A man is like an appliance. No. No, let’s try that again. See. A man is like a rugged, fierce warrior. Or, maybe. Hmmm. A man is still like a child. Either way, newsflash: Men have it really hard out there, and the world is like a giant, juice-sucking man-energy drainer. So when they come home they need the kind of woman who understands that, and wants to help him re-up. The kind of woman that knows that coming home doesn’t even necessarily involve any talking. It just means being there, and out of the way, or in the way is OK, but only if it’s in such a way that it doesn’t get in the way of him doing what he needs to do: recharging. You know, building back up the old man juice. Propping him back up for the world to just knock down again. Because that’s what he REALLY wants in a relationship.
According to Dr. Adam Sheck. In a nutty nutbag piece of nutbaggery, a psychologist who uses expressions like “rat race” and “fight the good fight” and doesn’t appear to be going for actual laughs has thrown down the relationship gauntlet and laid out what men actually truly really all want, every last one of them. It’s not a maid, not a cook, not a trophy wife, and not a fuck buddy. It’s actually “pretty basic.” Whew! Because if it was even remotely complicated, I’d bail faster than you could say where’s the recharge cord thingy. That’s just me. I don’t know about you, but I won’t have my relationship taking any ACTUAL WORK.
What men REALLY want in a relationship, is a safe place to recharge and renew themselves in order to go back out and face the world and “fight the good fight.” What men want is a safe, secure, STRESS-FREE environment where we can recover from dealing with the “rat-race” and just relax.
What men want is a place where we can be ourselves, without putting on the facade that the world sometimes demands. We want a place where we don’t have to be on our best behavior, where we don’t have to walk on egg shells and where we don’t have to pretend that we’re something we’re not.
We want a place where we can be accepted for who we are and for who we are not! What men want is consistency and routine, because that is what relaxes us. ”Same place, same thing” calms us down. Yes, we like change and excitement from time to time, but what we really want in our primary relationship is a place where we can be at peace, where we don’t have to have our “fight or flight” response triggered. We’re activated enough in the work world, we don’t want our relationship to be like a second job!
So you want like, an ultimate Lair of Chill? The old kick-back and put-em-up? One that never places any demands on you to do anything, or be anything? Sounds like a great place for you, but what about US? But unfortunately, you don’t include any tips for women on how to be the most low-maintenance Betty on the block. So let’s do this!
Step 1. Imagine your boyfriend is The Predator.
Men are more susceptible to being physiologically aroused. Yes, THAT way, too, but I mean in terms of “fight or flight” and being ready to fight off attacks from the dinosaurs and sabertooth tigers.
Step 2. Imagine The Predator just came home to you and needs some CHILL TIME.
That’s what our bodies tell us to do and so we have relationships in order to take a break from that, in order to give our systems a rest, to renew ourselves.
Step 3. Find The Predator’s cord. If you can’t find his cord right away, look for a part of his body that most likely resembles an extension or a cord-like — oh.
Step 4: Take his cord and gently tug on it until it’s long enough to plug into the recharger.
Step 5. The recharger is your mouth.
Step 6. Kidding! It’s your vagina.