27 Fully Made Up Things You Don't Know About John Stamos

Welcome to 27 Made Up Things You Didn’t Know About Me, a feature where celebrities reveal spicy and fun facts that you didn’t know about them!


This column was written by Bobby Finger and Madeleine Davies. It is entirely made up, but also probably 100% true.

  1. I’m Greek, but I’ve never seen Grease!
  2. I am sterile.
  3. I’ve never had pie. I mean it! Not any kind of pie! Nothing against pie, I’ve just never gotten around to it.
  4. I HATE cake.
  5. I got paid for my Dannon yogurt ads in Yoplait yogurt caps. They look like real coins.
  6. I got paid for my role in Full House in gold doubloons.
  7. I later found out the gold doubloons were chocolate.
  8. I guess I don’t really get “money.”
  9. My favorite movie of 2015 was The Big Short.
  10. My second favorite was Room.
  11. Growing up, I had an imaginary friend named Joey Gladstone. Coincidence!
  12. Joey Gladstone was a friendly rock who helped me navigate the cruel and confusing roads of childhood while my frequently absent parents were out earning chocolate doubloons for us to survive on.
  13. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory seems like a whole lotta bullshit to me. Sorry.
  14. Before starring in Full House, I had never heard of Elvis. I actually thought “Thank you! Thank you very much” was something Uncle Jesse made up!
  15. There is a third Olsen twin. Her name is Carol!
  16. Just like my third favorite movie of the year.
  17. Did you know that I was in a TV production of Raisin in the Sun? I didn’t!
  18. I HATE raisins.
  19. I know all of Bob Saget’s secrets.
  20. I know none of Lori Loughlin’s.
  21. If you think Bob Saget’s standup is edgy, you should hear the twins who played Nicky and Alex tell jokes. They’re very racist.
  22. I got confused while shooting an episode of Law & Order: SVU because I thought it was a documentary and I kept screaming, “I’M INNOCENT.”
  23. While filming the series finale of Full House, Lori Loughlin leaned over and whispered in my ear, “You’ll never know the real me,” and started laughing maniacally for 3-5 minutes.
  24. I want to say that Rebecca Romijn is the love of my life, but I would be LYING.
  25. I once sat in my car and stared at Jerry O’Connell’s house in the middle of the night and smoked two whole packs of cigarettes while listening to “Forever” by Jesse and the Rippers!
  26. We actually went through five separate Comets throughout the shooting of Full House. Producer’s kept letting Candace Cameron Bure take them home with her and *something* would always happen to them. Legally, I’m not at liberty to discuss it.
  27. I am legally married to a life-sized model of the Beach Boys’ Brian Wilson, but the only place we can live in peace is Japan.

Contact the author at madeleine@jezebel.com.

Image via Getty.


AllieCat demands hats on cats-is probable weirdo

That is SO true about Lori Loughlin. Who is the real Lori? I certainly can’t answer that question. Mostly because she won’t stop catfishing me. Every time I meet someone online and fall in love BAM it ends up being Lori Loughlin just lolz-ing at my pain and heart break. I’ve told her all my secrets dozens of times (to different faux personalities) but I don’t think anything SHE has said to ME is true, especially “I love you”. I dread opening one more email from Lori Loughlin proving that all my facebook friends were just fake profiles created by her. Or that the guy who asked me to marry him is just a picture of her dentist that she took secretly from a hole she cut out in the bathroom.