"Her!? She's ugly!" I didn't say that aloud, thankfully. But I thought it—about a baby. What a horrible thing to think about an infant, even if it's totally true. Oh, how far I'd fallen from my lofty position of being "above it all," only to land in a stackable banquet chair in the ballroom of an airport hotel in…
Here's the newest video from Australian rapper and T.I. protégé Iggy Azalea for "Murda Bizness." And where did she set the song that boasts lyrics such as "Kill bitches dead / click clack bang bang / It's a Murda Bizness"? Why, she put it inside the cutthroat world of Toddlers & Tiaras. While it may be inappropriate…
It's been a good couple of days for people who like seeing little girls dressed up like terrifying showgirl-clown babies. Yesterday, it was announced that breakout star of Toddlers & Tiaras Alana "Honey Boo Boo Child" Thompson was getting her own spin-off show on TLC and now the Shift has published an interesting…
When Tricia and her daughter SammiJo were first featured on an episode of Toddlers & Tiaras last year, she and her husband fought in front of the cameras about money. He believed that the estimated $100,000 that they'd spent on pageants was a waste. Oddly, he had included the expense of his wife's "boob job" into…
Remember when living doll Eden Wood, who first rose to fame on Toddlers & Tiaras, retired from doing pageants at the tender age of six? Even though she announced vague plans to take over the world back then, we all kind of hoped someone would freeze her in time and set her on a shelf where she would increase in value…
"I'm just speechless right now. Why would people do this to their child." — Ethan, at 14 years-old, has a better grasp on parenting than than the majority of moms and dads on Toddlers & Tiaras. Thankfully, the children are our future.
On today's highly anticipated Anderson, the mothers of Toddlers & Tiaras, in addition to lamely defending their highly questionable parenting choices, were given makeovers modeled after some of their daughters more questionable pageant looks. It was delightful. It was grotesque. It was everything you'd want it to…
Alana "Honey Boo Boo Child" Thompson and her very intense mother June appear on Friday's episode of Anderson, during which a bunch of pageant moms from Toddlers & Tiaras dress up in all the crazy shit they make their daughters wear. These are the terrifying results, and a picture is worth a thousand "dollar make me…
Toddlers & Tiaras favorite Alana "Honey Boo Boo Child" Thompson can no longer be contained to TLC and is now making her rounds on the morning news circuit. Alana initially clawed her way into our collective consciousness when her mother June was seen on Toddlers & Tiaras hyping her up using "go-go juice," a mix of…
Following Toddlers & Tiaras for the past few seasons, we know that pageant moms give their kids Pixy Stix and even Red Bull to pump up their energy, but none of the little beauty queens ever seemed to really have an understanding about their forced relationship with mood altering substances—until last night's…
On last night's episode of Toddlers & Tiaras, we met Kelly, whose 23-month-old daughter Natalie was competing in some random pageant inside of a drab hotel room (seriously, the venues always look like sad sets from an Eastern Block film). Natalie screamed and cried while she was being dressed, screamed and cried…
Whether you're completely appalled by the pageant mom who dressed her daughter like a hooker or you're one of the viewers salivating for new episodes (that begins tonight!), you may be intrigued by Good Morning America's package on the show.
Anderson Cooper invited pageant kids, their moms, and a disgruntled ex-pageant girl onto his daytime show for an intelligent discussion about the child pageant circuit. Okay, maybe it wasn't that intelligent, but Eden Wood did do a little song and dance!
Last night on Toddlers And Tiaras, we met Melissa, a mom who has spent $30,000 on pageants and says of her daughter: "I feel like her and I are the same person. We live he same life and we are best friends and I just feel like that is me on stage." Except when her daughter, Carley, doesn't obey Melissa, Melissa…
Wendy Dickey, the mom whose 3-year-old daughter wore a hooker getup for a Pretty Woman routine on Toddlers & Tiaras, defended her costume choices to TMZ, saying the child-size sex worker ensemble is "less revealing than gymnastics wear and swimsuits," and "a lot less harmful." Earlier, we pointed out that she could…
If you could dress your 3-year-old up as anything in the world, it'd be a prostitute, right?
We've seen children tortured, over-indulged, and sexualized on Toddlers & Tiaras, but last night's episode was the first time we've seen a little girl wear enhancements to actually make her look like a woman, when 4-year-old Maddy wore fake boobs and a fake butt for her Dolly Parton routine, which was for the…
I'm not one of those people who watches Toddlers & Tiaras and wrings her hands over what these kids are put through. Yes, I sit and totally pass judgment on these people, as I do with most subjects on reality TV, but mostly I enjoy the kitsch and glitz the kiddie pageants supply. In fact, I like living in a world…
This is Mia. She's two years old. Her pageant routine involves appearing on stage in a white robe with angel wings as the opening notes of Madonna's "Like A Prayer" play. Then she strips to reveal a gold cone-breasted bustier.
Let's make Christmas all about vampires and '50s ad agencies! We've got gifts for Mad Men enthusiasts, True Blood fangbangers and anyone goo goo for Lady Gaga. Caution: You're gonna want most of this stuff for yourself.
