If you live in Brooklyn, you'd better get all that shit you bought off Etsy and put it in some kind of whimsical vault with a vintage vinyl covering, because hipsters are coming for you and your OOAK bear sex ring. (And they're taking cameras, too. How else they gonna take some dope selfies?)

Not Watching Girls is where we detail the real-life foibles, exploits, and hot and hilarious haps of what we were doing in our exciting, glamorous, and emotional lives in our Brooklyn apartments during the half-hour the critically acclaimed HBO series Girls airs.

The boozy painting hipster art club in Williamsburg achieved the sort of vintage coolness that so many hipsters try (and fail) to achieve: on Thursday night, the NYPD shut down the popular art-and-wine class, calling it an “illegal speakeasy.”

The new Urban Outfitters opening up in Williamsburg will include a restaurant and bar, so that every tribal-clad undergrad can realize his or her dream of perusing "Navajo" panties while also eating overpriced (but surely seasonal) vegetables. Don't stain your "Fly Girl" crop top!

If you live in certain areas of Brooklyn and have a mannequin in your store window, use an iPad, or occasionally venture into your front yard in a housecoat, watch out: the Modesty Mafia is onto you. The New York Times reports:

This fine Friday morning, the Wall Street Journal, a paragon of journalistic excellence and curmudgeonly fiscal conservatism, asked a very important, very incisive question that really cuts right to the core of modern civilization: can there be such a thing as "hipster" wine? The short answer? Fuck yes there is such a…

The ongoing case against 54-year-old Nechemya Weberman, a beloved pillar of Brooklyn's Satmar Hasidic community who is accused of repeatedly raping a now 17-year-old girl during years of one-on-one "counseling sessions," is illustrative of how sexual molestation is covered up within close-knit communities, but also of…

If you're self-conscious about your lack of artistic talent or manual dexterity with a paintbrush, take heart — a few glasses of Pinot Grigio might be all that's standing in your way on the path to artistic greatness.

Men have had long hair since practically the beginning of time, but, if you believe the New York Times, guys have only just figured out that you can put your hair up in a bun. Cue the simultaneous "duhs" from ladies across the planet, for whom buns are a way of life. Of course, now that young, hip men have latched on…

Thanks to the reader who sent pictures of the advertising easel sitting outside Williamsburg, Brooklyn's "Subway" bar promoting $5 drink specials...and, it seems, sexual assault. The "Cum On In": an especially disgusting touch. [Woman Of Steele]

[New York, November 1. Image via Getty]

Ever wonder if your H&M dress could pass for its designer original? We do, and that's why we are bringing back Label Whores, in which we sew designer labels on cheap chic clothing and attempt to fake out some of the snobbiest sartorialists out there: big city consignment store buyers. In today's installment, we travel…