Normcore Toddler Has Personal Injury Lawyer-Themed Birthday Party

Grayson Dobra, 2, celebrated his birthday this year with a theme party. The theme wasn’t Bob the Builder or whatever dumb shit two-year-olds like these days. Instead, it was organized around Dobra’s hero: New Orleans personal injury lawyer Morris Bart. This boy has his priorities straight. » 7/29/15 6:10pm 7/29/15 6:10pm

Are These Kiddie Makeovers Going Too Far?

Move over Toddlers in Tiaras, there's a new grand supreme in town and it's about to put your Shirley Temple and Pretty Woman costumes to shame. Parents Kids are seeking fame younger and younger these days and the hottest new star-making business is Toddlewood, a photography studio that turns kids into tiny versions of… » 3/15/14 12:50pm 3/15/14 12:50pm

Here Is a Photo of Bright Blue Toddler Poop

I am not a person who is easily shocked, especially when it comes to shit. One time I watched with a blank face as a man took a dump on 40th Street and 10th Avenue and then wiped his butt by dragging his crack up the corner of a building. Whatever, it happens. But the unnatural rainbow of crap that's come out of my… » 12/13/13 1:40pm 12/13/13 1:40pm

Parents Now Expected to Need Loans For Kids' Preschool

Great idea alert! New York City mayoral candidate Christine Quinn would like to make education affordable to all, and thus wants to give upper middle class Manhattan parents the right to take out subsidized loans in order to pay for their children's pre-kindergarten & oh my god what even is this dumb country we live… » 8/05/13 8:30pm 8/05/13 8:30pm

Meet the 'Apptivity Monkey,' the Worst Toy of the Year

Congrats to Fisher-Price! The Laugh & Learn Apptivity Monkey has been named the worst toy of 2012 by the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood. The CCFC has given the stuffed toy — designed to be played with while it has an iPhone in its belly — a TOADY award: Toys Oppressive And Destructive to Young Children. » 12/07/12 12:50pm 12/07/12 12:50pm

Takes One to Know One: Toddlers Keenly Detect Whiners

A recent German study suggests that young children are able to tell the difference between a person who is genuinely upset about something that's worth being upset about and a person who's just whining. Not only could the study's young subjects differentiate between real problems and fake problems, they also… » 8/22/12 11:20am 8/22/12 11:20am

Daycare Workers Arrested for Allegedly Making a ‘Toddler Fights’ Video

At a daycare center that is apparently owned and operated by George Bluth, Sr., three workers allegedly videotaped a fight between the toddlers in their care, thus creating their very own, real-life version of "Boy Fights," which, as it turns out, isn't very funny without Ron Howard's sardonic narration. » 8/21/12 10:25pm 8/21/12 10:25pm

Designer Clothes Help Parents Turn Their Toddlers Into Real-Life American Girl Dolls

As our economy slowly emerges from its torpor, affluent citizens are starting to become less abashed about spending exorbitant sums of money on anything from diamond-studded rollerblades, to cows fed with gold-plated blades of grass, to designer outfits for their toddlers. Marquee fashion designers like Oscar de la… » 8/12/12 8:00pm 8/12/12 8:00pm

Studies Reveal Toddlers Are Smarter, Bigger Assholes Than We Thought

Toddlers not only can comprehend what is "right" from what is "wrong," but they're also able to understand that a set of rules can apply to one group of people and not another, according to new research at the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology. In one study, 2 and 3-year-old children were able to… » 7/27/12 1:40pm 7/27/12 1:40pm

If Your Kid Is Fat, You Might Not Even Know It

When it comes to evaluating their children, parents aren't known for objectivity. After all, everyone usually thinks their kids are above average in every way, even though that is statistically impossible. But it turns out, strangely, that many parents are not very good at telling when their kids are above average in… » 5/08/12 11:30am 5/08/12 11:30am

The Terrible Twos: Where Clichés Meet, High-Five, and Go Off on a Bender Together

I just got the latest copy of But You Chose To Do This, the magazine for parents who need an occasional reminder, so rest assured I seek no sympathy here for my elderly, thirtysomething back pains or the post-traumatic stress symptoms my husband and I now experience now from being guerilla-attacked at surprise… » 4/10/12 7:00pm 4/10/12 7:00pm