Thanksgiving! #gogodididonyc @TwoPlaysInRep pic.twitter.com/50TT14FAGZ

— Patrick Stewart (@SirPatStew) November 28, 2013

Oh no. This is not happy news. Lady Gaga's Thanksgiving Special with the Muppets did not do as well as expected in the ratings, despite guest appearances from stars such as Sir Elton John and my secret imaginary dream mother, Ru Paul. » 11/29/13 1:45pm 11/29/13 1:45pm

This note war on a plane is hilarious. I have no idea who he is but I want to be his friend. » 11/29/13 1:20pm 11/29/13 1:20pm

According to a Walmart press release, Thanksgiving was a day of record-breaking sales, sales that were "bigger, better, faster, cheaper and safer than ever." » 11/29/13 11:45am 11/29/13 11:45am

America's Funniest Home Videos is a thing that still exists, and they put together a compilation of many of the truly fucked things that can happen to you on the Highest of Holy Holidays. Enjoy — and I hope you didn't get beat down with a turkey drumstick. » 11/29/13 11:15am 11/29/13 11:15am

These are all the shows you can watch today, while you still have time. » 11/28/13 4:55pm 11/28/13 4:55pm

It's turkey salad with cranberries. That's not even real Guinness, y'all. I just put shitty Busch Light in a Guinness glass. So I would feel fancy. But I don't feel fancy. Not at all. Not one little bit. :-( » 11/28/13 3:45pm 11/28/13 3:45pm

Behold these fifteen glorious pictures of women dressed in bride gowns made of turkey feathers we found and then try and tell me that Jezebel doesn't love you on this fine frigid Thanksgiving day. They are from an article from 1948 titled "LIFE Goes to a Turkey Feather Wedding." Annnnd you're welcome. » 11/28/13 2:43pm 11/28/13 2:43pm

[NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 28: The Papa Smurf balloon floats above the street during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on November 28, 2013 in New York City. Despite earlier concerns about the wind, the balloons flew as planned for the parade. (Photo by Kena Betancur/Getty Images)] » 11/28/13 2:25pm 11/28/13 2:25pm

President Barack Obama is eating things today. That's all. Carry on. » 11/28/13 2:15pm 11/28/13 2:15pm

This was made my a second grader, but it could easily translate to many holidays spent with siblings of any age. HAPPY THANKSGIVING! » 11/28/13 1:15pm 11/28/13 1:15pm

In the interest of celebrating our shared heritage with our beloved "cousins" overseas, I offer you this academic summation of the meaning of Thanksgiving, as explained to us by everyone's favorite vampire who made out with Winona Ryder, Gary Oldman. » 11/28/13 12:15pm 11/28/13 12:15pm

Ever look at a picture of something so amazing and delicious-looking your gut started churning in anticipation? That's what we're talking about here. » 11/27/13 7:40pm 11/27/13 7:40pm

Celebrities are such a selfless bunch. Every year, they descend on Skid Row during Thanksgiving Day to feed the homeless out of the goodness of their hearts, and not at all because they want to get photographed. » 11/27/13 3:05pm 11/27/13 3:05pm

There's something particularly awful about forcing your employees to work on Thanksgiving — a secular holiday that's all about being thankful for what you have — all so that other people can buy a whole bunch of shit that they probably don't need. And yet that's exactly what retailers across the country will be doing… » 11/27/13 1:10pm 11/27/13 1:10pm

Bad news for those of you traveling over the long weekend. It looks like Mother Nature — THAT BEAUTIFUL BITCH — will be pulling out all of the stops to keep you from your intended destination. For so it is written: When the holidays of Hanukkah and Thanksgiving converge in the year of 2013, there will be snow, there… » 11/27/13 11:00am 11/27/13 11:00am