Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

14 Cruel and Incorrect Assumptions People Have Made Based on How We Look

We may earn a commission from links on this page.

It’s honesty week at Gawker Media, and if there’s one thing we’ve learned here, it’s this: Never forget not to not NOT judge a book by its cover. Inspired by BuzzFeed, we’ve put together a list of the most wrong and cruel things people think based on our appearances.

1. “That because I’m a redhead, Carrot Top is my dad!”


“People think Carrot Top is my dad just because I have red hair. He is!”

-Sophie Kleeman

2. “That just because I sniff two tablespoons of glue every day at 11 a.m., that I really like office supplies.”


“A man can just like glue.”

-Andy Orin

3. “That just because I look like someone who doesn’t necessarily have a basement full of severed ears, that I don’t actually have a basement that’s absolutely brimming with severed ears.”


“My basement is full of ears.”

-Anna Merlan

4. “That just because I walk on two legs, that my mom does too.”


“My mom is a doggie!”

-Jia Tolentino

5. “That just because I’m cishet, I wouldn’t fuck a watermelon.”


“I fuck watermelons on a regular basis.”

-Barry Petchesky

6. “That just because I’m a mammal, photosynthesis isn’t occurring on my front scalp every day.”


“Can you help me?”

-Joanna Rothkopf

7. “That just because I look Martian, have wall-to-wall red carpet in my apartment, and make constant references to how much better life is on a different planet, that I’m actually from Mars.”


“I’m interested in a lot of planets.”

-Bobby Finger

8. “That my wedding ring has ANYTHING to do with f**king!”


“What goes on in my bedroom is none of your business!”

-Kelly Stout

9. “That the large bag of money around my neck is worth more than $1.45.”


“You start feeling the neck strain around 85 cents.”

-Ashley Feinberg

10. “That just because I’m tall, I’m an NBA player that is not Penny Hardaway.”


“It’s me.”

-Penny Hardaway

11. “That people with glasses can’t start an eyelash bar, be a working mother, have a baby with Tyga, successfully establish a side narrative on America’s most prominent reality TV franchise, create their own emojis, and be intersectional feminists too.”


“Robert Kardashian is the kindest man I’ve ever met.”

-Jordan Sargent

12. “That my sexual history has anything to do with how far I can throw a football.”


“Just hand me a football. I’ll throw it all the way over there.”

-Sam Biddle

13. “That just because most people are born with one normal butthole, that I was also born with one normal butthole.”


“The scar sort of looks like a crushed railroad penny!”

-Madeleine Davies

14. “That just because my dick looks like it has problems, that I have problems with my dick.”


“I wish people would understand that even if a guy’s dick is all mashed up and covered in scar tissue, it still works.”

-Tom Ley