It’s another surprisingly chilly day here in hell, and Donald Trump was once again awake before the rest of us, feverishly tweeting inflammatory garbage. It’s no longer news that the President-elect spends his predawn hours in some kind of rage fugue, his delicate hands mashing a touch-screen. Now it’s gotten so…
At this point, “creepy clowns” have been spotted in over a dozen cities, and at least one has supposedly lightly scratched a young boy. Whether or not we’re ready to admit it, our days of being able to walk down the street dressed as an evil jester with a chainsaw are over. Clown Purge has arrived.
How much are you willing to give up in a futile quest to control things that cannot be controlled? Everything?
On Thursday, Donald Trump, a disturbingly old Dennis the Menace impersonator, suggested that maybe abortions should be illegal and women who have them should be punished. He then semi-backtracked. Last night on CNN, Ben Carson, his most half-hearted endorser, argued that, in Trump’s defense, he didn’t think at all…
This is not, in fact, a Norwegian black metal concert, but the runway today in Paris for Rick Owens’s new menswear collection. Fashion! So fickle! So fun! So TERRIFYING AHHH GET THIS MONSTER AWAY FROM ME!
Plenty of people opened up a gift to find a hoverboard this year. A hearty chunk of that group has already crashed them. Combining a combustible gimmick-toy with a day filled with alcoholic beverages and familial angst is a recipe for wiping out.
In a press conference Friday afternoon, the FBI announced that the mass shooting perpetrated in San Bernardino by a married couple, Tashfeen Malik and Syez Rizwan Farook, is now being investigated as a terrorist attack.
After a series of terrorist attacks in Paris left the internet-commenting world in a state of public shock and grieving, software CMO Rurik Bradbury took note of one particular myth that was making the viral rounds: that the Eiffel Tower had gone dark in tribute, instead of as it always did at 1 a.m.
What is clearly a well-planned, multiple-pronged terror attack has hammered locations around Paris tonight. Here is what we know and what we don’t know about the attacks.
Here is a video of Jimmy Fallon singing "Barbara Ann" with five different (creepy) waxwork copies of himself borrowed from Madame Tussauds. It's unnerving as hell but also Jimmy Fallon WOULD sing "Barbara Ann" with five different waxwork copies of himself if they suddenly sprang to life in his dressing room. That…
In a story straight out of some sort of unacceptable ghost movie that I would NEVER EVER WATCH, an Ohio couple awoke in the middle of the night to hear an angry male voice coming out of their baby monitor. "Wake up, baby!" it screamed. "Wake up, baby! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
Terror is ROCKING BROOKLYN after locals discovered that a pumpkin-headed surgeon has set up shop on the street in order to perform some sort of medical procedure (life-saving, maybe!!! Don't assume!) on a bloodied baby doll surrounded by tacos. An IV drips ghoulish medication into the baby's plastic arm, while tiny…
Look. Let's just get this out of the way. I know this is going to seem like some bullshit listicle about animals doing stuff—and yeah, it KIND OF IS, I GUESS, in that it's literally a listicle of animals doing stuff—but what you have to understand is that I really, really give a shit about animals doing stuff.
What you’re about to witness is basically the creepiest doll advertisement you’ll ever see, since it’s more, as Buzzfeed’s Leonora Epstein so astutely pointed out, a trailer for “the world’s scariest movie” than an effective doll marketing technique. The only “people” who would buy Baby Laugh-a-Lot after watching…
OKEY DOKEY, TEA.
On principle, I make a concerted effort not to be terrified of the internet. New things are terrifying, and the internet is new(ish), and there's a whole lot of unregulated territory and rough edges on which to snag your privacy and personal safety and maybe your civil liberties too. But, as cooler heads always remind…
• A new book called Scared of Santa: Scenes of Terror in Toyland documents 250 screaming children perched on the lap of mall Santas across the country. •
