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giveaways
Dear Diary
Secret Diary Of A Call Girl Premieres; Fictional Hooker Blows
Last night was the U.S. premiere of Secret Diary of a Call Girl, the show based on the book based on the blog based on the life of a supposed high class call girl Belle de Jour. Because Belle has somehow always remained anonymous through this whole thing, there's been a lot of speculation as to whether or not she really exists. It's easier to swallow this bunk as fiction, because as pro-sex worker as I am, I actually know real hookers in real life—from Craigslist call girls to porn actresses who need extra cash to occasional snow bunnies—and they really aren't anything like Billie Piper's portrayal of Belle. However, since the show is kind of a really nice, glamorized version of a really shitty job, Call Girl is to hooking what Sex and the City is to single women: A fantasy that will have a bunch of whores saying they relate. Clip above.
faking it
We All Love Happy Hookers Because We Are All Hookers
Heather Havrilesky, writing on Salon today, has spoken to my soul. Unlike Heather, I can profess no real reality TV obsession, unless you're going to talk about Dirty Jobs, which isn't even so much an obsession with Dirty Jobs as it is unrequited love for Mike Rowe, so I'll admit that I'll likely never watch Denise Richards: It's Complicated and I'm certainly not going to pay for premium cable to watch Secret Diary of a Call Girl, both of which she liked well enough for fluff. This, however, isn't really about that. It's about how Heather, not even knowing me, has realized the deep extent of my intellectual whoredom, and has told me that I am not alone. More »
trojan whores
Related: The History Of Vibrators [Times of London]
Cable Vibrator Commercial Acknowledges That Masturbation Is For Women Of All Ages
Late one night this weekend, I happened to catch a commercial on basic cable (I've seen it on both E! and Oxygen) for Trojan's Vibrating Touch. It's for one of those crappy little finger vibes that don't do much, but still it's kinda nice to see a vibrator commercial on TV that doesn't require a man as an accessory, like the Durex vibrating ring. Also, I particularly love the "Bish Plz" look the old lady gives the girls in the commercial, like, "I been fuckin' with that thing for a minute." However, I'd like to offer a big "Bish Plz" to Trojan for charging $19.99 + shipping and handling.Related: The History Of Vibrators [Times of London]
pot psychology
Earlier: Dr. Ruth Personally Advises Us On Period Sex
"How Do I Convince A Guy To Have Period Sex?"
It's time for another installment of Pot Psychology, the advice column in which everyone's problems are solved with an "herbal" remedy. (Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, my friend till the end, Rich, helps me dole out advice on stuff like lactating, cream pies, and male virgins. Got a burning question? Send it to tips@jezebel.com with "Pot Psychology" in the subject line. (Please keep them short; they're verrrry hard to read when stoned.) P.S. No animals were drugged in the making of this video.Earlier: Dr. Ruth Personally Advises Us On Period Sex
sexplanations
The Sexist Business Of Sex Writing
I'm pissed. It's an anger that's been on a slow boil that's beginning to bubble over, and at this point, there's no putting a lid on it. I've been writing about sex on a pretty public platform for some time now, at first anonymously, and then under my real name. I've had to endure ignorant assumptions and cheap shots made about my looks, my weight, my vagina, my tits, my sexual health, my mental health, my morality, my character — and all for what? Being honest? For liking sex? I've poured my guts out all over my keyboard, and I'm well aware that that invites criticism, particularly on the internet, where people think they can say whatever the fuck they please — in the most offensive manner possible that they would never employ in real life — with impunity because they're protected behind a shroud of anonymity. It's frustrating. And lemme tell you, I am so sick of people telling me, "You write about sex and personal issues. You have to accept that people will sling insults." Fuck. That. Shit. I don't have to accept it. I refuse to accept it. Mostly because I know that this wouldn't happen if I were a man.
