Swearing Ladies Are Ruining America, and More Dumb Shit Scalia Says

We all knew that Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia is a testicularly prolific, Judge Judy-level sassy Constitutional originalist who probably turns his chair around backward before he sits in it because he doesn't follow anyone's rules* (*Except the Founding Fathers, and he's a real nerd about it). But in an… » 10/07/13 2:30pm 10/07/13 2:30pm

Conservative Whining About Whore Pills Might Go to the Supreme Court

As we approach the date of the implementation of the biggest, bulkiest piece of Obamacare and (if you ask a Tea Partier) THE END OF FREEDOM AND LIBERTY FOREVER BENGAZI!, lawsuits protesting the Affordable Care Act's birth control mandate continue to push their way through the the sluggish peristalsis of the court… » 9/20/13 1:20pm 9/20/13 1:20pm

Whore Pill-Hating GOP Pretending the Whole Supreme Court Upholds…

Usually, when the Supreme Court upholds a law, that's it; the law is constitutional. If you want to keep on challenging that ruling, you basically have to make an entirely new law that mandates the opposite of the upheld law and then wait for it to be challenged all the way back to the Supreme Court, and then the… » 7/13/12 2:55pm 7/13/12 2:55pm

Chief Justice John Roberts Must Have Had an Epileptic Episode, Reason…

Yesterday's Supreme Court ruling to uphold the Affordable Care Act came courtesy of a surprise flip by conservative Chief Justice John Roberts. Today, everyone's scrambling to write SCOTUS fanfic about why it happened — what he was thinking, whether or not he really thought the individual mandate should be upheld,… » 6/29/12 6:00pm 6/29/12 6:00pm

Men's Rights Activists Upset the Word 'Men' Isn't Used More in Affordable…

The best part of today, aside from the fact that the Affordable Care Act was upheld, has been the rush of schadenfreude that comes from watching sourpuss Michele Bachmann types flip the fuck out about it. The latest group to react poorly are men's rights activists who are upset that health care reform spends too much… » 6/28/12 11:55pm 6/28/12 11:55pm

Enraged Conservatives Threaten to Move to Canada, Where There's No…

Today's health care decision really brought the idiot boys to the yard — and they're mad. So mad, in fact, that they've got half a mind to pack it all up and move somewhere that they'll be free of the tyranny of socialized medicine. Like Canada. Which has had socialized medicine since the late 1970's. » 6/28/12 4:20pm 6/28/12 4:20pm

What Does the Supreme Court Ruling on Obamacare Mean for Your Vagina?

This morning, the Supreme Court caused Antonin Scalia's hairy head to rotate 360 degrees and gave liberals something to wet their beds over when it ruled that the Affordable Care Act, or the Health Care Law — or Obamacare if ya nasty— is mostly constitutional, right down to the much-maligned individual insurance… » 6/28/12 12:40pm 6/28/12 12:40pm

Butts and Swears Okay Sometimes, Rules Giggling Supreme Court

While the Supreme Court didn't deliver their long-awaited ruling on the Affordable Care Act yet (those be-robed attention whores are probably waiting until Monday so that we all spend the next week talking about them. God. They're the worst), they did rule on an important case today — according to the Court, the… » 6/21/12 4:00pm 6/21/12 4:00pm

Zygotes Aren't Entitled to Dead Parent's Benefits, Says Most Twilight…

Well, thank goodness that's settled. The Supreme Court ruled today that children conceived via in vitro fertilization after the death of a parent aren't automatically entitled to that dead parent's Social Security benefits, as they're not technically "survivors," because they're not "natural children" as defined by state… » 5/21/12 6:00pm 5/21/12 6:00pm

Supreme Court Rules Constitution Protects Cops' Right to Strip Search…

In a continuing effort to collectively take a dump on America before they all die off, the justices of the US Supreme Court ruled today that police are entirely within their rights to strip search any person arrested for any offense, no matter how minor, even if authorities have no reason to suspect that the arrested… » 4/02/12 6:30pm 4/02/12 6:30pm

What Overturning Obamacare Could Mean For Your Ladyparts

The Supreme Court is currently hearing arguments over the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act, or, as your coworker who won't stop recirculating email forwards has been calling it for two years, "Obamacare." At issue is whether or not George Washington et al would be okay with the idea of the federal government… » 3/27/12 12:00pm 3/27/12 12:00pm

A Naked Ass Isn't Worse Than Murder — Except on Television

The Supreme Court's currently considering a case that would effectively lift the more stringent decency standards to which network TV programming is currently held. Networks say that it's not fair that cable gets to go out till 2 am and go on dates and stuff when they're stuck memorizing Bible verses at home and… » 1/13/12 1:40pm 1/13/12 1:40pm

First Amendment Trumps California in Supreme Court Battle Over Violent …

The Supreme Court sided with the video game industry today, declaring a victor in the six-year legal match between the industry and the California lawmakers who wanted to make it a crime for anyone in the state to sell extremely violent games to kids. [Kotaku] » 6/27/11 11:39am 6/27/11 11:39am

Ruling Against Anna Nicole Smith's Heirs, Chief Justice Quotes Dickens

The Supreme Court ruled against Anna Nicole Smith, posthumously, in a case that concerned the jurisdictions of the various courts entangled in the dispute over J. Howard Marshall's $1.6 billion estate. Clearly, Chief Justice John Roberts didn't think the lurid backstory was enough, so he turned to literature to open… » 6/23/11 4:35pm 6/23/11 4:35pm

Costco Women Are About To Find Out What Wal-Mart Means For Them

Add about a thousand female Costco employees to the 1.5 million Wal-Mart women who are going to feel the impact of the Supreme Court's ruling on class action discrimination suits this week. Of course, the parties disagree on how much of a dealbreaker the Wal-Mart decision will be for the Costco case. » 6/23/11 10:15am 6/23/11 10:15am