March starts tomorrow. We should be able to see the light at the end of the ice-tunnel that is winter, and yet huge swaths of the country are still despair-inducing frozen hellholes. And so, many Americans are currently willing to do anything to escape the cold.
While some kids spend their time using old rituals
If you're in the Southeast or the Northeast, things are a little crazy outside.
"First," says Lucas Heiberger, "you put three ice cubes in each toilet of your house." The New York City fifth grader was interviewed this morning for NBC News' storm coverage, during which he revealed his "formula" that he believes helps get school cancelled for a snow day.
If there is a God, this winter he's made it pretty clear that he never wants to you to feel the warmth of the sun on your face or the tickle of grass on your feet ever again. But paralyzing ice storms and butt-puckering temperatures are no excuse to give up and despair. Not when there's so much amazing TV to watch.
As you probably know, this winter fucking sucks
Dude, winter is so awful that penguins in the UK need prozac.
Normally, the Olympics, with their feel good pageantry, would provide valuable respite from seasonal ennui. But this year, the Olympics are just making things worse.
According to freeloading rodents Punxsutawney Phil and Staten Island Chuck, America has six weeks of winter left. And honestly? I'm not sure we're going to make it. It's been so cold for so long that The Shining is starting to look like a documentary. Will this stupid frigid weather ever end?
It's cold in the middle of the country. Hair follicle numbingly, butt puckeringly, jean freezingly cold. And so, when the National Weather Services forecasted treacherous wind chills for their city, University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign students collectively hoped the school's Chancellor Phyllis Wise would cancel…
Judging by Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, every news headline, and the feeling of morbid, animal fear I felt when I put my face close to the window, it's ball-shriveling, ovary-freezing, nose-blackeningly cold outside today. So how the fuck are you supposed to dress? Elaborately.
Have you heard of Blue Monday? It's the most depressing day of the year. And allegedly today is the day.
Thanks to Canada failing to sufficiently warm up a big blanket of freezing air descending southward from the Arctic, for much of the lower 48 states, the next couple of days are going to be colder than Jack Frost's butt plug. Some of the forecasted wind chills are so cold they're almost unfathomable — unless you grew…
In news that makes me really hungry, the city of Milwaukee, Wisconsin is testing the use of mozzarella and provolone cheese brine to make winter roads less slippery.
Winter officially begins on December 21, but weather-wise, it's already here. Now that we've sorted out which boots
Here in the Northeast, we've been dealing with a little snow, a lot of slush and freezing temperatures. Elsewhere in this great nation, it's even worse. Bundling up is obvious: Sweaters, scarves, hats, gloves, coats. But what about your feet? WHAT DO YOU DO ABOUT YOUR POOR COLD FEET?
Now that temperatures are dropping (or have dropped — I see you, Minneapolis) into their winter depths, shiverers across the country are fighting back with puffy down coats. Unfortunately, the very jacket responsible for saving sanity is also responsible for promoting animal cruelty.
[DALLAS, TX - DECEMBER 06: Icicles form on a barricade in front of the Dallas skyline on December 6, 2013 in Dallas, Texas. The ice storm that has hit North Texas has left over 250,000 residents and businesses without power and has led to more than 1,700 flight delays and cancellations across the country. (Photo by…
Dog Kari runs through the snow on the Wurmberg mountain in Braunlage, northern Germany, Sunday Feb. 3, 2013. Weather forecasts predict colder temperatures for the next days. (AP Photo/dpa, Philipp Schulze)
