Why Are So Many Miss America Winners from the South?

If you haven't been paying attention, the newest Miss America of 2013, Mallory Hagan, lives in Brooklyn. But before you get to reeling from the notion that the epicenter of "all things ironic and progressive" could produce something so quaint, so old-fashioned, so retrograde, take comfort in knowing that she's… » 1/18/13 6:00pm 1/18/13 6:00pm

Turtle Roadkill Experiment Conclusively Proves That Humans are Assholes

I've been saying this for years, and nobody ever listens to me: people, en masse, are shit. Like, actual shit. Believe me, I'd love to be wrong about this, but here's a new experiment that verifies my theory. It takes a turtle seven or eight years to reproduce, and a female turtle who lives 50 years may lay over 100… » 12/29/12 12:30pm 12/29/12 12:30pm

Mitt Romney Ominously Informs Mississippians That Strange Things are…

As the neverending 2012 Republican primary continues its slog to mediocrity, the candidates are working harder and harder to gain favor in voters' hearts and minds. And when it comes to awkward pandering, no one panders harder or more awkwardly than former Massachusetts governor Mittbot Romney. While addressing a… » 3/09/12 2:30pm 3/09/12 2:30pm

Awesome Political Ad Features Gleaming White Truck, Threats of Gun…

Any political candidate that was thinking of maybe producing the awesomest, most gif-able campaign ad of the 2012 election season better step up their game: aspiring President of the Alabama Public Service Commission Kathy Peterson has just released a show stopper of a shit show of an ad. » 1/09/12 7:15pm 1/09/12 7:15pm