Jezebel 
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New York, 10:25 AM
Sat Nov 21
67 posts in the last 24 hours
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10/14/09
10/13/09
How do you deal with it if the bully is your boss? Ultimately I left, but I wonder if there is anyway to handle it and improve the situation in case next time I have a boss like that I actually enjoy the work I'm doing. She was passive aggressive, took credit for my work and gave me all the blame for anything that went wrong even when she had signed off on it. She was also inappropriately friendly and controlling over one of my co-workers, basically making her job dependent on going to events with her outside working hours, inviting herself to this girl's apartment to use her cable, and having her perform tasks outside her job description. Neither of us were ever able to stand up to her and we both quit.
10/13/09
I'm worried that some parents read this and get terrified that their girls will automatically have a horrible time, but that's really not true. It happens some places, but definitely not everywhere.
10/13/09
10/13/09
How does one deal with bullies in the workplace when they are no longer specifically targeting you?
I went to college with a girl who is now in a supervisory role where I work, though not my direct supervisor. During our first year at school, she was part of a group who harassed me regularly and heavily, including death threat phone calls and whiteboard messages calling for violence against me. I haven't exactly forgiven or forgotten, because they were adults and should have known better.
At work, now, she acts like we're the best of friends because we knew eachother in college. I find this very uncomfortable. She also bullied my best friend, who is trans and not out, when he worked there, trying to out him to coworkers (he transitioned in college, so she knew him briefly before). She is no longer specifically targeting me, but a coworker. I've tried to offer what comfort I can ("She's just like this, and always has been."), but it's not much.
10/13/09
10/13/09
I read the original Queen Bees and Wannabees, and while it was interesting, I had a hard time trying to apply it to the teenagers I know.
Do you have any demographic/regional/racial data for the girls you spoke with? I would be interested to see where these trends were occurring.
In addition, I would love a clarification on the term "hip-hop outfits." In my work, I tend to notice that people use the term "hip-hop" when they mean urban or black (or occasionally Latino), and most people use this term incorrectly. Are you talking about what students wear if they identify with hip-hop culture, or are you talking about imitating styles normally seen in popular music videos?
10/13/09
I went to a performance of a friend's daughter for her hip-hop dance class & was surprised to see girls in soffee shorts rolled up to their butts & wearing fishnets
10/13/09
Not necessarily 'mean girls" but moreso I have my clique of friends and noone else is allowed to join in.
And in terms of bullying or mean girl behavior, i mean stuff like gossiping about others, freezing someone out of your clique if you have a fight.I feel most people experience both sides of the fence. Doing it to someone, having someone do it to you.
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10/13/09
Was yours named Eugene?
10/13/09
10/13/09
The social structure described in the book just did not exist in my life. Maybe a bit in elementary school, but hardly even then
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10/13/09
Now I think it's fuckin hilarious. Out of pain come laughter, I guess.
10/13/09
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10/13/09
I kind of had to realize that I really have to stop giving a shit about what certain people who need to grow up think and just live my life and ignore them. That's really hard to do in middle school & high school though, where it feels like it is (and occasionally truly is) coming from everywhere and everyone.
10/13/09
You are wise and wonderful to figure this out now, how much it can feel like it matters, and how little it really does.
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10/13/09
The queen bees of my school have led fairly conventional lives- married somewhat early, had children, and followed expected paths. Their queen-bee-ness did not translate into any real-world leadership.
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10/13/09
ETA: but then again I had my own personal issues in high school and I think that those made me sort of oblivious to a lot of the typical mean girl b.s. I just didn't give a fuck.