Drunk Children Love Watery Beer and Candy-Flavored Liquor

So, everyone knows that kids start guzzling whatever intoxicants they can get their hands on as soon as they're old enough to process angst. It's a confusing time—friendship bracelets one day, recreational cough syrup the next. If you could ferment teal embroidery thread into some sort of syrupy beverage, that would…
Mom Goes Out Drinking with Her Four-Year-Old Son, Is Promptly Arrested
A woman in South Carolina is simultaneously facing child negligence charges and has become a darkhorse candidate for more permissive mother in America for allegedly giving beer to her four-year-old son at an Irish pub just outside of Charlotte, North Carolina, which coincidentally will host the Democratic National…
Binge-Drinking Teens At Risk For Osteoporosis
Researchers are warning that teens who binge drink may be at risk for future osteoporosis and bone fractures after finding alcohol disrupts bone formation genes in rats. Sadly, the little hooligans will probably be unmoved by Sally Fields' warnings.
Underage Willow Palin Reportedly Caught Partying • Men Prefer Scent Of A Woman Who's Ovulating
• Fifteen-year-old Willow is the latest Palin kid to wind up in trouble. The National Enquirer claims that "Willow has been running with the wrong crowd…regularly involved in underage drinking and smoking dope." •
Like Putting Make-Up On A Pig
- Despite a little wave in the direction of potential independent women voters earlier this year, anti-abortion Republicans feel much better today that McCain is fooling independents and not them about his position on abortion. Of course, he also talked about how he wouldn't have nominated the 4 liberal justices on the…
Christina Aguilera To Bring "Dirrty", "Beautiful" Babe Into The World
- Christina Aguilera is in the family way! Just like with a genie in a bottle, her husband rubbed her the right way. The baby-making way. [E!]
- Isaiah Washington's verbal diarrhea of the day: He now says Patrick Dempsey is to blame for his spewing of hate speech. [ABC News]
- R.I.P Beverly Sills. And big thanks to our Intro…
