Unemployed Women Take Care of People While Unemployed Dudes Watch TV

If you've ever lived with a dude, you know that men and women, despite political correctness, often live differently. Well now, a survey accounting for every minute of every day of unemployed men and women proved what you knew already—women are spending the time they're not at a job taking care of people … while dudes… » 1/07/15 5:00pm 1/07/15 5:00pm

How to Find and Keep an Unemployed Boyfriend

Not to brag, but I've spent years of my life with various Unemployed Boyfriends. None of them were lazy (well one of them was lazy); they'd just been dealt a shitty hand or were trying to make it in an industry that just wasn't that into them. The good news is that, as far as I'm (intermittent Facebook stalk) aware,… » 10/21/13 11:30am 10/21/13 11:30am

Labor Day Is a Scam To Keep You Poor and Miserable Forever

Labor Day is a complete rip-off. Labor isn't celebrated at all—instead, a single day's break from labor is celebrated. You might think this is a stupid thing to care about, because Labor Day is really just about getting drunk in your yard, again. But that's actually evidence of this very successful con job pulled on… » 9/02/13 1:35pm 9/02/13 1:35pm

Alice Cooper's Advice for How to Get a Job: Just Get a Really Good Job, or Be Alice Cooper

As the world's foremost expert on school being out, Alice Cooper took it upon himself to shepherd this year's graduates toward success with the WEIRDEST OP-ED EVER. Titled "A Rock Star's Guide to Coping After Not Getting Your Grades at School" (catchy!), the "advice" is like 75% Alice Cooper talking about how awesome… » 8/17/12 6:00pm 8/17/12 6:00pm

Cold-Hearted Ladies Refuse to Date Unemployed Men

Our economy has been in—or hovering just above—the toilet for some time now, and both presidential candidates have talked about unemployment until they're blue in the face. But it appears Americans have been missing the real problem with people not having jobs: it's not that they can't pay their bills, it's that they… » 6/27/12 11:30am 6/27/12 11:30am

Wow, It's an Incredibly Depressing Time to Be a Recent College Graduate

Graduating from college is supposed to be a time of great hope. You're supposed to take all of the clichéd lessons from your commencement speaker and go forth into the world to make a difference. Your future is just beginning, the world is your oyster, etc. Except that in order to make a difference, or more… » 5/10/12 5:30pm 5/10/12 5:30pm

Domestic Violence Worsens as Bad Economy Lingers

As our country's economy continues to sputter and unemployment remains high, there are a lot of truly shitty consequences. One of them is that police are finding that they're dealing with more and more cases of domestic violence. A survey of law enforcement agencies across the country polled 700 agencies, and 56… » 4/30/12 9:30am 4/30/12 9:30am

Everyone Waiting Until The Economy Isn't Crappy to Get Divorced and Have Babies

Over the last 4 years or so, a backlog of angry, resentful couples too poor to divorce has been building. Meanwhile, scores of fertile but financially hesitant women have been revving their ovaries, waiting until the economic picture rights itself before introducing an expensive baby into the family. As soon as this… » 1/27/12 6:50pm 1/27/12 6:50pm

Job Prospects For Women Improve From 'Shit' to 'Crap'

On the heels of the "man-cession" is the "he-covery," two neologisms similar in that they both pertain to men's economic prospects during the last few years and they're both irritating as hell. Despite the fact that for every three new jobs in 2011, two went to men, it now looks like women and men are back to being… » 1/10/12 1:35pm 1/10/12 1:35pm

Paris is One Of the World's Worst Places to Shop

In news that will surprise absolutely nobody who has ever tried to buy anything anywhere in Paris, a survey of shoppers found that the Champs-Elysées rates 22nd out of 30 great world shopping streets for customer service. Many people reported that sales assistants at the luxury stores that line the boulevard showed… » 1/06/12 12:45pm 1/06/12 12:45pm

Why Women Bore the Brunt of the Great 'He-cession'

Since the collapse of the domestic housing market in 2007 and the ensuing global financial swoon, much has been made of the Great Recession's effect on men. More men lost their jobs than women, and just two years ago, more men were unemployed than women. Because of this, the Department of Horrible Neologisms has… » 10/24/11 3:45pm 10/24/11 3:45pm

To Achieve Your Dreams, Lower Your Expectations

Remember those dumb dreams you used to have? Owning a house? Driving a car? Having a nice, tasteful, not over-the-top Not being more than 50K in debt from undergrad? In these times of economic turmoil, The Youths are learning that the only way to achieve their dreams is to change them to something less dreamy.… » 8/14/11 4:59pm 8/14/11 4:59pm