Jezebel 
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New York, 1:16 PM
Thu Nov 26
64 posts in the last 24 hours
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05/29/09
About my son, he's a good looking six foot guy with wispy blonde hair and a smile than can light up a room. With a little help picking out clothes and combing his hair, he can be quite handsome. He also has the intellectual capacity of a six year old and the emotional capacity of about a 12 year old. In many ways he is the classic example of a kid who falls between the cracks -- not normal enough for the normal kids, not impaired enough for much of the special ed group.
He's sweet, funny and can be painfully shy, but attractive women and girls have ALWAYS been able to get him to come out of his shell.
His Facebook page is is a veritable catalog of pictures of him with every cute to hot girl in school. We have never talked about what constitutes hot, and objectifying women is not on the agenda at home. But he rarely picks out a "plain Jane" and asks her to pose with him. So, those who say that the developmentally delayed are just as subject to societal influences and millenia of genetic programming, I would have to agree.
When he goes to dances, usually one girl just won't do. It's two or three at a time on the dance floor. No inhibitions, no awkwardness, no embarrassment, just having fun. Some of the girls are just being nice, I assume, others seem to genuinely enjoy dancing with him.
He is, however, MUCH more respectful toward girls than Otto, and his sexuality has not exploded like Otto's. (Let's face it, if Otto doesn't have Down's he's a sleazy lounge lizard.) If he get's a kiss on the cheek he talks about it for weeks. If he has fantasies like Ottos he's keeping them to himself. He is, however, increasingly interested in the love life of his hero, James Bond.
As for the idea of going out and getting a hooker to get him laid....sigh. I don't know. I'd rather he get in a relationship with a peer and go through the regular courting rituals -- whatever those are these days -- but frankly the opportunities are severely limited. It's all fine and good to dance with the sweet, odd kid, but relationships just aren't going to happen with "normal" girls, but those are the ones he's interested in. As for the "special needs" girls, not on his romantic radar right now, and there are lots of issues that crop up along that path, as well. For now, it's a recipe for a lonely life, and it makes me sad.
I want him to experience the joy of sex, but I guess I would much rather that it be part of a loving relationship. Somewhere out there is the girl for him, but I suspect it will be a long search.
So, back to the hooker idea - no, I don't think I would go that route. I fear that would "let the genie out of the bottle," so to speak, and set him on the slippery slope to becoming more like Otto than the sweet guy that the girls are happy to pose and dance with. So, for now, no. But I wouldn't say never, either.
Wow, I surely did ramble.
05/29/09
05/28/09
"it's impossible not to hope that this man is able to lead a "normal," healthy life… And that includes sexual activity."
I'm not sure that what he's doing is "normal" (or healthy)... at least not anywhere outside of Vegas. And I certainly don't "hope" that he or any other man is able to enjoy this sort of thing... even though I know they do. I'm all for him having sex, sure. But why does it have to be like this, and why does no one correct him for being so insanely creepy?
05/28/09
05/28/09
That is just sad that there are young women out there with DS who are not allowed a healthy sex life by the people who are allowed to make decisions for them. There is such a thing as birth control if they are worried their charges might get pregnant.
Just because someone has DS does not mean they do not develop the same wants and needs as all humans do.
His comments are disturbing, but that seems to be because he does not have the self-control most of us develop to not just say whatever pops into our head.
05/28/09
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05/28/09
I do believe that Otto should have more education about sex - if he hasn't already.
However - he IS 21 with slightly diminished capacity and not your average 21-year-old guy. The vast majority of 21-year-olds don't have their shit together in the "How I should view women vs. How society says I can view women" department...especially when in Sin City.
But there seems to be a slight bit of double standard going on here. I've seen lots of Jezebels (including editors) comment on hooking up with guys (hot or not) and not really caring about the PERSON - cuz it's a hookup. That's exactly what this guy is doing - having a hookup. (If he did, indeed, do the deed.)
But in the end, I do hope that Bill schools Otto on the proper way to treat a lady - not the Sin City way. He's clearly not a stupid fellow.
05/28/09
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05/28/09
I mean, my brother has no learning disabilities but still says crap like this sometimes.
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While it is common, it isn't the healthiest thing for developing real relationships, or garnering respect from others (as noted above); I would argue that he's being instilled with a view of sexuality that is not "normal."
05/28/09
05/28/09
"Bill is by no means the only target of Otto's Tourettic play-by-play. Somewhere near the border between Arizona and Nevada we pull into a roadside diner called Rosie's. Within seconds of securing a stool at the counter, Otto has taken a fancy to a redhead who's dashing here and there in the kitchen.
"Hottie, hottie! I'm gonna pay her to strip!" Otto says, well within hearing range of everyone in the greasy spoon. He wolf-whistles. He actually howls. "Aaaaaoooooowww!"
"You understand that not everyone's there for you to shout comments at," Bill says."
05/28/09
05/28/09
But does that have to begin with his mother trying to help him get laid?
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Think about it, if this were coming from someone who didn't have any kind of mental disability, it'd be like...you're calling women MEAT? You're telling women to strip! DOUCHE.
05/28/09
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05/28/09
First, "retarded" is a very offesive term to people with disabilties and their families. I'm sure you didn't mean it, but use the word disabled or challenged.
Second,, claiming he be taught not to objectify women and blaming his mother for his behavior is inappropriate.
The extent of his Down syndrome is not explained, but people with this condition and other neurological disabilities have varying degrees of difficulty learning "appropriate" behavior, recognizing needs/feelings of others, etc.
In fact, hyper-sexualization and inappropriate sexual behavior is quite common in young men with cogniitive disabilities. And it's hard for their caregivers to handle. I've seen very sweet young men with Down's become totally preoccupied with sex to the point of being aggressive during the years their hormones tend to rage (typically years 15-30). I've also seen men with brain injuries exhibit these tendencies who had "normal" views on sex and relationship with women prior to injury.
And I'm not saying this article doesn't rub me wrong also. If anything, I think the magazine is exploiting him by printing this stuff. This poor boy doesn't have the judgement to make decisions about revealing such personal information, because he seems to have no insight into how others perceive him.
I'm just saying this is a tricky situtation adn it's wrong to blame this kid for his behavior, or the parents. It's probably just a side effect of his condition, and the school of thought varies on how to handle such young men (i.e. allow them to express this behavior, or constantly reprimand them for it).
05/28/09
Also, while you seem to have far more experience than I, I refuse to think that his guardians and peer group have no impact on his behavior whatsoever.
05/28/09
Also, I'm not saying that this young man is going to pick up on social appropriateness, etc. the same as someone without his disability, however, I dislike the idea (not saying you're promoting it, but other people do) that he has NO control over a) his behavior b) his understanding of the world. My cousin, who's IQ is probably around 40 or so, is currently going through puberty. Of COURSE inappropriate things are said/have been said/will be said, that doesn't mean that behavior isn't addressed or that his dads don't keep reminding (not reprimanding, but reminding) him of what is okay in public and not.
So my point is this kid's behavior could probably be improved and his understanding could almost certainly be improved.
We're absolutely on the same page as to this being exploitative, though.
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Squicky.