Yet again, cinephiles and moviegoers alike have gathered to celebrate the Oscars—the one night a year where a group of mostly white people will decide which of the year’s films were the best likely based on which film’s publicity team gave them the coolest themed swag bags. For fashion-obsessed bitches like me who know oh-so-much about the merits of good looks, it’s the night we scream at our TV’s in support of actors who dressed for the gods and skewer those who incorrectly trusted stylists with no taste.
Is this a year where we get our next Julia Roberts in Valentino moment? Or, perhaps, the next Halle Berry in Elie Saab? How many men will do the absolute least and wear a boring tuxedo? I don’t know! What I can tell and show you are the looks so divine that I wept into my charcuterie board and the others that caused a visceral physical response not unlike gagging.
Without further ado, I present to you the stars whose stylists are getting raises, some whose stylists are getting shit-canned, and blue and yellow ribbons which are symbolic of Ukraine so we can figure out who the real activists are. Let’s fucking go.