16 Things We Wish James Franco Would Do

Illustration for article titled 16 Things We Wish James Franco Would Do

James Franco has been accepted to the PhD program in English at Yale, meaning he could be enrolled in four grad schools at once. This, along with his recent short story, led us to imagine what else Franco should do.


According to the Yale Daily News, Franco hasn't yet decided if he'll actually enroll at Yale. He's currently a student in NYU's grad film program, and in two MFA programs, one at Brooklyn College and the other at Columbia. His "gappy" effort in Esquire is apparently part of a short story collection called Palo Alto (I hope it's about "thirtysomething semi-attractive well-dressed unhappy people," as a friend described Palo Alto's population when we both lived there). As Broadsheet's Sady Doyle pointed out, he's appeared on both 30 Rock and General Hospital. And he recently directed a documentary about Saturday Night Live. But as his application to Yale attests, Franco's clearly not done expanding his horizons. Here are some more things we'd like to see him do:

— join The View
— do REAL performance art, Joseph Beuys-style: lock himself in a room with a coyote
— become a Congressional page
— craft illuminated Bibles
— work for the IRS
— become a makeup artist at the MAC counter of a suburban department store
— lead tours at a natural history museum
— go door-to-door as a Jehovah's Witness
— become a spokesman for Depends
— teach a spin class
— go to space
— rule an island nation with an iron fist
— four words: James Franco, Mall Cop
— get pregnant
— dance backup for Lady Gaga
— go away


Now He Can Fall Asleep In LC, Too [Yale Daily News]
Live From Tribeca, It's ‘Saturday Night' [NYT ArtsBeat Blog]

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I'm going to start writing James Franco: Jehovah's Witness fanfiction.

The doorbell rang just as I was getting out of the shower.

"Coming," I yelled, haphazardly wrapping a towel around myself.

The man at the door was strikingly attractive, in an old, ratty suit, smelling faintly of cannabis, holding several pamphlets.

"We don't celebrate most holidays," he said.

That was all I needed. I grabbed him by the arm and dragged him inside...