Body Odor ID System Is the Next Generation of Disappointing Tech

If you think the future is going to bring us all awesome hover boots, weird sexrobots, and spaceships capable of ferrying us to Mars, it's time you lower your expectations because the next big technological innovation rumbling down the airport terminal is (drumroll) body odor identification systems, which will be just… » 2/09/14 5:15pm 2/09/14 5:15pm

Shemane Nugent Arrested for Bringing Blunderbuss to Airport Security

Today in IRONY: The Magazine Dedicated to Anecdotal Instances of Celebrities Getting Hoisted by Their Own Petards & Other Comical Juxtapositionings, Ted Nugent's gun-enthused spouse Shemane Nugent was detained Friday at a Dallas-area airport for trying to go through a security checkpoint with a loaded gun. Public safety … » 9/01/13 11:30am 9/01/13 11:30am

Male TSA Officer Tells 15-Year-Old Girl to 'Cover Up'

Oh, good! Another story about a woman being told what she can and cannot wear at an airport. And better yet — in this instance, the woman being told to cover up was a 15-year-old girl wearing black leggings and a long flannel button up. The nerve of harlots! » 6/17/13 6:45pm 6/17/13 6:45pm

Texas Bill Would Make It Illegal for the TSA to Grope Your Tingly Bits

Nothing proves the terrorists have won more than the Great American TSA Experience. Everybody gets to feel embarrassed about their gross toenails/mismatched socks as you walk through a gigantic radiation machine that lets someone in an office somewhere look at your nipples, and a there's good chance that someone will… » 4/11/13 2:35pm 4/11/13 2:35pm

Maker of Full-Body Scanners Loses Its TSA Contract to Humiliate…

You know your worst flying fear? No, not that thing about waking up from a nap to hear the pilot slurring over the intercom, "Hey, laaaydeeez and gentlesmen, it's the ol' captain speaking. Whew, okay, it's truth time — your captain just washed down a pair of quaaludes he's been carrying around since ‘72 with a little… » 1/19/13 1:30pm 1/19/13 1:30pm

TSA Ruins Dying Woman's End-of-Life Trip to Hawaii, Is Officially The…

The Transportation Security Administration has surpassed "mothers-in-law" as the thing about which Americans most love to bitch. But unlike mothers-in-law, the TSA will never make you a hot meal, and they'll certainly never make sure you have clean towels and sheets when you come to visit because Lord knows the gals… » 10/10/12 4:50pm 10/10/12 4:50pm

Go Ahead and Show Your Tits to the TSA, It's Legal

An Oregon man who stripped naked in protest of what he considered invasive search procedures is not guilty of criminal dick wagging, ruled a judge. He was protesting, and protesting is a protected first amendment right. Do you realize what this means? We can ALL take our pants off wherever we want as long as we say… » 7/19/12 2:30pm 7/19/12 2:30pm

Bumbling TSA Agent Accidentally Spills Grandpa's Ashes All Over Airport …

At this point, it's beginning to seem like the TSA needs to create a new agency—the Dignity Protection Administration—whose sole job is just to stand next to TSA agents and make sure they don't do anything dumb. One thing that the DPA could do, for instance, is prevent TSA agents from opening jars containing people's… » 6/27/12 9:30am 6/27/12 9:30am

Wouldn't We All Secretly Like to Turn the Tables on a TSA Agent?

Today in perversely satisfying news: A 59-year-old woman was going through security at Southwest Florida International Airport when she threw down her bags and theatrically groped a TSA supervisor's crotch. The woman, Carol Jean Price, says she was just demonstrating the aggressive groping she'd just received from a… » 6/21/12 1:40pm 6/21/12 1:40pm

Man Strips Down at Airport Security to Protest the TSA Getting All Up…

There are plenty of reasons to dislike the TSA—any organization that hates cupcakes as much as they do should certainly be given some serious side eye. But one traveler got so fed up with them bothering him that in a burst of rage he got naked in the security line at the airport in protest. It's like when the… » 4/18/12 11:55pm 4/18/12 11:55pm

Are Strip Searches and TSA Pat-Downs Sexual Abuse?

This week, the Supreme Court ruled that it was perfectly within the rights of police officers to strip search every person arrested for every offense, even if they had no reason to believe the arrested person was carrying any contraban. The majority opinion reasoned that strip searching was necessary to protect the… » 4/06/12 4:30pm 4/06/12 4:30pm

TSA Forces Woman to Use Her Breast Pump Before She Can Take It Through …

In another shining moment in airport security history, a TSA agent at Kauai's Lihue Airport last week refused to let a woman bring her breast pump through security because the milk bottles were empty. Amy Strand, of Maui, was traveling with her 9-month old daughter and was carrying the electric pump. She was told she… » 3/05/12 12:00pm 3/05/12 12:00pm