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Vagina Power
More Wise Words From Alexyss Tylor
Even though I have no idea what the fuck Alexyss "Vagina Power" Tylor is talking about when she goes off on one of her impassioned motivational speeches for women, I still sort of agree with everything she's saying. Here are some choice quotes from her latest rant: "When he pulls all them inches of dick out your damn pussy and out your damn mouth, you got to figure out how you gone pay your own damn bills and feed your own damn churn [children]." That's real. Then she says, "You think he cares somethin' about you because of the feeling you get when he all in your ass." That, too, is real. Tylor goes on, "Inactions speak, and what a n—-a don't do to you, with you, and for you and your damn churn and your family should tell you a lot about if the motherfucker care somethin' about your goddamn ass." She's so wise! (Language in video NSFW.)
ARE YOU A JUMP OFF BITCH OR A DICK A DICK SUCKIN TRICK PT.2 [YouTube]
Primp my vadge
Ingrown Pubes, Yeast Infections: Reality TV Contestant Keeps It Really Real
This clip is kinda old, as it's from the 2005 season of Big Brother Australia. But after an Australian reader pointed it out to us, we couldn't resist posting it. It features the contestants hanging out in their bedroom, where Vesna, one of the women in the house, discovers she has an ingrown pubic hair and wants help digging it out. She also mentions that she believes she has thrush (a yeast infection) and asks everyone if they can smell it. Her male roommate is totally disgusted, and says so, repeatedly referring to her vagina as her "buhgah" (Australian for "burger"). But Vesna doesn't care, and her in-your-face-ness about the whole thing is kinda awesome.
Vesna's Burger — Big Brother Uncut [YouTube]
Speaking Of Porn…
Protesters have been gathering outside Secrets Lingerie Shop in Vacaville, CA. They are filming customers entering the store and holding up signs that say "Smile, You're on YouTube!" Unsurprisingly, it's a bunch of religious nut jobs behind the whole thing, who are planning on posting the footage to YouTube, obviously to embarrass the people who enter the adult shop, which sells lingerie, novelty items, and porno. Protester and youth pastor, Jim White said, "If even only one of the dozens of customers we've deterred from entering is a married person about to do something shady behind their spouse's back, then mission accomplished." Yeah, because people buying panties, vibrators, and porno are soooooo shady. [AVN]
leftovers
SNL's Mr. Bill Is Back! • Masochist Wannabe Ballerinas Teach Themselves Pointe
Oh noooo! Mr. Bill is back, shilling for our creditors. • Unrealistic movie inspires realistic tips for single women managing their money. • Telling overweight teens that they are fat will most likely make them gain more weight within 5 years. • A Dutch man injures his bum in a mooning prank gone wrong. • Mothers are seen as the gatekeepers for a father's involvement with their child. • Friends are not necessarily determined by common interests but more by proximity or group assignment. • A 22-year old Iranian student was sentenced to a year in prison for campaigning for women's rights in Iran. • A group of 15 women try to thank a man for pleasing and satisfying them for one entire, exhausting day. • High-risk teen girls have a lower chance of contracting STDs if they participate in SAFE, a sexual education program. • A serial cat killer and torturer is on the loose in Portland State University in Oregon. • Female law firm uses gender stereotypes in ads to claim that women are better lawyers. • Amateur ballerinas attempt to teach themselves to dance en pointe. Do not try it at home!
lady bunches
Exploitation Feminism: "Break One Of Our Rules, And You Won't Live To Regret It"
Today, Susie Bright's blog turned us onto The Female Bunch, a scare film from 1969 warning people about the dangerous influences of feminism by "turning women's lib into a menacing reality." LOL! Apparently, that reality is much like an old western movie, where women band together, ride horses, alternately fuck and torture men, and beat up guys wearing drug rugs, all while having impossibly sexy hair. Disturbingly, the movie was actually filmed at the Spahn Ranch in Southern California around the same time that the Manson Family was living (and killing people) there.
The Female Bunch (1969, color) Trailer [YouTube via Susie Bright]
Oldies But Goodies
A reader sent us the link to this 1988 Mexican commercial starring one miss Salma Hayek. From the film direction to the wardrobe to the theme song to the gum-snapping Abuelita and the wolf that gets out of the car, It is a work of twisted genius. (Click picture to see embedded video). [YouTube]
crystal clear
YouTube Rape Teen May Actually Be Victim Of Girl-On-Girl Crime
"The Smoking Gun" has court documents that detail the story of Crystal, the Florida teenager who turned to YouTube after her rape case was dropped in by prosecutors. And it just might be a case of girl-on-girl crime. In police interviews, the 16-year-old describes meeting Casey Mundling (pictured), 23, at a party in 2007. She was 15 at the time. She told investigators, "I wanted a guy in my life 'cause my mom's boyfriends have never been there for me. And my dad wasn't there so I thought alright he's older maybe he'll respect me, but it didn't go like that." She accuses Mudling of "always getting" her "drunk, high on cocaine and pills" before they had sex. Crystal also says that Mundling threatened to harm her and her family if "she said anything to anyone." Last June, Crystal went to the hospital because she "was upset and tried to commit suicide." More »
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Teenage Rape Victim Turns To YouTube For Help
The clip at left is a report about an upsetting YouTube video created by a 16-year-old girl named Crystal, who says, "I need some help. I didn't want to do it this way, but it's the only way I know that's going to work, that someone out there in the world is gonna listen to me." Crystal explains that a 23-year-old man has raped and drugged her and the Florida State attorney won't prosecute him. Writes CNN's Ashley Fantz: "For an online generation, the Web offers what traditional counseling does not. It's a chance to communicate without having to face someone or fear their judgment. Some people are seeking legal advice and medical information, and many younger victims believe they can warn others about their accused attacker, counselors say." And according to Scott Berkowitz, the founder and president of RAINN, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, more and more young victims are talking about their experiences online. More »
clips
Barack O'Bollywood: Your Office Will Thank You
Barack Obama is sort of like Jesus in that you might hate the messiah-worship thing, but you cannot fucking deny the power of some of the art he's inspired. Suck it, Shepard Fairey, and check out the "Barack O'Bollywood" clip at left, briefly mentioned in this morning's Crappy Hour.
