Bless Your Heart: A Meditation, A Taxonomy, A Eulogy

There is a phrase that a woman can deploy like a verbal stiletto. It's increasingly dangerous to use, because many people are catching on to the phrase's true meaning. You've got a decent shot at sneaking it by folks who aren't from the South, but more and more, you try unloading it on anyone at all in America and you… » 3/06/15 3:30pm 3/06/15 3:30pm

If You're Giving Birth in Alabama, Better Be Ready for a Long Car Ride

A report on points to the alarming fact that only 17 out of 54 counties in Alabama contain hospitals where a woman can deliver a baby. This is a sharp decrease from 1980, when 46 out of 54 counties in the state offered L&D services. » 2/11/15 7:30pm 2/11/15 7:30pm

Mysterious 'Woman in Black' Walking Across the South Finally Made It

The mysterious "woman in black," who became an object of national fascination as she walked through several Southern states swathed in a black veil, has finally reached her destination. The local cops are asking everyone to please leave her the hell alone. » 8/01/14 11:00am 8/01/14 11:00am

Why Are So Many Miss America Winners from the South?

If you haven't been paying attention, the newest Miss America of 2013, Mallory Hagan, lives in Brooklyn. But before you get to reeling from the notion that the epicenter of "all things ironic and progressive" could produce something so quaint, so old-fashioned, so retrograde, take comfort in knowing that she's… » 1/18/13 6:00pm 1/18/13 6:00pm

Turtle Roadkill Experiment Conclusively Proves That Humans are Assholes

I've been saying this for years, and nobody ever listens to me: people, en masse, are shit. Like, actual shit. Believe me, I'd love to be wrong about this, but here's a new experiment that verifies my theory. It takes a turtle seven or eight years to reproduce, and a female turtle who lives 50 years may lay over 100… » 12/29/12 12:30pm 12/29/12 12:30pm

UGA Student Admonishes Haters For Attacking "Husband-Nabbing" Columnist…

Yeah, so that "How To Kill And Capture The Most Dangerous Game And Marry It" column in University of Georgia newspaper The Red And Black, lambasted by the world at large as well as our own Lindy West last week, was satire. » 7/21/12 4:15pm 7/21/12 4:15pm

Mitt Romney Ominously Informs Mississippians That Strange Things are…

As the neverending 2012 Republican primary continues its slog to mediocrity, the candidates are working harder and harder to gain favor in voters' hearts and minds. And when it comes to awkward pandering, no one panders harder or more awkwardly than former Massachusetts governor Mittbot Romney. While addressing a… » 3/09/12 2:30pm 3/09/12 2:30pm

Awesome Political Ad Features Gleaming White Truck, Threats of Gun…

Any political candidate that was thinking of maybe producing the awesomest, most gif-able campaign ad of the 2012 election season better step up their game: aspiring President of the Alabama Public Service Commission Kathy Peterson has just released a show stopper of a shit show of an ad. » 1/09/12 7:15pm 1/09/12 7:15pm