Gather Round, Soldiers in the War on Christmas, For Our Hour Is Nigh 

On Friday, October 30, I lurched into a Rite Aide looking for some orange streamers and fake spider webs to decorate my apartment appropriately for some Vincent Price viewing. What I found was appalling but not, I fear, surprising—the shelves short on spooky accessories, but already well-stocked with GODDAMN SANTAS. »11/03/15 5:10pm11/03/15 5:10pm

Swarm of Evil Fish Injures 70 Swimmers in Christmas Day Foot Attack

A species of piranha known as Pygocentrus palometa (maybe—"validity questionable," says Wikipedia) is reportedly responsible for a number of injuries to swimmers in Argentina on Christmas day. The area was experiencing a holiday heat wave, so people headed to the beach to cool off...and promptly got their toes chomped… »12/26/13 6:00pm12/26/13 6:00pm

Black Santa Fought White Santa on the WWE and Won

I don't know whether this brings the pseudo-debate about whether Santa is white or black to a close, but last night on the WWE, a black Santa Claus ("Good Santa") fought a white Santa Claus ("Bad Santa") and the black Santa won. I dunno — considering how the WWE is about as legitimate as Fox News and their supposed… »12/24/13 7:00pm12/24/13 7:00pm

Megyn Kelly Says White Santa Backlash Is Nothing But Race-Baiting

Remember last week when Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly insisted that Santa Claus was white? Well, it turns out that we should have been laughing this entire time because her comments were actually just a very well-constructed, not at all flawed and totally hilarious joke. Way to miss the punchline, IDIOTS. »12/16/13 11:50am12/16/13 11:50am

Jon Stewart's Megyn Kelly Takedown Is So, So Good

Fox News sure is determined to fight this War on Christmas, huh? Currently on the front lines, we have Gretchen Carlson who is just furious about a Festivus pole that's on display at the Florida State Capitol (as someone whose non-religious family never really celebrated Christmas when I was growing up, I am thrilled… »12/13/13 11:30am12/13/13 11:30am

Jon Stewart Goes After the 'War on Christmas' Bullshit

Strengthen your barricades, ration your goods, and enlist your sons and daughters because there's a war on! Not a real war, but a war on Christmas, you see! Still, it's just as important (no, it's not) and deserves to be taken just as seriously (no, it doesn't) as any real invasion. I mean, the "War on Christmas"… »12/04/13 3:00pm12/04/13 3:00pm

Sarah Palin Has Gone Batshit Insane Over the 'War on Christmas'

Sarah Palin, a human angry telephone call from an apoplectic aunt whose opinion you long ago stopped valuing, is BACK (I didn't realize that she'd gone away, otherwise I'd had spent more time cherishing my precious Palin-free days). The former Alaska governor and current Alaska embarrassment's recent media blitz has… »11/11/13 2:00pm11/11/13 2:00pm