Who ever said Oscars gift bags were manifestations of absurd extravagance? This year, they include toilet paper, that old household staple. It comes from Joseph’s Toiletries and costs $275, and surely all the hottest celebs will be using it after they cash in their free burrito offer at Chipotle.
I understand that everybody poops. I am fully aware that it’s a biological necessity. I will even admit that there’s something sort of beautiful and miraculous about having a body that, after evolving for millions of years, has figured out how to process food into fuel as well as rid itself of the remaining waste. But…
A toilet paper manufacturer plans to ditch the cardboard rolls in a new line of products, in an effort to cut down on waste.
Wedding dresses generally cost a fortune. But what if you could make your own, out of whatever was lying around the house? How about a little toilet tissue couture?
Look: We need to talk (again) about America's asswipe situation. Clean butts are important, but the fine people who keep our sewers and water treatment plants flowing do not deserve the hell we are visiting upon then.
Asswipes are all the rage right now. All the big toilet paper companies — from Charmin to Cotonelle to Scott — are manufacturing moist wipes, in an effort to clean up shit-smeared American heinies and keep skidmarks at a minimum. The problem? Sewer systems are getting completely jacked up.
For some, it's a question of anal retentiveness, and others, efficiency. But no matter your preference, the following statistics show that certain sexes simply care about it more than others.
Doctors from a Minnesota Mayo Clinic issued a warning about toilet paper wipes after four patients had an allergic reaction. Cottonelle wipes gave one man an anal rash so severe he couldn't walk for months. Someone warn Terrence Howard. [Reuters]
Those of you who prefer eco-friendly, super-soft toilet paper may do well to switch to the scratchy brown stuff. There's a "toilet paper problem," which is wiping out resources and filling publications with bad puns. Have at it. [LiveScience]
Today on Martha, Amy Sedaris announced she's gunning for Martha's job with her upcoming book on "crafts for poor people." To start, Amy gives directions for creating a "hobo's fire" with toilet paper and sneaks in a pot reference.
Is this new cashmere toilet paper a giant step forward for TP - or a giant step back for cashmere? Either way, should cut down on nervous ailments. [SunUK]
Hear that, ladies? At least 15 painful, vague, ominous feminine diseases can be caused by cheap TP - those animated bears are really falling down on the public service job! [Vintage_Ads]
In this full-page magazine ad, Cottonelle suggests you "Peruse our Hollywood beauty and fashion tips" to learn how toilet paper, "can help you achieve ready-for-your-close-up confidence." Since when does "red carpet glamour" mean having camera-ready nether regions? [Fashion Informer]
Good afternoon. Earlier this morning, Editor Anna asked me my stance on "potty humor." I am somewhat pro. Thus, it is my privilege to discuss with you today's most important global issue: Toilet paper.
Well, it's probably soft. Katrina Chalifoux of Rockford, Illinois's sheath-style sheath-style wedding gown, made of molded toilet paper, won first prize yesterday in a in a T.P.-wedding dress design contest sponsored by Ripley's Believe it or Not!, Charmin and Cheap-Chic-Weddings.com. The top six gowns are on display…
After spending months and months searching for the perfect wedding dress, a woman obviously wants to document its beauty for all posterity to see, relish, and honor. Or does she? Yesterday, the New York Times ran a curious piece in its "Weddings and Celebrations" section — because, you see, while the straights just…
Sometimes we think we'd really like to do something ambitious for once, like assemble our bed frames, or make a red velvet cake. The vast majority of times, it's hard enough to tear ourselves away from the internets long enough to turn on the television. (Which, for the record, is how we ended up missing the Paris…
