Your Thanksgiving Probably Wasn't As Amazing As This
Thanksgiving! #gogodididonyc @TwoPlaysInRep pic.twitter.com/50TT14FAGZ
— Patrick Stewart (@SirPatStew) November 28, 2013
Lady Gaga's Muppet Thanksgiving Special Did Terribly In The Ratings
Oh no. This is not happy news. Lady Gaga's Thanksgiving Special with the Muppets did not do as well as expected in the ratings, despite guest appearances from stars such as Sir Elton John and my secret imaginary dream mother, Ru Paul.
Elan Gale Live-Tweets his Feud with Asshole Woman on Flight
This note war on a plane is hilarious. I have no idea who he is but I want to be his friend.
It's Time to Move Christmas to January 25th
The end of the year is always an expensive clusterfuck of expense, travel, and joyless obligations made more miserable by the fact that several major holidays occur within six weeks. But all of this pressure and stress could be resolved if we'd only do one thing: move Christmas to January 25th. Hear me out.
The Best Walmart Thanksgiving Day Fight Videos
According to a Walmart press release, Thanksgiving was a day of record-breaking sales, sales that were "bigger, better, faster, cheaper and safer than ever."
Here Are All Your Thanksgiving Day Television Show Marathons
These are all the shows you can watch today, while you still have time.
Behold This Blogger's Sad Thanksgiving Meal (And Share Pics Of Yours!)
It's turkey salad with cranberries. That's not even real Guinness, y'all. I just put shitty Busch Light in a Guinness glass. So I would feel fancy. But I don't feel fancy. Not at all. Not one little bit. :-(
Behold these fifteen glorious pictures of women dressed in bride gowns made of turkey feathers we found and then try and tell me that Jezebel doesn't love you on this fine frigid Thanksgiving day. They are from an article from 1948 titled "LIFE Goes to a Turkey Feather Wedding." Annnnd you're welcome.
[NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 28: The Papa Smurf balloon floats above the street during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on November 28, 2013 in New York City. Despite earlier concerns about the wind, the balloons flew as planned for the parade. (Photo by Kena Betancur/Getty Images)]
President Barack Obama is eating things today. That's all. Carry on.
You Might Feel This Way About Your Grown-Ass Woman of a Sister Today
This was made my a second grader, but it could easily translate to many holidays spent with siblings of any age. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Fantasy Food Porn Fun Time: The Thanksgiving Dish of Your Dreams
Ever look at a picture of something so amazing and delicious-looking your gut started churning in anticipation? That's what we're talking about here.
Your Thanksgiving Horror Stories
Well, it's that time of year again. The upside is that you (hopefully) get a gloriously long weekend. So much time off. The downside? Nightmarish travel ordeals, awful relatives, failed recipes and totally terrible TV.
Celebrities Give Thanks for Getting to Volunteer on Skid Row
Celebrities are such a selfless bunch. Every year, they descend on Skid Row during Thanksgiving Day to feed the homeless out of the goodness of their hearts, and not at all because they want to get photographed.
A Guide For Cleaning Every Possible Thanksgiving Stain (Like Blood)
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Email her.
Is Your Shitty Boss Making You Work Thanksgiving? Vent About It Here.
There's something particularly awful about forcing your employees to work on Thanksgiving — a secular holiday that's all about being thankful for what you have — all so that other people can buy a whole bunch of shit that they probably don't need. And yet that's exactly what retailers across the country will be doing…
Sorry, Everybody: Your Thanksgiving Travels Are Going to Suck
Bad news for those of you traveling over the long weekend. It looks like Mother Nature — THAT BEAUTIFUL BITCH — will be pulling out all of the stops to keep you from your intended destination. For so it is written: When the holidays of Hanukkah and Thanksgiving converge in the year of 2013, there will be snow, there…
About That Thanksgiving Turkey...
This Business Week story about what's happening to your Thanksgiving turkey right now is a depressing-as-hell must read. The industrial meat complex is complicated, but one thing is for sure: factory farming is fucking terrible for everyone, Butterball is hella shady, and free-range has its own problems. But perhaps…
Baseball Star's Holiday Safety Tip: 'Ladies, Let Ur Man Drive'
Today, I took a break from gestating male heirs/ slaving over a hot stove/ piping down and letting the men talk to check this website called "Twitter," where a famous base-ball player named David Price had some great Thanksgiving travel tips for ladies: let your man drive! Especially in dangerous weather! Men, you see,…
Democracy and Bloodlust Meet in This Year's Turkey Pardoning Ritual
When I first came across the Thanksgiving turkey pardoning website sponsored by the White House, I thought, "This is a pageant of bloodlust that illustrates the brutality lurking within the heart of every man, woman and child." Then I saw that both will be saved — but, still, it feels pretty dystopian to save and…
Yes, a SeaWorld Thanksgiving Parade Float Is In Pretty Bad Taste
I didn't see Blackfish, mostly because I think it would make me horribly depressed and I need no convincing that keeping killer whales in tanks is a pretty fucking bad (and cruel) idea, but from what I hear, the documentary does a pretty good job at condemning SeaWorld as an evil institution that probably shouldn't be…
Gravitational Force of Early-Ass Black Friday Sucks in Restaurants Too
We're one step closer to the day when Thanksgiving seems but a quaint memory and/or fiction from a Norman Rockwell painting. CNBC reports that, with retailers moving Black Friday ever earlier, restaurants are also being roped into the Thursday-evening frenzy.
HOLY FUCK HAVE YOU EVER HAD ROASTED BRUSSELS SPROUTS?
You know how you thought French fries were the only vegetable worth eating? You were right. UNTIL TODAY.
Macy's, Lord & Taylor to Open on Thanksgiving, Tryptophan be Damned
Thanksgiving is for being with family, stuffing yourself full of turkey and cranberries, watching cartoon characters float in a parade, and maybe enjoying the broadcast of violent sports. But this year, you'll be able to start your Christmas shopping even earlier: Some stores will be open on the holiday.
Stop it, Yankee Candle.
Yankee Candle is already over Halloween and is plugging a new Thanksgiving Dinner line which includes Cranberry Sauce, Sweet Potato Pie, and *drum(stick) roll* Turkey and Stuffing. You can dress them up like a pilgrim or a turkey pilgrim. I love turkey, stuffing, and candles so I went in for a whiff.