The GOP Elected Its Black Friends to the House and Senate

On Tuesday night, two black Republicans were voted into Senate and House. While I applaud Tim Scott and Mia Love, respectively, as pioneering African Americans, I am nervous about whatever right-wing political madness they are most likely plotting. As Zora Neale Hurston once said, "All my skinfolk ain't kinfolk." » 11/05/14 11:30am 11/05/14 11:30am

Reporter Kicked Out of Utah Courtroom For Her Slutty Bare Shoulders

Summer is a dangerous time. Murder spikes in America's cities, treacherous heat waves threaten the health of the elderly and underserved, and, most menacingly of all, women in sleeveless tops attempt, like slatterns, to enter Utah courtrooms as though their bare arms don't inspire violent lustful fantasies in all who… » 6/09/14 2:20pm 6/09/14 2:20pm

WTF: Utah Elementary School Seizes Lunches from Indebted Kids

Today in What the Ever Loving Fuck: School officials at Uintah Elementary in Salt Lake City, Utah seized upwards of 40 students' cafeteria-issued lunches and threw them in the trash this Tuesday — all because the kids had unpaid balances on their lunch accounts. Yes, they punished children too young to have any real… » 1/30/14 12:00pm 1/30/14 12:00pm

Conservatives STILL Trying to Fight Same-Sex Marriage in Utah

On Monday, a District Judge ruled that Utah's ban against same sex marriage is invalid, despite state lawyers filing for a stay over the weekend. This decision means Utah remains the 18th state where gay couples can marry, along with the District of Columbia. However local conservatives won't let the constitution stop… » 12/24/13 10:40am 12/24/13 10:40am

Gay Man Giddily Livetweets One Of Utah's First Same Sex Weddings Ever

A US District Judge struck down Utah's same sex marriage ban today, opening the floodgates for same sex marriages to occur in the state. Thanks to social media, one of the first gay men to marry in the state is able to excitedly livetweet his entire courthouse nuptials. And it's pretty sweet. » 12/20/13 5:35pm 12/20/13 5:35pm

Utah Man 'Sick' of Depraved American Women Finds Foreign Bride Online

One Utah man has bravely gone where no man has gone before: online, in search of a foreign bride who looks like a model but has the values of his grandmother. These matrimony-worthy prizes do not exist in the den of iniquity that is the United States, so he found her in Ukraine, and is now, happily, the King of… » 9/30/13 10:30am 9/30/13 10:30am

School Completely Overreacts, Removes Teen for Dyeing Her Hair a Lovely…

In the most foolheaded story of the year, a 15-year-old girl in Hurricane, UT is banned from school until she dyes her hair back to a "natural" color. Yes, this is something that is happening in the year 2013 because the robots won and the matrix is real. Honestly, if middle school girls can't dye their hair, we… » 2/11/13 11:00am 2/11/13 11:00am

Utah State Senator’s Adultery Scenario Features Jobless Wife and…

A new divorce bill proposing that spouses who cheat should pay more in alimony was struck down during a committee meeting at Utah's State Capitol this week, but not before State Sen. Lyle Hillyard (R., because of course he is) managed to remove one of his shoes, unroll his dress sock, and insert his entire stinky foot… » 2/03/13 4:00pm 2/03/13 4:00pm

Prominent Republican Fundraiser Allegedly Also Quite Gifted at Rape

Utah Tea Party activist and prominent fund raiser Greg Peterson owns a beautiful 5 bedroom, 5 bathroom 3,000 square foot cabin in the ruggedly gorgeous area outside of Salt Lake City. Over the years, with the help of his fancy cabin, Peterson has proven himself an adept host — entertaining and gladhanding with the… » 7/19/12 6:30pm 7/19/12 6:30pm