Radio Station Begins Playing Christmas Music 24/7

Attention, attention, this is a War on Christmas special bulletin. Though it is fucking March and we should be turning our attention to sandals and sunglasses, there's a new radio station planning to play Christmas music YEAR-ROUND. » 3/05/15 5:30pm 3/05/15 5:30pm

Zombie Nativity Scene Has Gotta Go, Says Buzzkill Town

One Ohio man went to a bunch of trouble to ~disrupt~ all those tired nativity scene cliches, and his town has rewarded him with demands to take the whole thing down. » 12/23/14 4:40pm 12/23/14 4:40pm

Nothing Says Christmas Like a TGI Fridays Mistletoe Drone to the Face

NEWS FROM THE WINTERY FRONT: This year, TGI Fridays decided to get into the holiday spirit with an unusual gimmick and introduced mistletoe-laden drones at several branches. One has already flown straight into someone's face. In other words, CHRISTMAS STRIKES BACK. » 12/08/14 6:30pm 12/08/14 6:30pm

America's Little Girls Demand Frozen Dolls, the Hell With Barbie

This year, Barbie won't be the most popular holiday gift for the little girls of America. Nope, she's been shoved off the winner's podium by those spotlight-stealing bitches from Frozen. » 11/25/14 11:30am 11/25/14 11:30am

Town Demands Replacement for Its Sad-Sack Charlie Brown Christmas Tree

Like so many towns across America, Reading, Pennsylvania recently installed an official Christmas tree and lit it with great ceremony. Unfortunately, citizens say it is ass-ugly and they want another one, pronto. » 11/24/14 1:30pm 11/24/14 1:30pm

Grumpy Cat Christmas Movie Comes With Grumpy Cat Christmas Songs

Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever is coming, and there's nothing your or I or the Humane Society can do about it. With it comes an entire soundtrack of holiday songs, curated by Lifetime, available now from iTunes. God bless. » 11/21/14 12:50pm 11/21/14 12:50pm

Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas Is Another Reason to Kill Christmas

If Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas is Christianity's best hope for "saving" Christmas, Christmas is fucking toast. The dirty secularists have this thing in the bag. Na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye. » 11/18/14 12:15pm 11/18/14 12:15pm

Swarm of Evil Fish Injures 70 Swimmers in Christmas Day Foot Attack

A species of piranha known as Pygocentrus palometa (maybe—"validity questionable," says Wikipedia) is reportedly responsible for a number of injuries to swimmers in Argentina on Christmas day. The area was experiencing a holiday heat wave, so people headed to the beach to cool off...and promptly got their toes chomped… » 12/26/13 6:00pm 12/26/13 6:00pm

Black Santa Fought White Santa on the WWE and Won

I don't know whether this brings the pseudo-debate about whether Santa is white or black to a close, but last night on the WWE, a black Santa Claus ("Good Santa") fought a white Santa Claus ("Bad Santa") and the black Santa won. I dunno — considering how the WWE is about as legitimate as Fox News and their supposed… » 12/24/13 7:00pm 12/24/13 7:00pm

Jon Stewart Teaches Megyn Kelly a Thing or Two About Jokes

Maybe you're sick of reading about Fox News' Swarovski crystal anchorwoman Megyn Kelly and who can blame you. No one likes to see a network's singular reasonable seeming-pundit go full O'Reilly so quickly, but there you have it. This is just what Fox News does. » 12/17/13 12:30pm 12/17/13 12:30pm

Megyn Kelly Says White Santa Backlash Is Nothing But Race-Baiting

Remember last week when Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly insisted that Santa Claus was white? Well, it turns out that we should have been laughing this entire time because her comments were actually just a very well-constructed, not at all flawed and totally hilarious joke. Way to miss the punchline, IDIOTS. » 12/16/13 11:50am 12/16/13 11:50am

Jon Stewart's Megyn Kelly Takedown Is So, So Good

Fox News sure is determined to fight this War on Christmas, huh? Currently on the front lines, we have Gretchen Carlson who is just furious about a Festivus pole that's on display at the Florida State Capitol (as someone whose non-religious family never really celebrated Christmas when I was growing up, I am thrilled… » 12/13/13 11:30am 12/13/13 11:30am

Atheists Want to Abort Christ From Christmas, Says Kooky Alaskan Lady

At an appearance on Liberty University's campus yesterday, My BFF Sarah Palin proclaimed that Christmas is under attack by "angry atheists" who are "trying to abort Christ from Christmas." Tis the season for whackadoodlery. Fa LOL LOL LOL LOL. LOL LOL LOL LOL. » 12/06/13 4:30pm 12/06/13 4:30pm

Jon Stewart Goes After the 'War on Christmas' Bullshit

Strengthen your barricades, ration your goods, and enlist your sons and daughters because there's a war on! Not a real war, but a war on Christmas, you see! Still, it's just as important (no, it's not) and deserves to be taken just as seriously (no, it doesn't) as any real invasion. I mean, the "War on Christmas"… » 12/04/13 3:00pm 12/04/13 3:00pm

Sarah Palin Has Gone Batshit Insane Over the 'War on Christmas'

Sarah Palin, a human angry telephone call from an apoplectic aunt whose opinion you long ago stopped valuing, is BACK (I didn't realize that she'd gone away, otherwise I'd had spent more time cherishing my precious Palin-free days). The former Alaska governor and current Alaska embarrassment's recent media blitz has… » 11/11/13 2:00pm 11/11/13 2:00pm

Church Group Calls for Boycott of The Daily Show Over Hilarious Vagina…

The Catholic League has its rosary in a knot over a joke and graphic on The Daily Show they say objectifies women, marking the one billionth consecutive time The Catholic League has failed to see the irony in complaining about objectification of women when they can't see women as anything more than walking wombs. So… » 4/18/12 4:30pm 4/18/12 4:30pm

"The Biggest Test Yet Of The Obamas’ Entertaining Endurance And…

I wish I could work in a really cheesy line about how even Santa Claus will have to go through extra security this Christmas at the White House! The words, "making a guest list, checking it twice" would be involved: » 12/18/09 4:20pm 12/18/09 4:20pm