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15 Super Sexy Hypothetical Novels About American Presidents

Illustration for article titled 15 Super Sexy Hypothetical Novels About American Presidents

Did you hear? Thanks to Scandal and new novel "The First Affair," having sex with the president is totally having a moment right now. Fine, have your moment, Sex with the President — but if we're really going ahead with this trend in pop culture, I think we better fully commit to it.


That in mind, here are some titles I'd like to see:

1. Polk'd: Between the Sheets with America's 11th President

2. I Like Ike or Why Call It the Cold War When It Was All So Hot?

3. Taft Dat Ass

4. Buried in Bush: One Woman, Two Presidents

5. Lee Surrendered: a Sub, a Dom, & The Overland Campaign — Tales from the Clandestine Love Affair of Robert E. Lee and Ulysses S. Grant


6. Hot in Grover Cleveland

7. Turning Down The President: I Was the One Woman Who Didn't Sleep with JFK — Oops, I Accidentally Slept with Him While Writing This Sentence; Never Mind

8. The Nude Deal: Stripping Down with Franklin D. Roosevelt

9. BJs with LBJ

10. Getting Slick with Tricky Dick

11. Founding Father: Working Out My Daddy Issues One President at a Time (Copyright 1809)


12. Rutherford Some Sugar On Me

13. Hey Thomas Jefferson, Stop Having Sex with Your Slaves and Also Stop Having Slaves


14. Drugs, Sex and Barack 'n' Roll

15. Warren G.'s Hard On

Apologies to the lovers of American history who I've offended with this list. I promise to make amends in my upcoming novel Lovers of American History or Why You Wish History Was a Human Being So That You Could Have Sex with It.


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Insert Clever Name

—Silent, Cal! The President and His Ball Gag
—Tippecanoe and Tyler Too: A White House Menage à Troi—Oh, Wait, Never Mind; My Night with Tyler
—Hold Tight to the Chops: Evenings of Passion with Chester Arthur
—What Do You Mean That Was Haldeman in the Closet with Me? My Night of Plausible Deniability with Richard Nixon
—Mustache Riding Up San Juan Hill: A Night of Hale and Vigorous Lovemaking with Teddy Roosevelt
—I Feel Your Peen: In the Back of the Campaign Bus with Clinton
—Polishing the Teapot Dome with Warren Harding
—The Night James Polk Annexed My Nether Regions