Related: Obama Graffiti Wars [Politico]
Barack Obama's Speeches Get Karaoke Treatment [Telegraph]
cat fancy
Two Girls, One Cup? Meet Two Cats, One Treadmill
I don't know about you, but this is just what I needed today. Two cats. One treadmill. Good times! Video begins above.
When The News Day Is Slow We'll Always Have 2 Cats On A Treadmill [Best Week Ever]
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An Early Happy Mother's Day!
John Roberts is the dude who created one of my favorite recurring YouTube skits: The Jersey/Long Island Mom. (Check out his other classics The Christmas Tree and The Phone Call.) Maybe it's just a regional thing, but many aspects of his "mom" character resemble those of my mom, her sisters, and other women I've grown up around (replete with glasses upon glasses of white wine, compulsive cleaning, a wardrobe of workout gear, and talking on the phone while on the toilet). Anyway, here's an early Happy Mother's Day to all those moms out there, including mine, whose tendencies, while mortifying when I was younger, are nothing short of hilarious now.
Mother's Day [YouTube]
clips
The Paper's Amanda Lorber Wins Hearts, Sings Songs
We love MTV's The Paper, and its fearless editor-in-chief Amanda Lorber. FourFour's Rich Juzwiak (whom you may recognize as the hunky voice of reason from Pot Psychology) wrote a great post about Amanda that puts into words — much more eloquently than we ever could — just how wonderful The Paper really is. ("It's raw but it doesn't show bruises. It's harsh but it's not cruel. I can't think of a better medium to portray the all-too-real-but-still-not-quite-real world of high school than that of pseudo-reality television.") The best, though, is that Rich tipped us off to Amanda's YouTube page. The clip above is her interpretation of Mr. Roboto. Enjoy!
My New Favorite Show [FourFour]
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Interpretation Of Mariah Carey Is Music To Our Ears
There's a guy on YouTube who goes by the name of Jeremimi that does awesome multi-layered a capella versions of Mariah Carey songs. They're sort of hypnotizing and just as silly and fun as the originals. On his YouTube profile page, he says, "Mariah Carey is my only true influence. I can't really say that I am 'influenced' by anyone else's music or voice. However, I am a fan of other vocalists like Whitney Houston, Aretha Franklin, etc. But Mariah's the only singer whom I borrowed technique from." OMG, it's like we were separated at birth! Anyway, check him out.
It's Like That - Mariah Carey Karaoke [YouTube]
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Mariah Carey Almost Pulls An Ashlee Simpson Performing "Live" On GMA
This morning, Mariah Carey appeared on Good Morning America for its Summer Concert Series (is it really summer yet!?) and performed three songs. During "Touch My Body," her backing track — aka, her crutch, should her voice crap out, and she can't hit a particular note — kicked in way earlier than it should, fucking up the beginning of the song. Mimi recovered nicely, and went on to sing the song with her actual voice, but about three minutes in, the backing track got messed up again. This time, she turned around, pointed at her back up singers and sang, "Stop singin' my part now, bay-bay." Like it was their fault or something!
Mariah Carey 1 of 3 (Live on GMA ) "Touch My Body" [YouTube]
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Khia Talks Back: "Bitch, I Am Miss Rap Supreme"
On the latest Miss Rap Supreme, veteran rapper Khia — who had the the gold-selling single "My Neck, My Back" — was disqualified from the show because it was discovered that she'd been rapping material she'd previously written, recorded, and released in the challenges and elimination rounds. (The rules specify that lyrics need to be original material written that day.) Khia isn't that upset about it, saying that she didn't enter the competition to win, but for "the opportunity to promote my muthafuckin' self on muthafuckin' TV." She talks tons of shit on her opponents, MC Serch, and the viewers, who she essentially calls retarded by saying, "Some of y'all still hooked on phonics and y'all still don't get it. That little short bus going by outside your house?" Then she cackled maniacally. Clip above.
Khia Snaps About Vh1 Miss Rap Supreme [YouTube via Nah Right]
Aroma Therapy
Remember rapper Riskay's heartfelt song about her cheating boyfriend "Smell Yo Dick"? Well, she finally got around to making an official video for it. The role of the boyfriend is played by a Big Pun impersonator, and the role of the "stripper ho named Diamond" is played by a Paris Hilton type. (Click image to view video.) [YouTube]
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VD Is For Everybody
You know, we're always so caught up on the negative aspect of STDs that we forget the one sort of beautiful thing — they're so inclusive! Venereal diseases, as the 1969 PSA shown here points out, are for everyone (including, apparently, gurgling little babies). While the ad certainly meant well by attempting to take away some of the stigma of STDs by illustrating that any type of person can contract them, it still is pretty confusing, because nothing is really explained, making it appear as though VD is something that everyone should strive for, rather than avoid.
VD Is For Everybody [YouTube]
