We all know that at this point, the only reason we own books is to make sure guests know we own books. Or, in some cases, that we can read. If you're one of those pretentious d-bags who judges a date by the content of their bookshelves, come sit next to me and let's read in silence because we're kindred spirits.

I'm sure many have tried, but this is the only one to succeed in being crowned The Biggest Cream Puff by the Guinness Book of World Records.

The sandwich that is ready to meet all of your "emergency food storage needs" is finally here!