Unemployed Women Take Care of People While Unemployed Dudes Watch TV

If you've ever lived with a dude, you know that men and women, despite political correctness, often live differently. Well now, a survey accounting for every minute of every day of unemployed men and women proved what you knew already—women are spending the time they're not at a job taking care of people … while dudes… »1/07/15 5:00pm1/07/15 5:00pm

How to Find and Keep an Unemployed Boyfriend

Not to brag, but I've spent years of my life with various Unemployed Boyfriends. None of them were lazy (well one of them was lazy); they'd just been dealt a shitty hand or were trying to make it in an industry that just wasn't that into them. The good news is that, as far as I'm (intermittent Facebook stalk) aware,… »10/21/13 11:30am10/21/13 11:30am

Labor Day Is a Scam To Keep You Poor and Miserable Forever

Labor Day is a complete rip-off. Labor isn't celebrated at all—instead, a single day's break from labor is celebrated. You might think this is a stupid thing to care about, because Labor Day is really just about getting drunk in your yard, again. But that's actually evidence of this very successful con job pulled on… »9/02/13 1:35pm9/02/13 1:35pm

Alice Cooper's Advice for How to Get a Job: Just Get a Really Good Job, or Be Alice Cooper

As the world's foremost expert on school being out, Alice Cooper took it upon himself to shepherd this year's graduates toward success with the WEIRDEST OP-ED EVER. Titled "A Rock Star's Guide to Coping After Not Getting Your Grades at School" (catchy!), the "advice" is like 75% Alice Cooper talking about how awesome… »8/17/12 6:00pm8/17/12 6:00pm

Cold-Hearted Ladies Refuse to Date Unemployed Men

Our economy has been in—or hovering just above—the toilet for some time now, and both presidential candidates have talked about unemployment until they're blue in the face. But it appears Americans have been missing the real problem with people not having jobs: it's not that they can't pay their bills, it's that they… »6/27/12 11:30am6/27/12 11:30am

Wow, It's an Incredibly Depressing Time to Be a Recent College Graduate

Graduating from college is supposed to be a time of great hope. You're supposed to take all of the clichéd lessons from your commencement speaker and go forth into the world to make a difference. Your future is just beginning, the world is your oyster, etc. Except that in order to make a difference, or more… »5/10/12 5:30pm5/10/12 5:30pm

Everyone Waiting Until The Economy Isn't Crappy to Get Divorced and Have Babies

Over the last 4 years or so, a backlog of angry, resentful couples too poor to divorce has been building. Meanwhile, scores of fertile but financially hesitant women have been revving their ovaries, waiting until the economic picture rights itself before introducing an expensive baby into the family. As soon as this… »1/27/12 6:50pm1/27/12 6:50pm

Job Prospects For Women Improve From 'Shit' to 'Crap'

On the heels of the "man-cession" is the "he-covery," two neologisms similar in that they both pertain to men's economic prospects during the last few years and they're both irritating as hell. Despite the fact that for every three new jobs in 2011, two went to men, it now looks like women and men are back to being… »1/10/12 1:35pm1/10/12 1:35pm