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Today we read one dude's summary of what went wrong on his first and only date with a woman he met online. CurtCole translated:

SUBTEXT TIME

Kate-(Woman Of My Imagination):
Synopsis of The Rock-(I'm going to start this out by saying something really fucking weird and if you're a compassionate person, you might make it to the end):
a) Too skinny-(I have issues about my own body that I will project onto you.)
b) I asked what you do in your free time, and you really don't do anything. Makes me wonder what we would do together besides mindblowing sex.-(I have no idea what to do in my free time and am looking for a woman who will entertain me/boss me around. If you can't boss me in real life, how will I be bossed in the bedroom? In other words, how will I have mind-blowing sex.)
c) Totally turned off by the "I almost didn't write you because you didn't put your income."-(I'm, like, super-fucking insecure about my bank balance…to the point where I hallucinate.)
d) Check your profile hon, you didn't put yours either, even though you claimed you did.-(See, I just hallucinated.)
e) Think you are better than you really are-(I'm worried I'm not good enough for you.)
f) Turned off by the "I usually date older guys because they are more stable" comment-(Again, my penis only works if I think I have the upper hand.)
You were great on the phone and email, I guess I was looking for that person and got someone else. (Again I hallucinate a lot, but you could have been anyone and I would have been unsatisfied, because I think it's cool to be lonely and forlorn.)
Good luck. (Eat Shit)
Marcus (This probably isn't my real name, I hallucinated it.)

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