Air Travel Is Even More of a Nightmare When You're Trans

Air travel is pretty much the worst: you are forced to wait for an excruciatingly long amount of time in order to board an airborne vector for disease that's filled with squalling infants and various bland pretzel snacks. However, for transgender and genderqueer passengers, who often face undue scrutiny from TSA… » 5/27/14 4:00pm 5/27/14 4:00pm

Body Odor ID System Is the Next Generation of Disappointing Tech

If you think the future is going to bring us all awesome hover boots, weird sexrobots, and spaceships capable of ferrying us to Mars, it's time you lower your expectations because the next big technological innovation rumbling down the airport terminal is (drumroll) body odor identification systems, which will be just… » 2/09/14 5:15pm 2/09/14 5:15pm

Shemane Nugent Arrested for Bringing Blunderbuss to Airport Security

Today in IRONY: The Magazine Dedicated to Anecdotal Instances of Celebrities Getting Hoisted by Their Own Petards & Other Comical Juxtapositionings, Ted Nugent's gun-enthused spouse Shemane Nugent was detained Friday at a Dallas-area airport for trying to go through a security checkpoint with a loaded gun. Public… » 9/01/13 11:30am 9/01/13 11:30am

Texas Bill Would Make It Illegal for the TSA to Grope Your Tingly Bits

Nothing proves the terrorists have won more than the Great American TSA Experience. Everybody gets to feel embarrassed about their gross toenails/mismatched socks as you walk through a gigantic radiation machine that lets someone in an office somewhere look at your nipples, and a there's good chance that someone will… » 4/11/13 2:35pm 4/11/13 2:35pm

Maker of Full-Body Scanners Loses Its TSA Contract to Humiliate…

You know your worst flying fear? No, not that thing about waking up from a nap to hear the pilot slurring over the intercom, "Hey, laaaydeeez and gentlesmen, it's the ol' captain speaking. Whew, okay, it's truth time — your captain just washed down a pair of quaaludes he's been carrying around since ‘72 with a little… » 1/19/13 1:30pm 1/19/13 1:30pm

TSA Ruins Dying Woman's End-of-Life Trip to Hawaii, Is Officially The…

The Transportation Security Administration has surpassed "mothers-in-law" as the thing about which Americans most love to bitch. But unlike mothers-in-law, the TSA will never make you a hot meal, and they'll certainly never make sure you have clean towels and sheets when you come to visit because Lord knows the gals… » 10/10/12 4:50pm 10/10/12 4:50pm

Go Ahead and Show Your Tits to the TSA, It's Legal

An Oregon man who stripped naked in protest of what he considered invasive search procedures is not guilty of criminal dick wagging, ruled a judge. He was protesting, and protesting is a protected first amendment right. Do you realize what this means? We can ALL take our pants off wherever we want as long as we say… » 7/19/12 2:30pm 7/19/12 2:30pm

Bumbling TSA Agent Accidentally Spills Grandpa's Ashes All Over Airport…

At this point, it's beginning to seem like the TSA needs to create a new agency—the Dignity Protection Administration—whose sole job is just to stand next to TSA agents and make sure they don't do anything dumb. One thing that the DPA could do, for instance, is prevent TSA agents from opening jars containing people's… » 6/27/12 9:30am 6/27/12 9:30am

Wouldn't We All Secretly Like to Turn the Tables on a TSA Agent?

Today in perversely satisfying news: A 59-year-old woman was going through security at Southwest Florida International Airport when she threw down her bags and theatrically groped a TSA supervisor's crotch. The woman, Carol Jean Price, says she was just demonstrating the aggressive groping she'd just received from a… » 6/21/12 1:40pm 6/21/12 1:40pm

TSA Screenings to Be Slightly Less Gropey

Complaints of TSA agents getting way too up close and personal while searching passengers have sprung up from virtually every corner of society. Supermodel Bar Refaeli recently took to her Twitter account to say she'd been felt up by one agent, and Rep. Francisco Canseco publicly accused the TSA of assault after he… » 4/26/12 10:20am 4/26/12 10:20am