Veil Yeah: My Obsession With a Contentious Swath of Tulle

I did not expect to give any shits about veils, to be honest. They are just one or a few layers of airy fabric, and they are usually only available in like, three colors, and like, four styles, and all you do is poke them into the back of your head for like, 30 minutes, and for what reason? I never thought of veils at… »10/23/15 12:50pm10/23/15 12:50pm

A Bump in the Wedding Road, a Financial Freakout

Everything is going great! will be my last words, just as they are for so many others—right before Satan’s pitchfork sails through the space between my back ribs, pierces my heart and lungs in one sanguine grab, and I am hauled away, bobbing like a chunk of sirloin on a kebab, down all the flights of stairs to hell,… »10/09/15 2:20pm10/09/15 2:20pm

5 Insane Things From Martha Stewart Weddings Magazine, Fall 2015

Is it the hardening of one’s heart that makes one less and less impervious to envy with each passing issue of Martha Stewart Weddings as one’s wedding clock ticks and ticks on? My wedding clock admonishes, “Nine months left, young lady!” and with that I book and book, plan and plan, dig and dig myself further into the… »10/02/15 3:30pm10/02/15 3:30pm

'Wedding Inspiration' Photo Shoots Are Killing Me Not-So-Softly

It is one thing to wince at the glow of a Real Wedding staring back at you from a blog, to scroll through—one eye closed, the other wide open—the documentation of a Real Day That Really Happened for One Real Couple. In most cases, behind the curtains of hanging moss and curls of calligraphy, you can almost see glints… »9/25/15 11:45am9/25/15 11:45am

It's Not So Easy to Say Yes to the Dress

If you were to ask me about my dress shopping right when I’d started the process, I’d probably gush all over your face about the incredible power of seeing oneself as wholly beautiful for the first time, the unprecedented bonding opportunity between mother and daughter that is picking out the latter’s first-ever… »9/14/15 1:30pm9/14/15 1:30pm

4 Things You Should Never Have to Hear if You're Planning a Wedding

If you’ve ever dared to utter the “W”-word in conversation with a group of 20-somethings in a major American metropolis, chances are you’ve opened the door to an onslaught of stock responses. Pew-pew-pew! Like little silver BBs they fly out of people’s mouths, these most disparaging opinions about weddings, aimed not… »8/20/15 10:25am8/20/15 10:25am

5 Insane Things From Martha Stewart Weddings Magazine, Summer 2015

Not gonna lie: I’ve been sort of nailing it these past couple weeks in the wedding planning department. I’ve narrowed down my dress to just two gorgeous contenders, we’re about to sign a contract with a wonderful caterer, and we’ve decided we’re going to design our own paper suite. For the first time as a bride-to-be,… »8/13/15 11:22am8/13/15 11:22am

The Wedding Gowns I Didn't Want, and What I Learned From Them

Over the course of three short days last week, my mother and I went shopping for dresses, both hers and mine. It was my first crack at it, and we trotted around Manhattan and Brooklyn at a fever pitch: five appointments for me, four hours spent looking for a dress for her, and countless moments spent in the throes of… »8/07/15 3:30pm8/07/15 3:30pm

Wherein Picking a Wedding Caterer Becomes an Expensive Identity Crisis

Last week I officially passed the “one year left” mark on my wedding planning calendar. Between celebrating and freaking out, I realized I had to get to work on the Next Big Thing on my planning to-do list: Finding a caterer. My mother was insistent. My dad, resolute: “There has to be food!” »7/23/15 10:55am7/23/15 10:55am

I'm Learning What 'For Worse' Means Before We Even Get Married

When Joe and I adopted Cheddar, a scared, three-year-old blonde terrier mutt who looked like a small, fat, elderly lion, I was excited to have our first shared responsibility. It was a first step toward a long life of joining forces and making real, living things happier and healthier and stronger than they would… »7/17/15 10:10am7/17/15 10:10am

Five Godawful Wedding DIY Ideas From Pinterest

On a scale of one to ten—one being Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, who is literal royalty and has never touched a scissor, and ten being Martha Stewart’s youngest, thirstiest Craft Assistant, who probably got engaged at a goose farm last June and has an Exacto knife in place of one of her Jamberry nail wraps—I’d say… »7/08/15 2:00pm7/08/15 2:00pm

I've Got My Mind on My Money and My Wedding on My Mind

A good reason to not marry me is that I am not exactly a financial genius. While I’ve always been good at making my own money rather than asking for it (except for when I asked the federal government for $50,000 to go to college with and they were like, “Yes, def,”), paying bills the moment my paycheck dumps into my… »7/01/15 1:00pm7/01/15 1:00pm

Five Wedding Dresses I Want But Cannot Have

Before I met my fiancé, I believed that true love existed in clothes and not much else. A silk blouse that flowed softly like a nice dinner date, a floral sundress that swung at the hips like the prom dance I never had, a pair of tight little shorts that hugged my butt hot as sex—I hunted these things, but not love. »6/12/15 6:30pm6/12/15 6:30pm

The Knot's Interrogation of 'Real Brides' Is More Intense Than the SAT

Sure, you’re no fan of the wedding industrial complex and the nauseating pressure it creates, but oftentimes those weddings in magazines are so pretty. And wouldn’t it be flattering if The Knot thought your wedding was pretty, too, and wanted to feature it in their print magazine? Eh? Ehhhh? »6/02/15 12:00pm6/02/15 12:00pm

5 Insane Things From Martha Stewart Weddings Magazine, Spring 2015

If the wedding planning galaxy is a weirdo cosmic circus into which no woman is adequately prepared to be flung until it’s far too late, Martha Stewart Weddings magazine is that galaxy’s big fat Jupiter: Dazzling and marbled with soft, undulating peachy-pink colors on the outside; turbulent, full of hot air, and… »5/21/15 1:45pm5/21/15 1:45pm

Am I Self-Indulgent Enough to Consider Hiring a Wedding Planner?

The other day I saw a child pharaoh on the subway. When she entered the packed car at rush hour, a seat was magically cleared for her, and moments after her tiny body was placed into it by an attendant, a lollipop was unwrapped and stuck into her grasp. A heavily armed iPad with a video of animated penguins dancing… »5/13/15 5:45pm5/13/15 5:45pm