<

One Million Moms Protests Chobani's Sinful Lesbian Yogurt

If there’s one thing God hates, it’s sin. And if there are two things God hates, it’s sin and yogurt. And if there are three things that grind His gears, it’s sin, yogurt, and steamy, sensual lesbians feeding each other Satan’s own fermented lactobacillus bulgarius. Who, O Lord, will speak for the righteous, hetero,… » 6/17/15 11:10pm 6/17/15 11:10pm

Sochi Mess Has Finally Gone Too Far: U.S. Athletes Deprived of Yogurt

Somewhere in Newark Liberty International Airport, vessel containing 5,000 Chobani yogurt containers idly sits in refrigeration, its future unknown. The yogurt, meant to nourish the athletes of the US Olympic Team in Sochi, had been blocked by the Russian government on the grounds that the US has not submitted the… » 2/06/14 2:30pm 2/06/14 2:30pm

Oh No, Ladies: Chobani Greek Yogurt Linked to 89 Reports of Illness

Since Jezebel is a site for ladies and things ladies like, and since yogurt is the number one thing ladies like/want/see/eat/do/rub all over ourselves/others, I suppose we should talk about how a bunch of Chobani Greek yogurt manufactured in Twin Falls, Idaho has made 89 people ill with nausea and cramps. DAMMIT… » 9/10/13 9:30pm 9/10/13 9:30pm

Meet the Foods That Are Trying to Murder You This Weekend

Food is good, except when it’s BAD, as in stabby-stab-stab in your pancreas and colon bad. Some foods have been masquerading as good, when in fact they are murderous psychopaths, determined to trick you to ingesting them so they can perforate your internal organs. The safe eater is the paranoid and over-informed… » 9/07/13 2:30pm 9/07/13 2:30pm

Greek Yogurt's Global Takeover Continues With New Starbucks Brand

It's Greek yogurt, see. It's Greeker than regular yogurt. Eat it. You love it. All other yogurt must kneel before Greek yogurt. Zeus is now intergalactic hegemon of yogurt. Oh, so you think Zeus is not real? Foolish mortal. He sprang into form 'pon Mount Olympus because yogurt willed it so. Greek yogurt. Now… » 7/24/13 11:00am 7/24/13 11:00am

Powerful Brogurt: Yogurt for Bros

Real talk, ladies. Don't you just hate it when you're talking to a super cute guy at the gym and you think you're getting your perfect flirt on, but then he pulls out a container of Greek yogurt and starts snacking on it like Greek yogurt is an okay thing for men to eat? It's like — warning bells — this dude probably… » 2/25/13 6:00pm 2/25/13 6:00pm

'Birth Control on the Bottom Yogurt' Combines Our Two Favorite Woman-Things into One Bowel-Flushing Womb Snack!

If there's one thing I know as a modern diverse lady-woman, it's that if there's one thing diverse groups of modern female ladies like better than not getting baby-pregnant, it's bowel regularity! Lucky for both of our bottom-holes, now there's Dannon's Birth Control on the Bottom Yogurt. » 1/21/13 5:00pm 1/21/13 5:00pm