rest of human civilization fell within a decade.

Hanging the fools at CSIRO did little to assuage humanity as the Queen of Scales took control of the entire world, plunging it into eternal dragonflame. How could they have seen the cruel ambitions of a 7-year-old child? how could anyone known the true evil they would unleash upon an unsuspecting world?