At this point, if anyone on the internet tells me that a video is going to "blow my mind," or that I need to "wait for it," or that I should prepare to "change the way I think," I immediately want to run an ultra-marathon down an abandoned mine shaft and into the earth's molten core. I despise a "big reveal." How dare a…
The New York Times ran a fairly exasperating piece about Matthew Mellon and Nicole Hanley Mellon's lifestyle-infused clothing line. (If you don't know these people, don't even worry about it—I'm not even sure if working class are supposed to know about these things.) Anyway this gruesome twosome plan to make their…
We all have weird food habits. I know one girl who eats french fries with a fork and salad with her hands. I know another who eats hummus with a spoon when she doesn't gave pita bread or baby carrots and another still whose favorite snack is apple slices layered with cheddar cheese. (PSYCH, ALL OF THESE GIRLS ARE ME.)…
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I don't know about you, but I get ALL my relationship advice from the Wall Street Journal. So boy was I jazzed about today's Valentine's Day op-ed, titled, "A Little Valentine's Day Straight Talk"! Finally, somebody's going to give it to me straight!
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Did you for one second think that we didn't live in a bizarro circus world where the less-famous parents of very famous people go on television to accuse each other of exhibiting violent behavior and being addicted to cocaine? Well, that's your mistake because as it turns out, that is the exact bizarro circus world…
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No matter how far technology might advance, there's always been one little area that the reigning powers-that-be have never quite managed to figure out. Or more specifically, an area they've never quite figured out how to talk to. Tech companies, meet women. And then stop treating them like idiots.
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Because you were waiting with bated breath for Serena Williams' thoughts on the Steubenville rape case: she thinks the 16-year-old who was raped by two high school football players who "did something stupid" shouldn't have gotten so drunk. She's also concerned about the girl's virginity.
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In a psychological study commissioned by Marissa Cooper and the ghost of Sylvia Plath, researchers at Texas Christian University have found that dwelling on reminders of daddy's psychological or physical absence makes women more likely to have depraved harlot thoughts.
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"Finally, There's a Pinterest For Guys," said some sad soul in www.reddit.com/r/MensRights, probably.
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If you're having trouble with the ladies, one great thing to do is to produce a gigantic musical whine-a-thon with high production values, thoughtful staging, and mildly amusing stunt casting, and then wait for it to go viral. Then all the women on earth will know that you're the kind of stand-up gentleman who thinks…
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Shale oil formations in the pastures of North Dakota have been reining in men across the country with labor-intensive work and high paying salaries (some men make up to six figures), but the promise of work has had an interesting and unique side effect on the small, remote oil towns. Basically, there are too many men,…
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God, you know what I hate about intact, living female bodies? YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP. It's like, can't you bitches see I'm trying to play my open-world action role-playing game right now!!?!?!?? Amirite, dudes? Seriously. But then—conundrum!—the thing about female bodies is that female bodies is where they keep…
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There's no story recycled by mainstream rom-coms and commercial literature more frequently than that of the uppity, cerebral woman being put in her place (and happily!) by a dude who can't spell. Case in point: The Ugly Truth was on about three times in a row last night! Thank you, but I would rather drink battery…
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While you were sleeping (shortly before 2 A.M. in the morning!), the lame-duck legislators in Michigan's House of Representatives passed HB 5711 by a 72-35 vote. HB 5711 is also known as:
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The Michigan Senate just voted to pass HB 5711 — one of the country's most extreme and wide-reaching anti-choice measures, which is really saying a lot — by a 27-10 vote, with immediate effect. They added some revisions, which means the bill has to return to the House (which will probably approve it quicker than you…
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Sure, why not? When you're an avid supporter of legislation that drives women to perform violent surgery on their own uteruses using wire coat hangers, what better place to spread your scribbly-crayon-font message of love than on those very same coat hangers? Killer plan. Know your audience, guys!
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This is Fuck You Week, Jezebel's first annual week of desperate emotional cleansing and unhinged psychic purging.
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We all know you're not supposed to shoplift, and even so, it's probably something most people have done at some point in our lives. Whether it's slyly slipping an Urban Outfitter's bespeckled owl necklace into your purse or stealing formula to feed your baby, I'm not here to argue the moral ambiguities of the…
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At first, Facebook was irrelevant. I didn't get it. Why did I need Facebook when I could post all the Blingees I wanted on my friends' MySpace walls? This shit is obviously dumb. But then, somehow, seemingly overnight, Facebook became ubiquitous. Lively. MySpace was static, stagnant garbage. Facebook was fun and…
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You guys. I am so, so sorry in advance about the information I am about to present to you. But, I mean, do you expect me to just process it alone? All by myself? What of the social contract!?!?
