Are you tired of lousy weather reports delivered by cheesy so-called weathermen who promise sunny skies only to leave you stranded at the beach in a torrential downpour? Looking for a more reliable source for accurate weather predictions? Well, look no further than your favorite house cat. (I'll wait. He's probably…
If you're in the Southeast or the Northeast, things are a little crazy outside.
"First," says Lucas Heiberger, "you put three ice cubes in each toilet of your house." The New York City fifth grader was interviewed this morning for NBC News' storm coverage, during which he revealed his "formula" that he believes helps get school cancelled for a snow day.
As you probably know, this winter fucking sucks
According to freeloading rodents Punxsutawney Phil and Staten Island Chuck, America has six weeks of winter left. And honestly? I'm not sure we're going to make it. It's been so cold for so long that The Shining is starting to look like a documentary. Will this stupid frigid weather ever end?
Judging by Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, every news headline, and the feeling of morbid, animal fear I felt when I put my face close to the window, it's ball-shriveling, ovary-freezing, nose-blackeningly cold outside today. So how the fuck are you supposed to dress? Elaborately.
Good news, poors! Just in time for one of the worst winters ever, Congress decided to make your life even shittier!
Thanks to Canada failing to sufficiently warm up a big blanket of freezing air descending southward from the Arctic, for much of the lower 48 states, the next couple of days are going to be colder than Jack Frost's butt plug. Some of the forecasted wind chills are so cold they're almost unfathomable — unless you grew…
Debating whether to shove that danish in your mouth before braving the blizzard later this afternoon? Go for it. Because according to Popular Science (in a post illustrated by a picture of Santa), body fat tends to make you less vulnerable to hypothermia.
Ah, the weather. The topic of satisfyingly lukewarm conversations everywhere. While I do dislike excessive weather complaining (well, just any excessive complaining), it is always on everyone's minds and never offends anyone. What I hate, however, is smug WeatherBragging in response to any weather-related comment.…
[DALLAS, TX - DECEMBER 06: Icicles form on a barricade in front of the Dallas skyline on December 6, 2013 in Dallas, Texas. The ice storm that has hit North Texas has left over 250,000 residents and businesses without power and has led to more than 1,700 flight delays and cancellations across the country. (Photo by…
ALERT AL ROKER ALERT: the cutest fucking kittens you've ever seen are coming for your job.
One of the biggest storms in history slammed the Philippines, with wind speeds as fast as 190 mph, by some estimates. Officials with the Philippine Red Cross estimate as many as 1200 people are dead in the wake of Super Typhoon Haiyan, with thousands more left homeless.
A veteran, weather-beaten meteorologist in Los Angeles recently filed a discrimination lawsuit against KABC-TV, alleging he wasn’t even considered for the position of green-screen gesticulator because the station had already made up its mind to hire an attractive young woman with very little experience. Armed with the…
It's so hot on the East Coast right now that, last night, I had a dream I robbed a bank with the cast of Pretty Little Liars and was incarcerated in an oven as punishment. Amazingly, not everyone is sweltering right now/having sweat-induced dreams! We're doing this to ourselves!
Man, fuck this week. Is it Sunday yet? No? Fuck that.
I'm working from home today, which means I haven't actually stepped outside yet, so tell me: what the fuck is going on outside? It does not look good. Also, I think the wind is trying to tell me something. Can anyone translate "o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o"? Maybe it's "you're the biggest West Coast-raised wimp ever, suck…
If we weren't before, we should probably all be worrying about the ozone layer right about now: the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration reports that this past October was the fifth warmest ever, tied with the one in 2008. One repercussion of this unseasonably warm trend, says an analyst at Weather…
Apparently Hurricane Sandy can't be blamed on climate change or a loss of Arctic Ice or even the gays; according to one pro-Iran, anti-US group in Syria, the whole storm was brought to you by the weather-controlling (but curiously still non-nuclear weapon possessing!) Iranian regime.
Floridians and residents of the Gulf Coast are probably laughing at us like how I laugh at southern cities that completely shut down and declare states of emergency the second a snowflake touches the ground. Let's meet this natural disaster's Frankenstorm of jerks.
