Your World Cup Boyfriend Tim Howard Smolders on the Cover of AdWeek

The World Cup is over — Germany won, BTW — and now the spotlight can return to America’s football champion Tim Howard and his chiseled abs. You know, the important stuff. » 7/14/14 9:45am 7/14/14 9:45am

Soccer is Apparently Part of Gay Agenda Because of Colored Shoes

An Orthodox Russian priest is celebrating Russia's loss in the World Cup. Does he hate soccer? Yes. Because it's incredibly slow and boring? No. Because it's apparently all part of a "homosexual abomination" plan to oppose Christianity. Right. Of course. » 7/07/14 8:59pm 7/07/14 8:59pm

World Cup Soccer Stats Erase The Sport's Most Dominant Players: Women

There are few sporting events I get as excited about as the World Cup. I played soccer in high school, in the NCAA, and for five years post-college, including two glorious years in the Golden Gate Women's League, Premier Division. What the U.S. Men's National Team has accomplished is extraordinary, with a second… » 7/07/14 3:40pm 7/07/14 3:40pm

Tim Howard Is an Impenetrable Force of Bearded Hotness

Tim Howard, the USMNT goalie who captured America’s heart and thwarted 16 goals during yesterday's U.S. v. Belgium match, patched into MSNBC to talk about being bearded and handsome. Just kidding, he talked about World Cup and stuff too. » 7/02/14 1:30pm 7/02/14 1:30pm

​This Dog Cares About the World Cup Way More Than You Do

Portugal may have won their match against Ghana on Thursday, but unfortunately they didn't make it to the round of 16. And no one knows that feel like Severa, the dog, who also adorably celebrated Portugal's equalizer against the US last Sunday. » 6/28/14 3:00pm 6/28/14 3:00pm

Behold the Girl Scout Cookie World Cup

The Girl Scouts of the USA have made a little video featuring a team of Thin Mints playing soccer against a team of Samoas. Predictably, it's adorable. Unpredictably, the video features a cameo by a bloodthirsty cookie they're calling Luis "Samoa" Suarez, after the recently-suspended Uruguayan player with a habit of… » 6/27/14 6:30pm 6/27/14 6:30pm

Genius Performance Artist Ann Coulter Is Now Pretending to Hate Soccer

Performance artist/"conservative pundit" Ann Coulter — whose previous bold works include "No Woman Should Be President" and "Screw You, Obama" — has debuted her newest piece, a brave and stunning indictment on American sports culture masked by a heightened and ridiculous tirade against soccer, on the Clarion-Ledger. » 6/26/14 6:45pm 6/26/14 6:45pm

This World Cup Domestic Violence PSA Will Haunt You

A chilling new PSA seeks to remind the public about the very real connection between the rise in domestic violence and the World Cup. » 6/25/14 10:40am 6/25/14 10:40am

It's Time for Some More Joyous, Sweaty, World Cup Thighlights

Hello and we're back with another rendition of thighlights! Over the past couple of days some people lost soccer games and some people won soccer games but everybody worked up a sweat, whether they were watching a game or playing in it. » 6/23/14 4:00pm 6/23/14 4:00pm

Here Are All the World Cup Thighlights You'll Ever Need

USA! USA! USA! Ahem, now that we've gotten out of the way, let's check out some Hot International Soccer Players. Because when it comes to athletic physiques, we are no chauvinists. » 6/21/14 5:00pm 6/21/14 5:00pm

World Cup Soccer Teams Face Consequences Over Homophobic Fans

Mexico and Brazil's World Cup soccer teams are facing disciplinary action following obnoxious behavior by their respective fan bases, who simply could not resist the urge to yell gay slurs at players from the other teams. But the two Latin American teams aren't the only ones with fan bases full of shitheads who can't… » 6/19/14 7:00pm 6/19/14 7:00pm

World Cup Condoms Are Selling Like Sexy Brazilian Hotcakes

There's just something about major sporting events that makes people wanna do it. Exhibit A: The brisk sales of (unofficial!) special edition World Cup condoms, which are Brazilian green and yellow and taste like a Caipirinha, the country's national cocktail. » 6/18/14 12:20pm 6/18/14 12:20pm

The Hottest Lists of Hot World Cup Players: A List

Did you know that the World Cup is full of hotties? Because it is full of hotties, as evidenced by the almost epidemic boom from zero to ubiquity of the Hot World Cup Player List, as put out by every single outlet in America. As a public service, we've put together the definitive list of definitive lists of hot World… » 6/16/14 4:00pm 6/16/14 4:00pm