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It was only two weeks ago that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson set off what appeared to be a feud between to the two biggest bald daddies of our generation on the set of Fast & Furious 8. Like all wonderful things, it’s probably a big lie.


Here’s The Rock kicking some poor stuntman’s ass, accompanied by a caption that calls out a mysterious co-star who he just doesn’t jive with because of his unprofessional ways:

It came out that Vin Diesel was the mystery candy-ass, and rumors of the two fighting over who was the most disrespectful latecomer surfaced. The Rock walked it back with an apology, Vin Diesel seemed to fan the flames, then also complimented The Rock on his performance. It was a beautiful dance. You know why? The whole damn thing was choreographed!


Life & Style is reporting that The Rock drummed up the feud to promote the film, and it will culminate in a big phony wrestling match between the two. An insider said, “They are playing a huge prank, and it’s all for publicity...The Rock convinced Vin to amp up the drama between them so they could turn it into a WWE match to help promote the April 2017 release of Fast 8.”

I suppose there were signs from the beginning that it could all be fake, and unknowing truthers pointed out the most obvious— the use of the word “candy-ass.”

But I still think this is total horse shit and am feeling both fast and furious. I wanted a real feud between two grown men, not to be manipulated like a puppet on a keyboard. In fact, I challenge both The Rock and Vin Diesel to a fight, where I will defend my honor as a blogger who has dedicated hours to twisting futilely in their web of lies, including a 25-minute video of Vin Diesel murmuring on a mountain top. Meet me in the ring, or meet yourself in the mirror and face your shame.