More »
Air America talk-show host Randi Rhodes was suspended from her show this afternoon for reportedly calling Hillary Clinton and Geraldine Ferraro "whores." Regardless of one's Obamania, Hillbottery or even inexplicable longing for Nader, I think we can all agree that Randi was out of line and probably the exact reason that all liberals and Democrats need to take a couple of deep breaths of some spring air and remember who the real enemy is: Republicans. (Or ourselves. It's getting hard to remember.) [Politico]
whores
Jezebel Crush Eliot Spitzer Involved In Prostitution Ring?
Hey! What do you know! It's totally "It's Official, You Can Hate All Men Now" day. New York governor Eliot Spitzer is about to announce something about his how he fucks hookers for money or somesuch.The details aren't known. But, like, what the fuck, right? Eliot Spitzer has long been a Jezecrush for his tireless crusades on the criminal greed (and culture of impunity etc.) that run so rampant on Wall Street. Sure, he was always the sort of guy we never really wanted to meet in person. He's self-aggrandizing, arrogant and mean and most dudes like that rub us the wrong way. But um, no one expected him to rub anyone that wrong a way. And yet! Isn't this sort of the same hypocritical shit we've come to expect from such once-renowned moralizers as Ted Haggard and Newt Gingrich and Larry Craig and Britney Spears? Pretty much! Okay, so: a silver lining. I've got one! More »
rag trade
Zac Posen To Visit The Land Of Oz
- Zac Posen for Target Australia?! I would be super excited if I weren't super depressed that he's not designing for Target U.S.A. [Sassybella]
- Parisian rock band Rock & Roll has written a new song about their experience attending Milan Fashion Week. The song's name? "Coke Freaks and Fashion Whores." Of course. [WWD, 1st item]
- Claudia Schiffer's favorite image of herself in the upcoming "Metamorphosis" campaign she shot with Karl Lagerfeld? "The one where I look like a man. It reminds me of my brother." [Vogue UK]
- The latest limited edition Marc Jacobs fragrances are supposed to smell like sorbet. So, y'know, you can smell like food instead of eating it. [Nylon]
old whores
On Heidi Fleiss And Why Sex Workers Are So Wise
Hollywood madam and ex-con Heidi Fleiss has grandiose plans to build a fully-sustainable brothel and accompanying "Stud Farm" in the "Prostitution state" of Nevada. It will be powered by the wind. And there's probably a pun in there but I sort of wanted to use the February ELLE story of this lofty endeavor to put my finger to the wind of Jezzie public sentiment about a specific issue: do you think Heidi Fleiss is awesome? (And also: why are sex workers always so wise?) (And also: would you fuck a male whore?) Having dined with Heidi once — she ate the food off my plate and did not appear to puke in the whole evening I spent with her so I was confused as to why she was 80 pounds, but that's neither here nor there — I remember thinking Heidi was a pretty admirable lady. And this story only reinforces that view! More »
clips
Juno Star Ellen Page Lives In A Haunted Whorehouse
Ellen Page, who plays the title character in hit flick Juno, was on Letterman last night, and succeeded in cracking up old (bearded and bespectacled) Dave. Ellen described her home in Halifax, Nova Scotia, which is, apparently, inhabited by the klepto ghosts of dead prostitutes. Clip, above.
Note to all you socialists out there: Best not criticize capitalism on television while wearing a Gucci and Louis Vuitton outfit. Case in point: Venezualan Minister of the Interior Pedro Carreno, who did just that and was then left speechless when a reporter called him out on it. Best of all, the event was captured on camera. Touche! [Reuters]
publicity whores
For some time I have been obsessed with Juile Roehm. She used to have pretty much the most objectionable job possible, which was to try and convince consumers Wal-Mart was "hip" through the powers of marketing, but then she was fired in a way that actually made Wal-Mart look like the good guy, because apparently the only kind of respectable policy they have is to not inadvertently contribute to waste by accepting free shit from advertising agencies and vendors and she broke that a bunch of times while on extended business trips to New York that were even further extended by the fact that she was screwing her underling, and then when she was fired she sued and Wal-Mart released all these lovey-dovey emails between them that maybe they got from the underling's wife — they were, natch, both married — and suddenly the tabloids filled up with all these reports of them showing up in pajamas at the Bentonville Starbucks and generally carrying on like two Access Hollywood reporters clinging to one another in the middle of a war zone.
