Tell Us Your Thanksgiving Horror Stories

It's Thanksgiving evening, which means you're probably about to fall into a tryptophan coma, fight with your Republican relatives or—if you're anything like me— eat a store-bought turkey sandwich while drinking and watching Netflix alone in your apartment. But first let's share our best Thanksgiving horror stories! » 11/27/14 6:10pm Yesterday 6:10pm

How To Eat Thanksgiving Dinner: A Strategy Guide

How does one eat a Thanksgiving meal? On its face this might seem like a ridiculous question, and also everywhere else too. I mean, who doesn't know how to eat? (Excepting the British, of course.) Thanksgiving is marked, more than anything else, by its abundance of tasty foodstuffs; practically speaking, it is a… » 11/27/14 5:41pm Yesterday 5:41pm

How to Be Beautiful on Thanksgiving: A Guide

It's the kickoff of the holiday season, and as a woman, there's only one thing that means: marshaling undue amounts of energy to please other people. One great tactic as we continue down this endless winding road is, of course, that of beautification. How can we all be more beautiful on noted beauty holiday,… » 11/27/14 3:45pm Yesterday 3:45pm

What's Your Thanksgiving Secret Weapon?

Thanksgiving, by nature, is a holiday that tests, that challenges. Whether it's a guaranteed hit recipe, a simple yet flawless kitchen gadget, an inspiring playlist consisting of Aaron Copland and Heart's radio hits, or a very specific and pleasant strain of marijuana, we all have our standbys that get us through the… » 11/26/14 3:10pm Wednesday 3:10pm

How to Win Fights With Your Family This Thanksgiving: Don't

Tomorrow you'll gather around the Thanksgiving table with your family—those precious few souls that walk this cold Earth draped in the same flesh and blood that coat your weary bones. Invariably, they will say something that makes you want to murder them or, at the very least, ruin dinner in the process of setting… » 11/26/14 1:00pm Wednesday 1:00pm

Enjoy Lewis Black Ranting About the Bullshit That is Black Friday

Fucking Black Friday, man. It's like a gremlin that we just kept feeding after midnight for fifty years straight and now here we are, being herded like cattle away from our family dinners and toward deals, deals, deals. Unsurprisingly, Lewis Black has some thoughts, which he shared with The Daily Show. » 11/21/14 10:30am 11/21/14 10:30am

My Kid’s Insane List Of Reasons To Be Thankful, Annotated

I have an 8-year-old who has something of an overactive imagination, which is a good thing for a child to have, in theory. There are entire 10,000-word think pieces and scientific studies now about how all playgrounds should be replaced with an open field and a giant barrel of sticks so that kids can go construct an… » 11/17/14 4:10pm 11/17/14 4:10pm

Are Millennials to Blame for Everything? An Investigation (But Yes)

Millennials! We already know they don't know how to love and are awful at sewing and button repair. But the dark powers of the younger generation are just beginning to be fully understood. Turns out they're also wreaking havoc on a host of other things across the globe, things like Thanksgiving, a once-popular but now… » 11/14/14 6:30pm 11/14/14 6:30pm

Daughter Fights KMart So Her Mom Doesn't Have to Work Thanksgiving

Black Friday fucking sucks. It's bad enough that it attempts to commercialize a holiday meant to make people be thankful for what you already have, but now it's also begun to spill over into Thanksgiving Day itself, with many big box retailers now opening on Thursday and robbing their employees of time with their… » 11/13/14 7:45pm 11/13/14 7:45pm

Christmas Must Be Stopped. Let's Declare War on Christmas.

For years, Fox News has bleated about the "War on Christmas," suggesting the phrase "Happy Holidays" and some complaints about nativity scenes on public property amount to an all-out assault on a sacred tradition. Meanwhile, Christmas has overflowed its traditional borders, annexed Thanksgiving and begun laying siege… » 11/03/14 3:50pm 11/03/14 3:50pm