Sheesh, There's a Reason Women Are 'Totally Crushing It' at the Confessional Essay
It’s not a good reason, either!
My Least Favorite A Cappella Group Covered My Favorite A Cappella Song & I'm So Mad
Despite what our resident a cappella expert Ellie Shechet will have you believe, I am not a unilateral hater of a cappellas—only the corny ones. A song I listen to at least three to eight times a year, for instance, is the a cappella version of Monica’s “Sideline Ho,” which uses gospel harmonies to elevate a seething…
JebBush.Com Redirects to Donald Trump's Website, Which Seems About Right
We were just getting over the saddest sight of all time, Jeb Bush trying to chest-bump someone, and the second saddest sight, his facial expression immediately after promising to “whup” Hillary Clinton. And now this: JebBush.com currently redirects to DonaldJTrump.com.
People Are Pissed at Cosmopolitan for Calling the Kardashians 'America's First Family'
Ok, so. Out of all the myriad worldwide injustices readily available for consumption via the reading device of your choosing, we have elected to be outraged about a trolly editorial decision made by Cosmopolitan magazine. The print edition.
What the Heck Is Going on With Instagram and Soundcloud Right Now?
Some questions: Why does SoundCloud, sweet cloudpunk tweenrave trap-remix oasis, have ads all up in my ear now? Why does Instagram have a “@music” channel and a @music editor and a plan to roll out @music longform Instagrams and a goddamn Monthly Hashtag Project? This is going to be an anti-explainer, because there is…
Ugh to This LOFT Ad About Frantically Binge-Exercising in Saran Wrap
Yeah, yeah, we all had a lot of cookies this past month and now maybe your clothes don't fit right. Or maybe they do. Or maybe you don't give a fuck? Whatever the case, January is always a big month for "Feel bad about yourself you ugly cow"-style advertising. Clothing retailer LOFT just added another one on the pile,…
Jet Blue Apologizes After Refusing to Let Toddler Use Restroom
Not a great week for 3-year-olds.
Joe The Plumber to UCSB Parents: Dead Kids Don’t Trump Gun Rights
Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, better known as Joe the Plumber, has some choice words for those parents who lost their children at the hands of the UCSB gunman.
Tennessee's 'Religious Viewpoints' Bill is a License to Bully
Tennessee joins Oklahoma in passing a new piece of legislation which will basically allow the bullying of students by other students based on religious grounds. Texas, yeehaw, already has such a law.
'World's Toughest Job' Viral Video Is Obvious, Manipulative and Stupid
At this point, if anyone on the internet tells me that a video is going to "blow my mind," or that I need to "wait for it," or that I should prepare to "change the way I think," I immediately want to run an ultra-marathon down an abandoned mine shaft and into the earth's molten core. I despise a "big reveal." How dare…
Breaking: Annoying Rich People Feel "Deep Affinity" for Africa
The New York Times ran a fairly exasperating piece about Matthew Mellon and Nicole Hanley Mellon's lifestyle-infused clothing line. (If you don't know these people, don't even worry about it—I'm not even sure if working class are supposed to know about these things.) Anyway this gruesome twosome plan to make their…
Girl Eats Her Own Body Weight in Ketchup EVERY Year
We all have weird food habits. I know one girl who eats french fries with a fork and salad with her hands. I know another who eats hummus with a spoon when she doesn't gave pita bread or baby carrots and another still whose favorite snack is apple slices layered with cheddar cheese. (PSYCH, ALL OF THESE GIRLS ARE ME.)…
College Gals Should Make Husband-Hunting Their Major, Says Idiot
I don't know about you, but I get ALL my relationship advice from the Wall Street Journal. So boy was I jazzed about today's Valentine's Day op-ed, titled, "A Little Valentine's Day Straight Talk"! Finally, somebody's going to give it to me straight!
World's Worst Parents Dina and Michael Lohan Take Their Feud to TV
Did you for one second think that we didn't live in a bizarro circus world where the less-famous parents of very famous people go on television to accuse each other of exhibiting violent behavior and being addicted to cocaine? Well, that's your mistake because as it turns out, that is the exact bizarro circus world…
Serena Williams Thinks the Steubenville Rape Victim Was Asking For It
Because you were waiting with bated breath for Serena Williams' thoughts on the Steubenville rape case: she thinks the 16-year-old who was raped by two high school football players who "did something stupid" shouldn't have gotten so drunk. She's also concerned about the girl's virginity.
Absent Fathers Create Slutty Thoughts, Says Idiotic Study
In a psychological study commissioned by Marissa Cooper and the ghost of Sylvia Plath, researchers at Texas Christian University have found that dwelling on reminders of daddy's psychological or physical absence makes women more likely to have depraved harlot thoughts.
Meet Manterest, the Pinterest For Dudes
"Finally, There's a Pinterest For Guys," said some sad soul in www.reddit.com/r/MensRights, probably.
Dude Spends a Bunch of Time and Money Making a Music Video About How He Can't Get Laid
If you're having trouble with the ladies, one great thing to do is to produce a gigantic musical whine-a-thon with high production values, thoughtful staging, and mildly amusing stunt casting, and then wait for it to go viral. Then all the women on earth will know that you're the kind of stand-up gentleman who…
What Happens When a Town Has Lots of Single Men and Not Many Women? Bad Things.
Shale oil formations in the pastures of North Dakota have been reining in men across the country with labor-intensive work and high paying salaries (some men make up to six figures), but the promise of work has had an interesting and unique side effect on the small, remote oil towns. Basically, there are too many men,…
Do You Like Video Games? Well Then You'll LOVE Masturbating to This Sexy Dismembered Lady Torso!
God, you know what I hate about intact, living female bodies? YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP. It's like, can't you bitches see I'm trying to play my open-world action role-playing game right now!!?!?!?? Amirite, dudes? Seriously. But then—conundrum!—the thing about female bodies is that female bodies is where they keep…
