Scandalous Nipple on Sears’ Website Has Unleashed Smut on Innocent Shoppers (NSFW)

Thanks to America’s Puritanically fraught relationship with nipples, Sears has been forced to address public outrage over the fact that an image on its website’s Exotic Apparel section that features a model’s right nipple clearly visible through the purple mesh “babydoll” slip she’s wearing. According to AdRants, pearl-clutching, feather-ruffling organizations such as the American Family Association have exploded like nipple-shy volcanoes (nipples sort of look like little volcanoes, don’t they?) and accused Sears of peddling dirty, filthy, nipple-peeping smut, just like the New Yorker.

AdRants’ Steve Hall is particularly perplexed by organizations who have deemed Sears’ nipple-slip “smut,” because even someone with a cursory idea of what mammals are knows that nipples can be super important:

We’re not sure when the natural beauty of a woman’s nipple became smut but, hey, there will always be a collection of people out there that refuse to believe females have nipples…that actually serve a function in the perpetuation of the human race!

It’s true — nipples can be fleshy, life-oozing miracles, but that just doesn’t seem to matter to the more modest segments of our population who find themselves innocently browsing through the Exotic Apparel section of Sears’ website, you know, minding their own business, when wham!, an erect nipple is pointing straight at them, shaming them for even looking at lingerie models in the first place.