Comment Of The Day: A Lesson In Crappy Email Subtext

Today we read one dude’s summary of what went wrong on his first and only date with a woman he met online. CurtCole translated:

SUBTEXT TIME

Kate-(Woman Of My Imagination):
Synopsis of The Rock-(I’m going to start this out by saying something really fucking weird and if you’re a compassionate person, you might make it to the end):
a) Too skinny-(I have issues about my own body that I will project onto you.)
b) I asked what you do in your free time, and you really don’t do anything. Makes me wonder what we would do together besides mindblowing sex.-(I have no idea what to do in my free time and am looking for a woman who will entertain me/boss me around. If you can’t boss me in real life, how will I be bossed in the bedroom? In other words, how will I have mind-blowing sex.)
c) Totally turned off by the “I almost didn’t write you because you didn’t put your income.”-(I’m, like, super-fucking insecure about my bank balance…to the point where I hallucinate.)
d) Check your profile hon, you didn’t put yours either, even though you claimed you did.-(See, I just hallucinated.)
e) Think you are better than you really are-(I’m worried I’m not good enough for you.)
f) Turned off by the “I usually date older guys because they are more stable” comment-(Again, my penis only works if I think I have the upper hand.)
You were great on the phone and email, I guess I was looking for that person and got someone else. (Again I hallucinate a lot, but you could have been anyone and I would have been unsatisfied, because I think it’s cool to be lonely and forlorn.)
Good luck. (Eat Shit)
Marcus (This probably isn’t my real name, I hallucinated it.)

As you’ve probably noticed, we’re changing the Comment of the Day format a bit. From now on we’ll only be highlighting one comment per day, so that user can claim all the bragging rights. We’d still like you to submit nominations to the Comment of the Day tag page. Just send the outstanding comment’s URL and tag your nomination #cotd. (Replying to a comment with “#cotd” does not work.)

Use #trollpatrol to report comments that you feel the editors/mods should be aware of. Try not to respond to/approve/promote trollish comments in the threads — instead, just post the comment on the #trollpatrol page, the same way you’d post a comment on #groupthink or on the #cotd page, and the editors/mods will take care of it.