A piece about the cancellation of Netflix’s Bloodline published by Vulture Thursday afternoon revealed that each episode of the series (which is scheduled to end after its third season) cost “somewhere between” $7 and $8.5 million. Think about this for just a few seconds, and every muscle in your face will go limp: a family thriller starring Kyle Chandler and Sissy Spacek set in the Florida Keys that my coworkers inform me is “filled with people squinting” and taking “pregnant pauses” that wasn’t filmed in IMAX 3D and does not contain a single superhero, animated animal, or full-size replica of the Titanic will have cost Netflix somewhere between $210 and $255 million dollars.
Do you know what movies cost less that three seasons of Kyle Chandler and Sissy Spacek staring at each other and quietly attempting to convince both each other and themselves that they’re not bad people? I’ll give you 10.
1. Interstellar
Cost: $165 million
Expensive thing it has that Bloodline doesn’t: A spaceship containing Anne Hathaway that travels through a black hole!!!
2. World War Z
Cost: $190 million
Expensive thing it has that Bloodline doesn’t: A plane that crashes into a mountain while Brad Pitt and several zombies are inside it!!!
3. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Cost: $170 million
Expensive thing it has that Bloodline doesn’t: Talking apes that know how to shoot guns!!!!!
4. Wild Wild West
Cost: $170 million
Expensive thing it has that Bloodline doesn’t: Will Smith at his peak!!!!
5. King Kong
Cost: $207 million
Expensive thing it has that Bloodline doesn’t: A giant computer-generated gorilla holding Naomi Watts up as Jack Black watches!!!
6. Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Cost: $200 million
Expensive thing it has that Bloodline doesn’t: Both BB-8 AND Oscar Isaac!!!
7. Battleship
Cost: $209 million
Expensive thing it has that Bloodline doesn’t: RIHANNA ON A BATTLESHIP.
8. The Dark Knight
Cost: $185 million
Expensive thing it has that Bloodline doesn’t: Heath Ledger!!!
9. Waterworld
Cost: $172 million
Expensive thing it has that Bloodline doesn’t: Even more water than Bloodline’s Florida Keys, but WITHOUT THE LUXURY OF DRY LAND. (Spoiler alert: until the end.)
10. Titanic
Cost: $200 million
Expensive thing it has that Bloodline doesn’t: First of all, THE HEART OF THE OCEAN!!!! Second of all, THIS: