​I Pulled a Black Friday All-Nighter & Lived to Tell the Tale (Barely)

It's Thanksgiving evening, roughly 7:30 p.m. "Are you sure you don't want to bail?" my mother-in-law asks, with barely concealed concern, as we approach the exit for the Secaucus, New Jersey Walmart. I promise I'll text updates and swear that if something goes hideously awry and I'm marooned in a sea of big-box… » 12/03/14 2:10pm 12/03/14 2:10pm

Dude Arrested for Masturbating Inside a Walmart...Again

A 26-year-old Tulsa man was arrested this weekend after pulling out his penis in the middle of a Walmart and masturbating it "with a back and forth motion." The incident follows another arrest last November, when a different man was caught masturbating in a different Tulsa Walmart. I guess some people really LOVE A… » 6/19/14 12:20pm 6/19/14 12:20pm

Wal-Mart Launching a Cheap Organic Food Line to Destroy Whole Foods

In an effort to cash in on our nation's current hunger for "organic" foods, Wal-Mart is launching an extensive new line of organic products. The Wild Oats line (itself a former Whole Foods brand) will retail for about 25% less than equivalent products at more established organic grocery stores. » 4/10/14 3:45pm 4/10/14 3:45pm

Communities With More Walmart Stores Also Have More Crime

According to a new study, Walmart's vast expansion in the 1990s correlates directly with a decline in crime reduction. In other words, more Walmarts = more criming. It's not that simply gazing upon that fucking Rollback Smiley causes people to go out and STAB EVERYTHING—it's more that Walmart tends to open stores in… » 2/13/14 3:20pm 2/13/14 3:20pm

Owners, Managers Charged in Bangladesh Factory Fire

The factory fire at Tazreen Fashions Ltd. (a Walmart clothing supplier) that killed over 100 people last year was Bangladesh's worst garment factory fire ever. It led to increased scrutiny over the sourcing practices of some huge cheap clothes purveyors such as Walmart and H&M, and now, thanks to a long police… » 12/22/13 2:00pm 12/22/13 2:00pm