Republicans Hate Obama So Much They Don't Even Approve of His Stupid Turkey Pardons

An accurate and crucial poll released on Monday shows that Americans believe that wilted turkey skin puppet Donald Trump is the most likely candidate to ruin Thanksgiving, and a wide margin of Republicans are mad at Obama for pardoning more turkeys than the usual number. If our campaign season weren’t so hellishly long »Monday 12:45pm11/23/15 12:45pm


Behold these fifteen glorious pictures of women dressed in bride gowns made of turkey feathers we fo

Behold these fifteen glorious pictures of women dressed in bride gowns made of turkey feathers we found and then try and tell me that Jezebel doesn't love you on this fine frigid Thanksgiving day. They are from an article from 1948 titled "LIFE Goes to a Turkey Feather Wedding." Annnnd you're welcome. »11/28/13 2:43pm11/28/13 2:43pm

Democracy and Bloodlust Meet in This Year's Turkey Pardoning Ritual

When I first came across the Thanksgiving turkey pardoning website sponsored by the White House, I thought, "This is a pageant of bloodlust that illustrates the brutality lurking within the heart of every man, woman and child." Then I saw that both will be saved — but, still, it feels pretty dystopian to save and… »11/26/13 1:50pm11/26/13 1:50pm

Officials Raid Turkey Semen Farm To Investigate Animal Cruelty

Shockingly, a "turkey semen collection facility" is not the kind of place you want to be — especially if you're a turkey. A North Carolina semen-farm owned by Butterball was raided today after hidden-camera video taken by the animal rights group Mercy for Animals showed workers kicking, stomping, and dragging the… »12/29/11 7:00pm12/29/11 7:00pm

Obama Pardons Set Of Turkeys Named 'Liberty' And 'Peace'

"Some of you may know that recently I've been taking a series of executive actions that don't require congressional approval," quipped our President during his speech before he pardoned two Minnesotan turkeys named Peace and Liberty earlier this morning. Sasha and Malia were on hand for the festive pardoning as… »11/23/11 12:40pm11/23/11 12:40pm

Happy Holidays, Sarah Palin: Animal Rights Are In The News

When you're a failed VP candidate trying to look like a competent governor while also shoring up your potential presidential ambitions, it's essential to orchestrate some good holiday photo ops. Like maybe adorably pardoning a turkey — and then blithely answering questions while more turkeys get slaughtered directly… »11/21/08 2:20pm11/21/08 2:20pm

Look Who's Talking: Cellphone Snoops, The SecState, And Sarah Palin's Poultry Pardon

You know we've all done it — snooped on a romantic interest. He just left his cell phone lying there and you peeked at his text messages. Or he left his email running on your computer and you couldn't help »11/21/08 10:00am11/21/08 10:00am but have a tiny peek at what he's been saying and who he's been saying it to. So it probably comes as no surprise…

Sarah Palin Is No More A Real American Than Any Of Us Elitists

Sarah Palin, in an effort to retain what little Real American Hockey Mom legitimacy she has left after her $150,000 makeover was revealed, has taken to wearing her own clothes »10/27/08 10:00am10/27/08 10:00am on the campaign trail. Even as Todd gets to keep wearing his suits, she's stuck in jeans — though, with that crease, she either just bought…