Welcome to 27 Made Up Things You Didn’t Know About Me, a new feature where celebrities reveal spicy and fun facts that you didn’t know about them!
This column was written by Bobby Finger and Madeleine Davies. It is entirely made up, but also probably 100% true.
- I bathe in gravy! I prefer sausage gravy, but sometimes good old fashioned brown gravy will do!
- My childhood crush was Drew Barrymore!
- I’ve never actually driven a truck!
- My father was a coal miner and my mother was a leprechaun, but I don’t identify as either.
- My favorite holiday is Christmas!
- My favorite book of the year is Drew Barrymore’s “Wildflower.”
- I’ve never been to space!
- I’m addicted to gambling and have lost over $104,000 over the years.
- The best gift I’ve ever received was the stuffed and mounted carcass of my childhood dog, Drew Barrymore.
- I’m straight as an arrow but would probably do stuff with Carson Daly if he initiated.
- I own an original Diane Arbus print.
- I have peed on an original Diane Arbus print.
- I’m a boxers over briefs kinda guy.
- Like, I wear them both at the same time. Yee haw!
- Adam Levine is my best friend, but we’ve only ever talked on Skype and have never met face to face, not even on the set of The Voice!
- I own an Annie wig. Never worn it, but I own one!
- I find it hilarious when the press makes up rumors about me.
- Like there’s this one where I have an alter ego named Ernie McCubbins that I use to post mean Yelp reviews of restaurants in Nashville where they serve uncooked fish because it’s like “What?! Cook that fish, y’all! You’re crazy eating raw fish! Zero stars!” When I hear the tabloids report on that one, I’m like LOL.
- I hate raw fish!
- I don’t care what anyone says, I’m a cat lover AND a dog lover AND an armadillo lover AND a Drew Barrymore lover!
- I have never heard a No Doubt song and refuse to listen to them when they come on the radio.
- It’s like “I already don’t have any doubts! Thanks for the meaningless suggestion! See ya later!”
- I just farted.
- I played football in high school.
- Don’t tell anyone this, but I once hugged Drew Barrymore—the dog, not the human, you weirdos!—so hard that she broke a rib. I told my daddy that she took a spill. Shhh!
- I tried a juice cleanse once. Haha, Mr. Hollywood over here!
- I HATE Miranda Lambert.
Contact the author at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Image via Getty.