Republican Governors Bravely Fight Anti- Prison Rape Laws

The Prison Rape Elimination Act has a pretty self-evident mission, and yet, somehow, there are still people who manage to be against it. PREA, first passed in 2003 and finalized in 2012, establishes basic standards to keep American prisoners from being assaulted by other inmates or (more commonly) guards. Yet a… » 3/26/15 2:15pm 3/26/15 2:15pm

DEA Fears Bunnies May Get High as Balls off Medical Marijuana in Utah

The Utah State Senate is considering a bill that would make it legal for people with "chronic and debilitating diseases" to consume edible medical marijuana. But no one has paused to consider the effect that will have on the woodland creatures of Utah; a special agent with the Drug Enforcement Administration warned… » 3/02/15 6:30pm 3/02/15 6:30pm

Utah Politician Not Sure It's Rape When She's Your Unconscious Wife

Utah State Representative Brian Greene is totally against rape, of course. Who wouldn't be? Rape bad. But, you know, he wonders, totally earnestly, is it really rape if you have sex with someone while she's unconscious? What if she's your wife? What if you're pretty sure she'd be totally into it? Shouldn't there be an… » 2/04/15 10:50am 2/04/15 10:50am

The GOP Elected Its Black Friends to the House and Senate

On Tuesday night, two black Republicans were voted into Senate and House. While I applaud Tim Scott and Mia Love, respectively, as pioneering African Americans, I am nervous about whatever right-wing political madness they are most likely plotting. As Zora Neale Hurston once said, "All my skinfolk ain't kinfolk." » 11/05/14 11:30am 11/05/14 11:30am

Reporter Kicked Out of Utah Courtroom For Her Slutty Bare Shoulders

Summer is a dangerous time. Murder spikes in America's cities, treacherous heat waves threaten the health of the elderly and underserved, and, most menacingly of all, women in sleeveless tops attempt, like slatterns, to enter Utah courtrooms as though their bare arms don't inspire violent lustful fantasies in all who… » 6/09/14 2:20pm 6/09/14 2:20pm

WTF: Utah Elementary School Seizes Lunches from Indebted Kids

Today in What the Ever Loving Fuck: School officials at Uintah Elementary in Salt Lake City, Utah seized upwards of 40 students' cafeteria-issued lunches and threw them in the trash this Tuesday — all because the kids had unpaid balances on their lunch accounts. Yes, they punished children too young to have any real… » 1/30/14 12:00pm 1/30/14 12:00pm

Conservatives STILL Trying to Fight Same-Sex Marriage in Utah

On Monday, a District Judge ruled that Utah's ban against same sex marriage is invalid, despite state lawyers filing for a stay over the weekend. This decision means Utah remains the 18th state where gay couples can marry, along with the District of Columbia. However local conservatives won't let the constitution stop… » 12/24/13 10:40am 12/24/13 10:40am

Gay Man Giddily Livetweets One Of Utah's First Same Sex Weddings Ever

A US District Judge struck down Utah's same sex marriage ban today, opening the floodgates for same sex marriages to occur in the state. Thanks to social media, one of the first gay men to marry in the state is able to excitedly livetweet his entire courthouse nuptials. And it's pretty sweet. » 12/20/13 5:35pm 12/20/13 5:35pm

Utah Man 'Sick' of Depraved American Women Finds Foreign Bride Online

One Utah man has bravely gone where no man has gone before: online, in search of a foreign bride who looks like a model but has the values of his grandmother. These matrimony-worthy prizes do not exist in the den of iniquity that is the United States, so he found her in Ukraine, and is now, happily, the King of… » 9/30/13 10:30am 9/30/13 10:30am