More »
Wal-Tart Julie Roehm's Sad, Slutty Fight With Wal-Mart Is Over
For some time I have been obsessed with Juile Roehm. She used to have pretty much the most objectionable job possible, which was to try and convince consumers Wal-Mart was "hip" through the powers of marketing, but then she was fired in a way that actually made Wal-Mart look like the good guy, because apparently the only kind of respectable policy they have is to not inadvertently contribute to waste by accepting free shit from advertising agencies and vendors and she broke that a bunch of times while on extended business trips to New York that were even further extended by the fact that she was screwing her underling, and then when she was fired she sued and Wal-Mart released all these lovey-dovey emails between them that maybe they got from the underling's wife — they were, natch, both married — and suddenly the tabloids filled up with all these reports of them showing up in pajamas at the Bentonville Starbucks and generally carrying on like two Access Hollywood reporters clinging to one another in the middle of a war zone.
More »
not-so-chastity beltway
Did All That Whoring Make 'Washingtonienne' Jessica Cutler A Kind Of Genius?
Jessica Cutler, that whorey Senate aide who is basically the political world's answer to "Supahead," just gave an interview to sex-positive writer lady Susie Bright in which she basically comes off really cool and smart and decent and frank and Susie Bright comes off like she wants reduced-admission entry into Jessica Cutler's vagina. Anyway Cutler said something before she got to the part about drugs and alcohol that gave me the spins that I wanted to point out before I puke all over myself:When I start to feel defensive, my attitude is sort of like, if people are calling me a whore, "Well, what's wrong with being a whore?" You know? I mean, I think girls who are sex workers — and men, all sex workers — they see another side of humanity and sexuality. People who've never worked in the sex industry — people who've never done it — don't know the half of it.
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designer dispatch
NYC Label Whores Are Suckers; Soaked
Fresh from our email inbox and courtesy of our friend Amelia (love that name!):I was feeling super proud for rousing myself out of bed on this rainy Wednesday in order to attend a yoga class in Union Square (this close to achieving a headstand, woohoo!), but my efforts were totally overshadowed by the huge crowd of people lined up outside (and around the block) of the neighborhood Whole Foods. Was there a sale on the normally $6-bucks a pound grapes or something? I asked one of the many fashion-y girls waiting in line and clutching half a dozen shopping bags what the deal was. "I'm not a plastic bag," she snipped.More »
press whores
Dear Mssrs. Klein, Zucker, Moonves, And Oh Yeah, Ailes: About That Faith Hill Picture
Are you a representative of a nationally-recognized media outlet looking to hear more about our Redbook/Faith Hill story? A representative of a not-so-nationally recognized media outlet? Or just, you know, a Representative? (We love Barney Frank!) Doesn't matter! If you want quotes, images or what have you from our end, there's an easy way to get in touch with us: Email. Try us at press@jezebel.com. And yes, our (male) bosses made us do it. Proof that the patriarchy is alive and well!
Showing who really wore the painfully high heels in their relationship, Jimmy Choo founder Tamara Mellon's ex-husband James Mellon was cleared of charges accusing him of having illegally spied on his wife during their divorce proceedings. Mellon was deemed to much of a bumbling idiot (or drug addict!) to have ever thought of, yet alone executed, such a scheme. And right here is where we should make some Nancy Sinatra "walk on over you" joke, but fuck it, we're tired. [Telegraph]
NBC evening news anchor Brian Williams has actually lost more viewers over the past 39 weeks than perpetually-beleaguered CBS evening news anchor Katie Couric. Maybe Brian ought to, in the words of Dan Rather, "tart up" his broadcast? [MediaBistro]
